Weight loss is easy. Point A to Point B.
Or so it may seem...
For people like me, point a to point b equates to a whole mess of obsession, self hatred, stress, scale abuse and a barrage of other things.
I am a mess sometimes, I think.
Looking back at 2012, I think about the ups and downs, the hills and valleys, use whatever visual you'd like... 2012 has been a mess for me.
Everything that I had learned with intuitive eating unraveled this year. The work I had done so much of, self acceptance, listening to my body and focusing on hunger and satiety, banishing all the diet rules, not weighing. All gone. I was right back on track with beating myself up on a daily basis, punishing myself for not being at my goal weight. Hating myself. Ignoring everything that I knew was a lie. Yet another 90 day program that promised results.
20/20. Always. As I have always said and truly believe, I think mistakes just need to be made to grow and change as a human being. Without the mistakes, the stumbles, the bumps in the road, growth stunts. I needed those mistakes, stumbles and bumps to get me back to where I need to me.
I needed them to refresh my memory as to why I turned to intuitive eating in the first place. Diet = obsession. Simple.
So I guess looking back, 2012 wasn't a waste if that is what it took to get me back to where I need to be, which is here. I have been working diligently to reclaim myself once again. I have started back from square one, principle one in intuitive eating. Reading through the materials and immersing myself back into it, I am reminded why I came here in the first place.
I have been working so hard to remove the food labels and disassociate myself from the title of "clean eater". I have been working to hard to make food equal on an emotional plane. Working to strike that sought after balance with exercise and being more in tune with what my body needs as far as movement versus what kind of punishment I want to invoke on it all in the name of weight loss. I have been working so hard to eat mindfully and enjoy food as a source of fuel and pleasure. Life is just too short.
I inch closer by the day.
No 2012 wasn't a waste, it was just a detour. A way for me to grow more as a person and solidify my resolve with intuitive eating. 2012 was a way for me to come to grips that I can't live in that world anymore. 2012 was a time for me to spend stumbling, questioning, uncertain so I can come back to this place and reaffirm it is where I need to be and where I WANT to be.
I am looking forward to 2013 and what it will bring.