30,000-39,999 SparkPoints 35,888

4 years with Sparkpeople and starting over

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

I had a baby and it's hard. It's hard to not eat junk when I'm home all day. It's hard to find time or motivation to exercise. It's hard to come back to Spark having gained back more then half my weight I'd lost.
After being so successful with my weight loss I had to build up my courage to come back and face my fellow Spark people. That motivator stamp on my page that I was once so proud to earn now kinda makes me feel like a fraud. I feel like I'm at step one again- I am at step one again. I'm 210 pounds. I've GAINED six pounds since September. I watch all the new moms around me easily drop baby weight and look fantastic two or three months after having a baby and I'm five months out and feeling... I don't know what I'm feeling. Disappointment? Maybe that's it- I'm having a hard time finding a word for it. But disappointment is definitely the closest I can think of. Disappointed in myself for not doing what I'd intended. Disappointed in my lack of motivation and self esteem.
I've been so caught up in the joy of having a new baby and the work and stress that comes with it that I've put myself aside and have been neglecting my own health. I haven't been working out... like at all. Forget running, I'm not even walking. I eat junk whenever I want- fast food, candy, doughnuts, all of it. And I'm in the size 16s to prove it.

I was thinking when I woke up this morning about last time I tackled my weight and realized it's been almost four years since joining Spark. In four days I'll have my four year sparkversary. It's time to set some new goals. I really hate saying it's a New Year resolution, not that I have anything against them, I'm just horrible keeping them. I think I need to look at it as changing my life again. I did it once, I can do it again.
So this morning I reset my goals. I got rid of my old ticker with that awesome 90+ pound loss on it and got honest on my page. I updated my profile pic with the most current photo I have of me. I have mixed emotions about that photo. Here it is so you know what I'm' talking about-

We took this photo in the park on our first family outing with our new addition. I love how happy I look with my new baby, I love how sweet and little he looks in my arms, I love the memory of that day. But I don't love my size in it, the chubby arms, the belly rolls. And I don't love that once I saw the photos taken that day that I again stopped getting in photos. Here's another from that day-

It's been a long time since I avoided photos and I don't want to anymore. I don't want to be absent in the photos of Owen's childhood like I was for so many years of photos of Bryn's. The first year of his life is flying by. Before I know it he'll be walking, then running. I want to be able to keep up with him. I want his childhood full of parks and playing with mom. I don't want him to miss out on anything life has to offer because of my fitness level of insecurities, and I don't want to miss out on a thing

So it's time to set new goals- short term and long.
Weight goals: Short term- 200 by Valentines day. Long term- 165 by July 27 (Owen's first birthday)
My plan to meet the goals: Track nutrition, everyday and honestly. Exercise 20 minutes 3 times a week to start, build from there. Be active on Spark again, blog at least once a week. Reward myself with something small every 10 pounds and something big when I reach goals.

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I think you look great, especially with that big smile!

    I'm so happy to hear you had a baby boy. It's a lot of work having a new baby so don't be too hard on yourself.

    I was absent from a lot of pictures over the years when my kids were little and I regret it. Now that I look back I'm sure I didn't look nearly as awful as I thought. I have few photos of my mother and grandmother because of their weight issues and I really wish they let us take more pics over the years.
    1953 days ago
    Congrats on the new member of the family.
    You should be very proud to be a Mom for the second time and you know what the only thing standing in your way is you.
    I know you can do this I saw the results the last time, stay positive and remind yourself everyday why you want to get your body back and your healthy life style back.
    Those two young people really needs you in their lives for a long time,
    One day at a time and one meal at a time is how changes happen.
    Be positive and you will reach your goals.
    Glad to see you back with us. Sandy
    1964 days ago
    Dear Missy,
    Put away all of the negativity and do what you gotta do.
    You know exactly what to do.
    Congrats on that beautiful baby boy-
    that is a huge accomplishment and a good excuse to let things go
    (for a while!)
    but now it's time to take care of you, as well.
    Are you back at work?
    Do you have a support system- ask for help.
    You have a big job ahead of you-
    no shame in asking for help.
    1964 days ago
    Don't beat yourself up so much. We are all human with our own set of weakness. Sounds like you have set some good goals for yourself. I know how you are feeling. Moving 1,700 miles 2 years ago set me way back. Like at lot of us on here when stressed I turn to food and have gained a lot of my weight back. I am kind of in the same place you are.
    You have a beautiful baby. Don't compare yourself to the other new moms. Just take things one day at a time and know we are here for support when you need it.
    1964 days ago
  • APED7969
    Looks like you had an adorable baby to make a priority! Sometimes that happens, I don't think you or anyone else should feel bad about it. Not gaining weight is hard work and sometimes life gets in the way. The important thing is you're back. Good luck with some great goals. Small changes lead to even bigger ones!
    1964 days ago
    You are still very beautiful!!!! *HUGS* I'm sorry you are feeling the setback, but what a grea ttime to start fresh and anew with the new year and a new baby!!! :) You can do this!!!!!
    1964 days ago
    Congratulations on the safe delivery of your beautiful baby. You honestly look great - that smile! You did it once before and with the same determination, you WILL do it again. At least you had an awesome reason for regaining - some of us didn't. LOL. emoticon and congratulations emoticon
    1964 days ago
    Congratulations on your beautiful baby!!!! You can do it. You've done it before. You can do it again. :) Keep up that wonderful spirit.
    1964 days ago
    emoticon on your new baby & emoticon back!
    I think you look fantastic! Like a proud & happy new mama! emoticon
    The weight will come off again- you did it before & you know what you need to do to do it again. The emoticon part is that you've taken the first big step & came back! We're all in this together! Best wishes for the happiest & healthiest New Year ever!
    1964 days ago
    Beautiful baby.. beautiful pics! I understand where you are coming from.. but just know this.. you are not alone..

    I too regained (stress eating for 1.5 yrs when my mom got sick in 2011)
    I am now losing the weight again..

    We all have been there!

    You can do this!
    1 step at a time
    1964 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.