Fessin' up...

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

This weekend my best friend had her daughter's baby dedication held at her home church. Immediately after all family and friends were to join in on a brunch catered by one of the best sould food restarants in town. My friend is known to not hold back when it comes to event planning. We're talking about someone whose baby shower guest count totaled over 70 people. I knew this dedication would also be in the same fashion. As the days drew near I anticipated going and soon grew a little anxious. I knew that all of our old friends from college would be there and maybe even a few old "flings'. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband with all of my heart, but you know how it is when you see someone you used to date. As I thought about what to wear one thing began to ponder my mind. A lot of my college friends haven't seen me in a while and even more haven't seen me since I had my last baby. I have put on a lot of weight since graduation and was not looking forward to the stares and whispers from my friends.

So what did I do....

I skipped out on the event. I was so mad at myself that I cried and threw myself in a mini depression. I simply didn't want anyone to see how fat I had gotten. The girls from college are so fit and health conscious, I know they would have gossiped about how much weight I've put on since having the kids. I had to apologize to my friend on Monday and tell her something came up, a big fat lie.

I must confess this is not the first time I've done something like this. I've not gone to many outings or random get togethers because I've ashamed of my weight. It feels good to openly confess this because this is one of those things that I tend to keep inside. Only my husband knows that I do this and it angers him. He knows how I used to love socializing with friends. I didn't tell him this was the reason for me skipping the dedication, but I think deep down he knows.

So what did he do...

Later that day, he dropped the kids off and took me on a date, just the two of us...

This is my handsome date! I don't know if he knows how much better he made me feel that evening. This is truly something I have to work hard to overcome. I love this man!

And just for fun here is a pic of me and my youngest later that evening after picking them up from grandma's house. I was feeling a little better :)

So what about you all? Has anyone else out there ditched an event because they're ashamed of their weight? Has anyone lied or stalled to get out of something just so they didn't have to face negative comments? I'm looking for suggestions on how to overcome this.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CHERRIB0106
    Thank you all again for your beautiful comments. I can't even explain how touching this is, I'm tearing up at work. I will overcome this and will not keep letting my weight defeat me!
    2896 days ago
    No dear I can't say that I've ever had these feelings before. I'm usually one of the first people to say I really don't care what anyone thinks about me as long as I'm happy with me and God loves me I'm cool. People will always have opinions of you despite your size, color, smile, no smile, tall, short, etc. Women in particular are so hard on one another that its ridiculous that we tear ourselves apart trying to fit into "everyones normal". You have a handsome husband and beautiful baby that love you unconditionally. He saw beauty beyond your physical appearance and he married that beautiful woman. Now love yourself as much as you're loved. I'm sure he just wants you happy and you have to start being happy with YOU now. You are forever a work in progress and no matter what, your heart should stay filled with love for SELF. While you work on your weight, enjoy life, enjoy you. Once you become positive about how beautiful and wonderful you are - judgment from others will be minute. Your weight does not define you but I'm sure like many of us - you wish you were smaller and healthier and in time with hard work and dedication you can be once again. But don't let life, events and seeing people keep you from living life out loud!!! Be encouraged beautiful woman - we are blessed because you live among us!
    2896 days ago
    You look very good in that picture with your beautiful baby and your husband was so sweet to take you out! Breaks my heart that you felt like that. I've also been there in terms of not feeling comfortable in my own skin, worrying about what people would say about me and skipping out on events.

    I say don't be to mad at yourself but let it bring you the strength to tell yourself: It doesn't matter because I know I am taking my health into my own hands and I am already stronger because of it! emoticon
    2896 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/20/2012 8:49:44 AM
  • CHERRIB0106
    Thank you all for your awesome comments they really mean a lot. It helps to know that I'm not the only one that has struggled with this. Thanks also for the comments about the hubby and kiddo, I'm so thankful that God blessed me with such a beautiful family.
    2897 days ago
  • SPARKLE1908
    I have skipped out on a few events because of just not being "comfortable" in my own skin...but the only way to overcome it is with "baby steps"...I would just go out with a few friends at first and just continually add to the group as you grow more comfortable...I am glad that your husband supports you and you do have a beautiful family!!!
    2897 days ago
  • KREESE116
    Oh i have so done this on many occassions! I know it's awful, but I usually tell everyone my hubby isnt feeling well (which is not a lie 98% of the time) LOL. I too have skipped out on swimming over at the in-laws. They have known me for 8 years though and I still could not bear the thought of them seeing me in my only bathing suit (a 2-peice). I guess I could've worn a t-shirt but I figured they would eventually harrass me into taking it off so I just watched everyone else swim and stuck my feet in the water. How depressing...

    But it's getting a little better..I still don't know if I would wear my bathing suit in front of his family, but luckily there has only been 2 times in 8 years where everyone went swimming at the in-laws LOL. I'm sure as you feel more healthier your confidence will build and u won't decline on invitations as much. Don't be too hard on yourself, you arent the only one out there that does this.. Just keep pushing ahead and you will meet your goals and knock the socks off of your college friends!

    Stay positive! emoticon
    2897 days ago
    A few things:

    No, I have never skipped out on anything because of my weight because even at my heaviest of 272lbs I didn't realize how big i had gotten. I didn't have the self-awareness that many of you have so I was out socializing in things I should not have worn, with makeup that was too heavy trying to cover up the fat, and thinking I was the hottest thing in the room. Thank goodness someone invented the camera. When I finally saw what I REALLY looked like I was depressed for a moment and then I got with it and started on my weight loss journey.

    Your husband and son are both very handsome. Don't cheat them out of having a full life. They want to see their wife and mommy happy and flourishing and she can't do that if she is busy beating herself up.

    Lastly, despite your pics being sideways, I was able to rotate my laptop (my strength training for the day) and see you, the woman who wrote this blog. They didn't seem like the same person. The person who wrote the blog was sad, pitiful and depressed. The woman I see in that picture is GORGEOUS, spirited, happy and very polished. I hope you begin to see what your husband and others see in you.
    2897 days ago
  • no profile photo CD13409396
    I skipped out on swimming during the summer with my fiance's family. I'm still getting to know them, and I didn't want my in-laws judging me. /sigh. I had a mini-panic/depression fit afterwards. We shouldn't let our weight control our life! I go out now and think to myself, "Sure,sure, I'm overweight now, but not for long! Everyone I see daily will get to see my progress, is all."

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2897 days ago
  • no profile photo CD11032977
    FIrst of all....your lil one is sooooooo adorable!!! And you have a good looking hubby too.

    I have done the same thing. My 10 year high school reunion was last year and I did not go b/c of my weight. I was beyond embarrassed to let anyone see me. As for overcoming that fear...I have no idea. I avoid meeting up with friends from high school still, b/c I am not comfortable with my weight.
    2897 days ago
  • CHERRIB0106
    First time trying to add pics, I had no clue they were going to be sideways!!! emoticon
    2897 days ago
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