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Failure is the opportunity to begin again....

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Saturday, December 15, 2012

"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently." (Henry Ford)

On March first, I started streaking, doing my best to make each day as healthy as possible. At that time I weighed 286 lbs. I was living a very sedentary lifestyle and living on mostly junk food. Every day was full of pain; the physical pain of obesity from sore knees, hips, feet and everything else...along with the emotional pain of being embarrassed by how I looked and by my own lack of control over food. When I finally just got so sick of myself that I couldn't stand it anymore, I decided to make a change. I just wanted to try to do as much as I could to reclaim my health and self esteem. So I decided to start streaking. My goal was to just make each day as healthy as I possibly could.

When I started my streak, I had no idea how many days in a row I would be able to go. I thought for sure I would have to start over...and over...and over. But a funny thing happened. I found that with each successful day I had, I gained strength and determination to just keep going to the next day, and the next. I would wake up every morning feeling proud of myself for the hard work I'd done the day before. Each workout made me feel strong and confident that I could keep going, that I could do more. Each time I ate a healthy meal, it felt like my body was thanking me for treating it with respect. As the days turned into weeks, I started building up my workout time, from 15 minutes a day to 45...to 60...to more.

I was losing weight and inches, but more importantly, I was gaining LIFE. I've said this before but I'll say it again...as my body got smaller, my life got bigger! I stopped thinking of this as a streak, and started thinking of it as a lifestyle. I became a completely different person...not just thinner, but happier, more confident, more optimistic, and healthier. I was thinking that it would be possible for me to make my streak last for an entire year!

Unfortunately, my streak ended today. I let stress and money worries get to me, and I binged...a HUGE binge! Afterwards, I felt so remorseful and sick. The weight of that disgusting junk food in my stomach made me feel physically ill. It amazes me that I used to binge like that all the time! How did I ever live that way? It does not feel good to gorge yourself on food.

So my streak has ended...but a new one is starting. Am I disappointed that my streak has ended? Yes, I am. But I'm not beating myself up about it. It was a mistake...and I have learned from it. I've learned that I do not EVER want to go back to the old me. I know what I want...I want to be healthy, fit, and trim. And I know what I need to do in order to make that happen, so I am getting right back to work. I have a light, healthy dinner planned. I am not going to starve myself to make up for that binge. I'm just getting myself back on track, and looking ahead.

I am never going to give up. This was just a setback, not the end of the road.

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