KRYSTL719
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Oh How I have missed my Sparkpeople lifestyle...

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

As with the best of us, and as with any addiction, we are always able to fall off the wagon, and yep. I fell hard. Not at first, I thought I would take a week off when my sister had her baby. I was just so excited. It wasn't even my kid, it was just the thought that someone I would have never thought to bear a child, had one, and I knew I wanted to give her all the proud krystl knowledge I had available. How the heck that turned into a 2.5 month offing IDK, but it started there- ALWAYS WITH GOOD INTENTION" is the saying =)

So I refused to stick to a exercise plan and track my food! I honestly could only count that as part of my food addiction that took over. Because trust me, I feel it bad. OH DO I!

This is where I seriously have to step in. I let my higher self tell me to go on SP. Dont do anything, don't clean the house... go on Sparkpeople!... and I listened, and I feel damn good just logging in. Logging in writing the beginning blog is what I dreaded the most. I have to come to the conclusion that I am back in the same predicament I was in when I started SP. Im ready to come clean to the people who may have looked up to my efforts before. I FELL OFF THE WAGON. It was getting a bit bumpy for a while anyhow. I wasn't eating breakfast until late and them damn MONSTER energy drinks my b/f would come home with... well, I think they poisoned my brain.

I am deathly scared to weigh myself, I will leave myself a note to do that in the morning ... and just suck it in and take this one day at a time.

I am very angry at my b/f. I swear its like he wants me to fail. He wins either way. He is insecure about himself and this relationship, so when i was losing weight I dont think he had prepared to mentally - me being happy without being codependant... meaning I was finding happiness not depending on him or the food he stuffs in my face.... and I was a strong person... and of course the fact he always thinks I am going to cheat on him. Hello! I have been with you for over 8 years, get a grip dude. I dont know how much longer I can handle that baggage.

For now I have to get back to the beginning, bare basics. Start over, which means putting my foot down about the freaking junk food in this house HE brings in. The horrible eating habits, the disrespect in general I let slide. Do you know how bad I want to swear right now as I vent? HA

Of course The holidays are upon us, and I will of course have the family here for our Christmas dinner. So far that is understandable, but I must express how much I have missed all of you.

I am not going to be perfect in the beginning, but I am going to be conscious of my actions. The only fast food I want to ever eat would be subway. Wish me luck tomorrow with my weigh-in and how well I handle it. Right now it's time that I tell my family and make this clear that I was off my healthy ways for 2 months and its time to get back on track.

If anything- I PROVED THAT ITS NOT GOING TO CHANGE UNLESS I DO IT. I CAN'T RELY ON ANYONE ELSE. ONLY LITTLE OLE ME IS MAKING A HUGE POWERFUL CHANGE AGAIN. Against all the odds here.

More than likely I will be changing a few things around on my profile, putting things up to date, getting them back to the starting line, but anyone who took the time out to read this, I thank You. I would be on a path to killing myself if it werent for Sparkpeople, and the great vibes I get coming here from all of you and your journeys.

Have a great week.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CCASKEY37
    Welcome back. I wish I could be so good as to say I never fell off the wagon. I totally feel your pain. My wife cooked about a million cookies and cupcakes for Christmas and they are just sitting there in the kitchen. I've been strong for a couple days but my wife wonders if she made crappy cookies because I'm not eating them. Anyway. Trying to stay positive and trying to enjoy the holidays. Hope you can do the same.
    2158 days ago
  • FIREFLY4407
    Good for you!! It's not easy to pull yourself back on track once you've started to get derailed, but nothing will be more rewarding than getting healthy for yourself. You can do it!! I found that setting up some Spark streak trackers helped me really focus.
    2160 days ago
  • RDGISME
    Welcome back-we missed you! You have taken a huge step forward in your re-start and most of us have taken the same trip! I will hope for your new beginning to be a road traveled with faith in yourself! Sparkin' everyday will help: I promise!
    2160 days ago
  • RUTHIEWANNABFIT
    Great job coming back!! I fell off for more than 2 months so I can totally relate! We are back and dusting ourselves off! You can do this! WOO HOO!
    2161 days ago
  • CAKEMAKERMOM
    As long as you come back, you haven't failed. It may have been a temporary set-back, but not a complete failure. You know what you need to do and you're prepared to do it! Keep it up!
    2161 days ago
  • NEVERORNOW
    Welcome back! We all fall off the wagon, so don't be too hard on yourself. What matters is that you are back and ready to tackle what needs to be done. I know you can do it, and that you will. emoticon
    2161 days ago
  • DOROELLIS
    It's always hardest to admit that we "Failed" but by realizing that you weren't happy puts you ahead of the game. Like you said, take it a day at a time, and love yourself for getting back on the wagon.

    2161 days ago
  • SLIMMERJESSE
    Welcome back. It's all part of the process. Best wishes for success.
    2161 days ago
  • CATMAGNET
    Welcome back! I know what it's like to fall off the wagon and come back...but at least in my experience, it was sweeter the second time around, because I got healthy for ME and no one else.

    I wish you the same happiness, peace of mind and joy that I've been able to find in my journey! You can do this!
    2161 days ago
  • GLINDAGOODWITCH
    HAVE A HAPPY SPARKLING SPARK FILLED DAY! emoticon
    2161 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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