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Waiting to Exhale

Thursday, December 20, 2012

It has been politely suggested that I try a torso shaper. Thanks. But now I think that you’re trying to kill me.

I have seen them, and already I shiver in fright. I am not trying these without some more guidance. Now, I must admit I like my Spanx, but sometimes they are not enough. Are there such things as Flogx?

First of all, why do catalogs always show skinny people modeling body shapers? I want to see a true before and after. I don’t want to see someone who can’t pinch half an inch become perfected. I want to see someone who has lady lumps in unlady like places. I’m talking four breasts because only half of them fit in the bra. I want to see a body shaper on her.

Secondly, I want to make sure that these body shapers don’t dig into my flesh like chastity belts. I’m quite chaste enough. I don’t need to be chafed too. Seriously, I have worn knee highs that left me with scars. Sometimes the elastic of underclothes can take its job too seriously. I want my fat rolls to be roped in. I don’t want to be left with rope burns.

Apparently, there is a store in my city that specializes in hard to fit shape wear and underclothes. I’d like to visit them soon to see what they can suggest.

Until then, I’m happy to breathe without being kidney punched by a modern day corset. And until you tell me otherwise, I’ll think that all torso shapers are just bear hugs in disguise.

Waiting without bated breath,

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hey, that's me on the back of that bike!!! JUST KIDDING!

    I know that the shapewear was a bad idea, but you never know about how they feel. My BFF is a size 10 or 12 and she even hates Spanx - and we got them at Lane Bryant!

    I did find that using a belly wrap - the neoprene zippered kind does help me when I am working out... but only because it keeps all my rolls from jiggling and knocking into each other. And I have a bad back, so they do help with that. But no matter how we reign it in, there will still be lumps as the mass has to go somewhere. I have always wanted my body to be like a tube of toothpaste... so I can squeeze all my fat to the top (my boobs). I may fall over, but I may look good doing it! LOL!

    I myself am letting it fly these days. Like I said, shapewear either rolls up under my boobs and tries to cut me in half, or rolls down to my waist and tries, once again, to cut me in half.

    I have found that wearing a camisole tank top (very stretchy kind) under my shirt does even out my lumps a bit, but this will only work here in Jax in the Winter (the REAL Winter, like today). Mabe that is a more likeable idea. And sorry for suggesting the shapewear but it works for some!

    Happy Holidays!
    1978 days ago
    I totally agree with you when it coms to those body shaper thingys. It's just not realistic to walk around with something squeezing you so tight all day everyday...I also would like to see REAL models wearing those contraptions in catalogs and on commercials AND on those commercials for work out equipment!
    1978 days ago
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