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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

I'm in trouble here.

My calorie intake has been out of control for the last two weeks. Last week I gained about a pound and a half. I'll consider myself lucky if it's not worse this week.

The only thing that's saving me is exercise. I've been pretty consistent with that, but I have to admit, I blew it off yesterday and was sorely tempted to do the same today. But I didn't. I made myself go out for a walk after work and, once I got started, I didn't know why I was so resistant. I had a great walk -- 7.1 miles in 98 minutes!

While I was walking, I was thinking about "what my problem was".

It occurred to me that the last time I lost a significant amount of weight (about 3 years ago), I "fell off the old SparkWagon" about this same time of year.

Back then, I was having significant "issues" with my extended family and that estrangement continues today. I let that situation knock me off track back then.

I never made a conscious decision to stop eating in a healthy way or to stop exercising. I was entrenched in emotional quicksand and, the more I struggled to get out, the worse it became. Add in the usual holiday stress and I just forgot about taking care of myself.

You know what happened next.

I regained almost all the weight I'd lost.

So, there I was tonight, walking as fast as I could, with sparks shooting out of my sneakers.

A perfect opportunity to confront myself and my demons!

I wanted to know if I was really going to let myself do the same damn thing again!

Did I REALLY want to have to work this hard to get back to this weight and level of fitness again?!

The answer to both questions was a resounding, "NO!!"

Is my eating out of control because I don't know any better? That I don't know how to eat right?

Another great big "NO!!!"

OK, Kath. Then, what's the deal?

The only thing I can come up with is that I've been so busy with Christmas prep that I stopped prioritizing my healthy lifestyle. I even thought about saying, "The heck with it till after the holidays."

I figured, they're less than a week away. And I'm going on vacation for a few days between Christmas and New Year's, and I'll probably let myself slide a bit then. Why not just give myself a break and live it up for a couple of weeks. How much damage could I do?

I'll tell you how much . . .

I can already see, with my calorie intake being so out of control, that it would be way too easy to stop paying attention to what I'm doing on a more permanent basis than "just a couple of weeks"! That would mean the pounds would start creeping back on almost immediately. Can't have that!

If I wasn't consistent with my exercise, I'd probably have put on a lot more than a pound and a half already. Given that I'm already feeling resistant to getting out there after dark, when it's cold, it would be waaaaayyy too easy to take an "exercise vacation" that turned into a "no exercise life". That's just out of the question!

As I walked/jogged my 7+ miles tonight, I thought back to how it felt to walk when I started out about 6 months ago . . . my legs hurt, especially my knees. My left hip gave me pain. And breathing? Practically out of the question! I could barely walk a mile! Jogging was just a very faint memory that I didn't dare dream of reaching again. At least, not in that condition.

Well, look at me now . . . I can ride my bike for 25+ miles. I can jog 6 miles. I can walk over 7 miles. I'm even doing strength training on a consistent basis for the first time in my life! And my arms are starting to have some real definition! That's what I said I wanted -- Michelle Obama arms -- right?!

I also thought about some of the compliments I've been getting from other people. First, from my mom, who almost never says I'm doing anything right. From my cousin, who visited me last weekend. And from my co-workers and friends. Darn right, those compliments felt good!

The other day, I reached into my closet for a belt to wear with my jeans and grabbed the wrong one. It was HUGE! If I needed a visual to remind myself how far I've come, that was it and it felt GREAT! I felt PROUD of my accomplishment!

And yet, here I am.

Well, enough is enough.

Time for me to rededicate myself to my mission!

Starting right here and right now, I rededicate myself to making healthy and positive choices that lead me to live a healthy lifestyle, reach my goals, and be true to my vision of becoming the best person I can be.

That means:

1. I will prioritize my own health and emotional well-being.

2. I will focus on what is truly important in life: my husband and son and people I love and who love me as I am.

3. I will not be side-tracked by the stress of the situation with my extended family; it's done, over, and not worth my time or worry.

4. Nor, will the hustle and bustle of Christmas be a negative stressor for me; I will enjoy the lights, carols, and the spirit of love around me.

5. I will look forward with confidence, joy, and peace.

Live Lightly!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JENNY160
    I want to print your blog and post it on my mirror. I am in the same pattern and don't want to backslide further than I already have. In 2010 I lost 52 lbs. I gained 30 of it back in one year. Emotional stress. Injuries. Workload. Drrrrrama at home. I have to, like you said, put my health and emotional well-being first.

    Thank you for this blog.

    2459 days ago
    Kathy, just another reminder to me how much the work I have done should mean to me and keep me from going down the giving up isle. I hate the terrible cold we are having these days, weeks of 10-35 degrees. I so want to get outside to walk and I have some but I miss the daily walks. I will have to find a work around and get off my tush to get a daily schedule again. If you can do it with your shoulder, I can do it with my little health issues. Thank you for the light in my path. Susan
    2472 days ago
    emoticon I love your blog and know exactly what you mean. It is so easy to lose track of what your doing and slip back into old habits. I have slipped back into old habits over the Christmas period and reaped the sad rewards. So like you I have redoubled my efforts.
    emoticon for getting things back on track
    2483 days ago
    Your are quite an inspiration. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2491 days ago
    Great goals for getting back on track!
    2495 days ago
    You can do it! Keep it up!
    2496 days ago
  • 1EMMA2011
    Thank you for your emotional honesty. It is difficult at this time of year for sure. I feel for you with what you wrote because I understand well what you mean. This disease of obesity creeps in whenever we let it. I feel glad that you are in control and are able to readjust your plan to meet your needs. Our team is very important to me and I need to be more active. I want to thank you for leading all of us on our journey.

    I'm especially glad that you have a vacation coming up. While you are away you will have even more opportunity for reflection.

    I wish you all the best and know that together we can kick the pounds to the curb forever!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2496 days ago
    You are a wonderful person and you will get yourself right back on track. I'm rooting for you!
    2496 days ago
    I'm so proud of you, I know you can do what ever you want as long as you make up your mind. You have worked to hard to let this take hold of you. You are such an inspiration! We are here for you.

    I would be happy to give you a good swift kick in the arss. Oh and by the way I am not giving you your big girl clothes back so get moving, we love you and I would LOVE to have a healthy you around for MUCH longer.

    Love you more emoticon emoticon emoticon


    2496 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/20/2012 3:34:00 PM
    You have a GREAT plan, Kath!!! I think you'll do a good job, just remember to give yourself a little leeway for the Christmas holidays! Have a Merry Christmas!!!
    2496 days ago
    You know exactly what to do, Kathy.
    Do not give THEM any power over YOUR life.
    2496 days ago
    Definitely can relate to your blog--well said! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2496 days ago
    emoticon emoticon I'm so proud and happy for you!!! I think this time of year is really hard on all of us. But you caught yourself and you've made a conscience effort to set things right. You are such an inspiration!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2496 days ago
    It's so easy to let things go this time of year. I have even found myself taking a bite of this here & a bite of that there. By the time I log it all in, I have blown all of my calories for snacks & some of them for dinner.

    Hang in there!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2496 days ago
    I am right there with you. I have gained since October. It is very diffucult to refocus this time of year. I think you have great insight and a great plan.
    2496 days ago
    I'm right with beside you on re-dedication! It is so easy to say, "Oh the heck with it" I'll get back on track on the holidays! But, think of how much more ahead of the game we're going to be come January 1st and the New Year's Resolutions will start! emoticon
    2496 days ago
    I often think you are such a Sparking Rock Star, so it's comforting to know that you struggle too to keep within the parameters of your calories. I have given up in the past, but this time I have stuck with my resolve. I think it is partly because since I'm unemployed, I don't have any other major focus in my life other than family and home. You can do it! Keep on sparking!
    2496 days ago
    Good for you, Kath! I know I've been awol and consumed by my own "Stuff" too. Let's get crackin'

    Love you
    2496 days ago
  • SANDYB223
    Good for you Kathy....back on track. YOu can do it. You also have inspired me....I have been struggling with the thoughts like yours "I can just wait until after the holidays" So NO, I also rededicate myself along with you!

    emoticon emoticon
    2496 days ago
    Way to stay on the wagon! You caught yourself dragging your feet a bit but now you are back on track! I'm so glad you have shared this with us because I've been tempted to say "hang it all" til after the holidays too. But I sure would hate to start the new year like that. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2497 days ago
    Great Blog! And I'm impressed with your walk!
    2497 days ago
    Good catch! Bravo!!! emoticon emoticon

    Good on ya for facing your demons and spitting in their face.
    Your accomplishments are worth SOOOO much more than food.

    And I take a stand along side of you.
    NOTHING tastes as good as I feel right now . . . . even if I'm probably only half way to where I want to be . . . . I AM STILL HALF WAY THERE! And nothing is worth losing our forward progress.


    2497 days ago
  • POPSY190
    I think you hit the nail on the head here. It's emotional well-being that is the foundation of other health. I also think you have identified what caused problems in the past and now that you are truly aware of them you'll never return to where you were. We're all human and slip backwards now and then, but picking up and re-focusing is now a habit - and a good one! Have a good Christmas and New Year and learn 1- 5 by heart! So speaks a former teacher!! emoticon
    2497 days ago
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