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Okay...so I have a short attention span! Is it time to go home yet?

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

It's a roaring heat wave of 1 degrees today!

I've had our lovely white Christmas and I'm done with the snow and the freezing temps that lock in the frozen landscape.

I'm reminded of the many many years the hubs and I spent in Iowa before we got smart and made the move to sunny Florida. That decision was brilliant and life saving for both of us!

It's funny but the first conversation we shared over coffee and a slice of shared pie at a local Perkins restaurant was "how the heck would one go about getting out of Iowa?" DH was loaded down with a guilt inducing mother (who hasn't lost a whit of THAT skill) and a 'meaner than a junk yard dog sister who lived with that guilt master... To put it in a nutshell...misery loves company!

I had a crazy nutcase of a husband that I had just recently mustered up the courage to leave after dating him from age 13 and marrying him at age 17. After 10 years of misery I was ready to dream of leaving a town that brought out the stress factor in my world daily! If you look up stalker in the dictionary you'd find a pic of my ex. He had the attitude that if he couldn't have me no one else would either. He followed me and called me with no mercy. I told Don that he might not even want to get involved with me since I couldn't vouch for his safety with this looney toon!

We became fast buddy's with a common goal that developed over time into a deep and abiding romance!

I do know one thing for sure at this point in time...if we had't escaped this strangulating family and town we never would have celebrated our 34th wedding anniversary last year with number 35 on the horizon in May.

I would not have tolerated the outside influences from his demanding and impossible to please mother and mean resentful sister...who were totally hell bent on tearing our fledgling relationship apart. My first sobbering clue of this is when his mother pulled out pics of Don with former girlfriends. This of course was long before photoshop and cropping tools were available so these pics with women that must have irked his mother actually had their heads cut out of the pics!

What the..not exactly the best welcoming indicator as to how you might be accepted into the family right?

Every time I come back to this hornet's nest I'm immediately reminded of how smart we were to get the heck out of Dodge! Sometimes you just have to flee the toxicity in self preservation...this is a shout out to my dear friend Kelly.

I've never met people that no matter how hard you try to please them are absolutely unpleaseable!

We took MIL to a cute holiday movie yesterday. She is hard of hearing so I suggested she get the earphones they hand out for the hearing impaired. She wouldn't hear of it..."I can ALWAYS hear the movies just fine!" You'd think I'd asked her to wear a poster board announcing...I'm deaf! emoticon

Alrighty then....as we settle in to enjoy the movie dear MIL loudly announces she can't hear the movie...which of course disrupts our ability to hear the movie..which then unleashes a whispered conversation between the hubs and I about should he stumble back down to the lobby and chase down the earphones...and if he does get the earphones will she actually put them on...or...complain that she still can't hear or doesn't know how to work them!

It's always this tightrope of ...what can we possibly do to anticipate making this little woman happy and how do we cope when she finds something as she ALWAYS does..to suck the living daylight out of what should be an appreciated and special event.

She's already started the moaning about her beloved son leaving...what the?? Yesterday was day TWO..I gently suggested she should live in the moment..not the past...nor the future.

It's impossible for this neurotic little woman to comprehend...it will NEVER change she just turned 86 on Christmas ..it just makes me sad to think 35 years have been squandered of what could have been a loving and supportive relationship for one that has been fraught with meanness, jealously and pettiness. Just sad and sooo exhausting!

I was always so sad that we lost our beautiful son josh and he didn't get the chance to marry so I could use my hard won lessons on how NOT to be the MIL from hell..I pledged that no matter what I thought of his life mate choice...I'd set MY feelings aside and honor this person and respect them simply on the merit that it was HIS choice so it had to be the right one for HIM...therefore MY choice for his happiness.

It's just what it is..I endure and pray for the patience to get through each visit. I've absolutely drawn my line in the sand over going over on the last day the day of good byes. The hysterics are just too much for me to endure...and THAT just is...what it is!

Today we do lunch...DH'S is wanting to do another movie which he says his mother loves...me I'm on the tightrope again...does she REALLY want to see another movie...you really never know.. This is the problem with those who have no opinion UNTIL after the fact and then barrage you with critisim...it's ALL so maddening...no wonder his sister who has lived with this little lady for the past 55 years is mean and frustrated..as I say it's all just so sad..this is what misery loves company looks like up close and personal. emoticon

Here's the little darling...she really is a sweet little lady..I have a hard time understanding why she is so miserable.

This is me trying my best to add a holiday smile..all will be okay..we understand each other, we both love Donnie with all our hearts and that will probably be our only common link in this lifetime. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Such a delightful and loving photo of Don and his Mother. May her joy (albeit perhaps a bit too inwardly) be complete with this precious time with her son. Merry Third Day of Christmas, dear friend. Hug, hug -- Evelyn

    1944 days ago
    Well....it sounds like you are making it through the vacation in one piece. It will make going back home feel like heaven! '
    1945 days ago
    As much as I love my family and want to live in the same state as them I DO NOT want to live within 60 miles of them! lol 35 years and counting is awesome! We just celebrated our 20th anniversary. You are both lucky that you found each other and were able to escape life there in Iowa! I am amazed that you have been able to put up with his mom and sister without saying something for so long. Not many people could or would do that. I would say that hope they come to their senses and admit that they were wrong. That they know you love Don and would do anything for him. However, after this many years it doesn't seem like that will happen.

    Hope you get to go back home to Florida soon.

    emoticon emoticon
    1945 days ago
    Oh girlfriend as I responded in your other blog, I so totally relate totally! LOL I actually had a good time with mil today but then we were at sil house and only there for 4 hrs. lol

    HUGS and as you say you both love the same boy, too bad hers has to be a selfish consuming love cos that "ain't really love!
    1945 days ago
    You do have a way of making a bad situation into a fun read for the rest of us! I was lucky to have the best MIL a person could ever have. I am trying hard to follow in her footsteps. Good luck getting through the rest of your trip.
    1945 days ago
    Hang in there.You will soon be back home. emoticon emoticon
    1945 days ago
    You always tell such wonderful stories.
    I love reading them.
    I wish I could get out of the vortex I'm in and move to sunny Florida, but it's not to be.
    I can't believe your husband would want to go to another movie with your MIL after the hearing situation. Does he have blinders on when he's with her? I would let the two of them go to the movie he thinks she would enjoy and you should spend the day relaxing and reading a good book.
    Good luck with that one!
    1945 days ago
    i understand your situation...my future mil doenst like anyone her sons bring home and doesnt welcome them at all in her home...makes it fun for the holidays!
    1945 days ago
    Bless you and your husband. I pray that she realizes before it's too late that life would be much more pleasant for everyone if she could take time to smell the roses and be grateful for the blessings she has. At least you are on the downside and close to homebound of the visit.

    Did you or the hubs eve get her the earphones so that she could hear the movie??
    1945 days ago
    emoticon emoticon You will be home before you know it.
    1945 days ago
    Cute photo of you and the MIL... hope your head doesn't get cut out lol...

    Happy Holidays and safe travels home to Florida.

    Hugs, R.
    1945 days ago
    Oh oh oh oh.... 35 years???? God bless you for hanging in there. That husband of yours needs your calm voice of reason! You are a better woman than I... I don't think I would have been able to put up with that for that long. I would have long since stopped visiting.

    On the reverse, I divorced my ex after 17 years of marriage and was more sorry to lose his mother than him! But on the upside, we actually get along and I adore his mother... so go figure. I loved my BF's mother too, although I didn't know her very well. She passed before I could get to truly know her, and that makes me sad. But what I knew of her, I liked very much. I count myself lucky... twice!

    I hope you get home to your beloved Florida soon and safely!
    1945 days ago
  • DS9KIE
    good grief....I'm pulling for you...oh I would have gotten mad at her at the movie, cause no one better mess with my movies.

    so between the sold, snowy weather and the crazy family...your done with the holidays and ready for home...hope you get there soon.
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    1945 days ago
  • MYTURN11
    You look beautiful as always. I am sending you an email as it is too long and personal to post here. Hang in there Bobbi. If anyone can deal with a difficult person it is you. You must have the patience of a saint.

    I like what you wrote at the end of your biog as it really does reflect your common bond ~ "we both love Donnie with all our hearts" emoticon emoticon
    1945 days ago
    1945 days ago
    I think we all have some family members that are similar..in my case it was my mother, dad and sister..hubby more times than any would drag me out of their house almost as soon as we arrived when they would start in on me..finally they got the hint and quit complaining about me..now both are dead and I still deal with my sister who is so selfish and self centered..I feel and weep for her soon which besides dealing with her but has apergers syndrome with bi-polar but then I wonder who made him that way at times..Then hubby and I have been married 33 years after both of us having abusive previous marriages..we both are so happy and love laughter and family around us..we have 3 sons all combined from previous marriages and 2 of them love coming for visits and we love visiting them..oldest son is married to another one who loves misery and since she is so miserable she want everyone else to be also..but he stays with her mainly for their kids so I honor him for that..but like you we had to get away from my parents home town to survive and survive we did and have a marriage made in heaven. Enjoy your hubby.. emoticon
    1945 days ago
  • MIRAGE727
    Uh, I'm confused...we have the same mother and sister?
    OMG, mine are insane! I walk the same tightrope...until recently! But that's another story. Ok, fine, you enjoyed Iowa. Did I mention we spent last Christmas on a two week road tript to D's hometown, Lincoln, NE? Yeah, we couldn't wait to get back home to Paradise. Ne safe and travel well, Bobbie!
    1945 days ago
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