Wednesday, December 19, 2012
30 days ago, I felt incredibly helpless with weight loss. I felt like there wasn’t any hope for getting healthy again. 30 days ago, I felt like dying wanting desperately to start over somehow. I often dreamt of waking up and this obesity was a dream. 30 days ago, I had some neuropathy in my left foot that I was incredibly cavalier about. 30 days ago, I was miserable. I felt like a burden to everyone. I hated crowds, being in a group of people; I walked without confidence and could feel the stares. It’s amazing what 30 days and total commitment can do to one’s outlook.
It feels like I have been on this protocol forever. I know I have a long way to go. However, it is months. I can do months. As I had stated earlier, my parents are leaving for Arizona in a couple of days and I told them that my hope was that when they returned, I would be unrecognizable. For as many conversations as I have had regarding this very thing, I have never come through with the results. I had always promised what I wanted to accomplish without giving a lot of thought to the how. I suppose waiting for the magic pill was the one way I was going to find happiness. This time, I know I will be a success. I believe it, mostly because I am realizing it every day. Every day I get on the scale, there is a drop. Sometimes it is a tenth or two, but it is DOWN. Add up all the tenths and it eventually becomes whole pounds. I have one pair of jeans that fit when they come out of the dryer but after wearing them all day, begin to slide off my hips. I have a belt that is just inches away from being usable. I don’t want to go shopping for clothes because it will be like buying shoes for a 6 month old. Before they have a chance to wear them they will be in the next size up. I feel like anything I buy at this point will need to be replaced with something smaller very soon. So I wait. I figure when I reach my goal weight, there will be a shopping spree and the good news is, I will be able to shop ANYWHERE.
A lot has changed over the last month. I believe the biggest change has been a mental change. I approach what I eat completely different. My kids are involved in 4-H and the club’s Christmas party was a couple of nights ago. It was a potluck. There was A LOT of good food. Well, what is good to eat but not good for you. Pizza, pasta, ravioli, meat and cheese trays, cheesecake, pies, cakes, cookies, soda…you get the idea. What I saw were the salads and lean protein. Someone made meatballs. I asked the lady what was in them. She said 93% lean ground beef and spices. I had 4 of those and they were probably an ounce a piece. Someone brought some romaine in a bowl. I grabbed a handful of that and a cup or so of raw broccoli and then went and sat down. What was once a trough of yummy, turned into eating what I know was going to be assimilated by my body in a positive way. I can only imagine the misery I would have felt had I decided to try just a small piece of something bad for me. I am sure my body would have rejected it in my ways than one. I cannot remember when the last time I had actual sugar, in excess. I was glad I could look at food in a different way. 30 days ago, it would have been a different story. It would have just been a day closer to my pre-mature death.
I have a life time to go. I know there is a potential end road to this program. Since I have always approached this as a lifestyle change however, I know I will need to proceed with caution for the rest of my life. I am OK with that and look forward to using the knowledge and confidence that I will have gained through IP to make these changes permanent. So it is only 30 days down, but a lifetime to go. I look forward now to my future, the positive changes that I will have both mentally and physically. I hope to pass on my habits to my kids first, but to my associates at work as well. If I can change for the better, anyone can.