Holidays push my buttons. Looking for the reset button. Life with a narcissistic parent

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Holidays will do that. Push your buttons. Family gatherings. Being thrown back into a role you no longer want to assume. Work gatherings. Fine lines and determining acceptable boundaries. Gifts where you wonder,"What the he11?" And try to remind yourself that it is the thought that counts (but what were they thinking?). Or even worse, they tell you exactly what they were thinking......"maybe this will help you lose weight". Geez. Thank you. Just what I wanted....for the entire Holidays to be focused on weight and the topic of conversation to be whether I have gained or lost weight. That is a helluva greeting. Seriously? How about asking me what is new or what I have been up to. I have done a lot of other interesting, wonderful things and all you can talk about is my weight? This is more of a flashback than my current reality but still the flashback button got pushed more than once over the past few weeks. Anybody else have a narcissistic parent (you look good=I am a great parent) who paraded/parades you around like a hooker when you were/are in thin mode but who is obviously ashamed when you were/are in thick mode. Daughter? What daughter? Let me tell you about my wonderful, thin OTHER child. No such thing as unconditional love in that situation. Drove/drives me flipping crazy! So you build walls (fat?). Then maybe once you are old enough (say in your 50's. cough cough) to know better and are able to set boundaries (or escape) and you don't feel quite as threatened by family and you have developed a close group of friends with whom you can be vulnerable (a.k.a. "Alive"), you can feel "safe" enough to lose weight. AHh....lightbulb moment and exhale. Happy New Year. Time to press the reset button.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I had family drama too and took off to California for a few days. It helped. I don't have high expectations for Christmas gift, but this year, I got a set of weight lifting gloves, which I really needed. My husband got me a book that is rocking my intellect. I guess when you have low expectations, everything seems awesome. (I usually buy myself a gift no one else bothered to get me, but this year, I was happy with my gift cards.) I hope everything has gone back to a good normal. :) Have a great New Year!
    2244 days ago
    What a great and funny blog! I'm sure almost all of us can relate. Isn't it nice that middle age has some concessions, as in finally learning how to deal?
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    2245 days ago
    Sounds very familiar! I have little contact with my siblings so I am spared from all the fuss! Hope you can pull your dignity back together and go back at the SP program.

    People can be very insensitive, especially family! emoticon
    2245 days ago
  • ALICIA214

    Wish you luck with your reset button you know you can do it emoticon

    Happy New Year. emoticon
    2245 days ago
    2245 days ago
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