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“Next stop – Multiple Addiction City – please alight from the carriage”

Friday, December 28, 2012

Bloody hell if its not one thing its another.

As I look around my immediate family – which now consists of my sister, her 4 children whom I love dearly and THEIR children I see a healthy, happy, slim, adjusted sane lot of people.

No indications of heart disease or obesity or addictions of any kind – unless you count my nephew Timothy's addiction to all things sport on TV. God he'll watch two slugs climb a wall if there is a crowd there :)

I am adopted and sometimes I feel quite lonely as I battle through multiple addictions and see that my family doesn't really get how addictions work or how someone can not just say no. I often think that there must be a genetic link in there somewhere as I know my birth mother was not a well adjusted or well looked after woman and had many problems of her own.

They are kind and sweet and loving but … they just don’t understand how someone can be so addicted to something like food or alcohol that it can change or ruin their lives.

They do love their Uncle David though and despite his many misgivings he is always a welcome member of the family. It would just be nice if at least one of them struggled with food or smoking or drinking so they could understand what addiction is lol

Damn them why aren't they all raging obese alcoholics!!! emoticon

And I am tired of being the Uncle (their only Uncle actually) who always has to be the one who we need to make allowances for and remember he is battling whatever the heck it is.

SO now that my long term depression has finally broken and I am feeling much better and getting life back in order and ticking off lists of long overdue admin stuff (and driving a car that is actually registered and insured – I literally do NOTHING when I am depressed) and controlling food and counting calories and making healthy choices?

Its time to have a drink to celebrate. Lets have two. Lets have 12 – its been months since you had a good old drink and you are feeling so good why not celebrate it!

I know this is not a site about alcohol but its just frustrating that as I peel off one addiction another comes roaring in to fill its space.

BUT I attended an online AA meeting last night and I am absolutely going back to daily meetings from tomorrow.

The one that seems to be definitely under control is gambling. Although I will admit if I had another $50,000 in my bank account that would probably be a different story.

And of course I will continue to smoke my way through all of this drama.

And bite my nails when I have a moment. But who has time with all that drinking and eating and gambling and smoking and TV watching? How can I fit ANYTHING else in! emoticon

I don't know about many of you but I am sure weight and food addiction is often not a solitary thing and we have other things in life that we do that we think “Why the heck am I doing this. Its not good for me. Why am I doing this” and rumble along merrily doing it.

And the point of this long winded ramble?

I guess its that no matter what we say or do the fight is squarely focused in our heads. We can run a mile or do 50 crunches or Zumba our butts for hours but if our head is not in the game? We won't get there.

So look forward to all my Spark friends helping me keep my head in the game and I promise to do the same in return!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JEAN111766
    Hey my friend,
    I just read this for the first time... I got behind in my Sparking. You are a very smart and very strong person and I know you can do this. We can do this!
    I'm watching "the Biggest Loser" right now... this episode is focusing on childhood obesity... this is so important! They just introduced the first adult... his starting weight is 444 lbs! They just introduced another one... 21yo male 328lbs and is gay. There are 15 adults and 3 teens. This is going to be a great show this season! Let me know if you are able to watch it where you are...
    I had no idea you were adopted. I totally understand your disconnect with your family. I am so sorry you have so many challenges to tackle.
    Please know we are here for you!!! Sparks is the greatest motivational site that I have found!!!
    I've got to go for now... got to get my DD to sleep...

    I'll check in with you again soon!
    1988 days ago
    I do understand. I have found that my addictions were so overlapped that it just seemed another would come in when one left. I have been at it a looooong time beginning with my addiction to men. Then it was drugs. Then came bingeing and laxatives. Next up, smoking. Seems food is the one holding on for dear life. They do peel away one by one as you keep working. I find the next most toxic one slips into first place when I begin to have victory over it's predecessor. Or perhaps it is just peeling away in the order they come on? LOL Anyway, I think of it like an onion. Lots of layers, makes me cry, and well worth it once I have it in the pot!
    I, too am adopted. My very young birth mother was doing cocaine while she was pregnant. I began life in withdrawal. We certainly cannot change our circumstances but we can change our reactions to them.
    So pleased for you in this journey, Friend!
    1994 days ago
  • AMYB1985
    It's no surprise that i miss you so much when you leave spark people for awhile - you have a knack for saying many of the thoughts chasing around in my head. Hang in there, my friend. emoticon
    1995 days ago
  • _KATHY
    When all our own efforts fail..Trust and follow direction from those we know have been where we are and have or are recovering. Be humble enough to learn. Pray. Don't think too much. Build strength each day. They add up. The strength and the days. :)
    Best wishes,
    1995 days ago
    I sooo appreciate you stopping by my Brandy blog! I'm here to support you in any way possible. This lovely young woman should by all terms be dead with the horrible experiences she has gone through bowing down in worship of the demon devil drugs. It got so bad at one point that I had to put lots of time and space between us...I just couldn't stand to view her as the 'walking dead any longer. But our brief visit was good over breakfast. She needs to feel her mothers love and encouragement in fighting the good fight...and so do you!!
    1995 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/30/2012 11:15:40 AM
    You can overcome your addiction. You must remember you are worth it. You can do it. You broke your depression. You will break your addiction.
    1997 days ago
    If you would like to know more about addictions, please come join us in the Wheat Belly team. Lots of good info and there is a book that has been out a around a year, wish I had found it back when it first came out. And now, a cookbook is available. But, I learned a lot on the WB blog.

    Along with addictions, there is info regarding food, heart disease, diabetes and lots of other stuff.

    Check it out and best wishes to you!
    1997 days ago
  • BRENDA_G50
    I can relate to what you're saying...if you quit one addiction you will always replace it with another. GA, AA, NA and all the other 12-step programs are good...BUT, whatever your addiction is...that tiger will always be on your back just waiting to pounce if you let down your guard even for a second. Sound familiar???

    I just quit smoking (again) 11/11/12 and now my replacement for cigarettes...food addiction is back (again). My body has a new BFF and it's called compulsive eating. These holiday dinners are killing me...can't wait until the holidays are over so I can get back to normal (whatever that is) again.

    Hang in there emoticon
    1997 days ago
    I can relate to this David. Being the fat/obese aunt is not a good feeling. It is up to us to do something about it. As you said it would be much easier if family members understood where we are coming from and could support us more. I am so glad that I have my 'other family of Spark friends".
    1997 days ago
    You are so right David my friend .. It is up to us ..
    No-one can do it for us we are in charge of our own health and fitness ..
    We can do it ..Mate ..
    Hugs Susie
    By the way:
    The Mc Gregor was decended from Scottish and Irish Royalty ..
    It was only rumoured that we were villians and rascals emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon .

    1997 days ago
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