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Thursday, December 13, 2012

Oy Vie! Feeling like the year of putting myself first is over early. Wah. Thought I'd been trying my best to find a moment to workout but see now via calendar I've only worked out 3x this month.
My sister who just lost her Significant Other in a car wreck last month, has been insistent on smoking around me/us and today is the first time in 6 days I've not had a raging migrane from being locked in the car with her 2 hours Friday. I know it is not the time to put the pressure on a smoker, but I absolutely can't tolerate it. She is used to getting her way by intimidating/temper fit then morph to tears.....so it's hard to remember the tears this time are more likely 'real'.

My visiting sis from the East Coast has had enough and is going home next week. This terrifies me because local sis does not do well at being alone and I can't take on being with her, both due to the smoking (she'll agree not to smoke in the house but the minute the other person goes to bed, she starts chain smoking again in the living room) and because my mom is out of rehab and I'm 'watching' her now and she spends nights with me (mom). Just feels like a very rough period of life coming up here very soon.

Of course, all this is all the more reason to take care of myself and workout, now if I can only make that the priority over everyone else's needs, it'll be a miracle. Hey a Christmas miracle, why not?!

I can't explain how goofy my hurt sister is. She'll even tell you she has brain damage from all the problems she had last year when we almost lost her...but...she is out of control. She isn't good at the details of things, doesn't know how to handle daily business etc, but swings from crying "I need help! I can't figure this out" to "I'm a F$3%ing Adult, i know how to do this". The biggest issue being she can't keep her mouth shut. She has pending injury lawsuit due to the guy who turned in front of her, she keeps talking to people she shouldn't about it, and keeps pulling her late g/f's sister into things for no reason. It's like she just can't stop talking about every detail , private or otherwise, of her situ. She's never been good at being 'quiet' or alone with her own thoughts. She'd call me enroute to visit me I've strongly suggested a therapist but she is old school tough girl, and dismisses it. Honestly, as horrible as it sounds, I don't want to be the one who has to listen to the upcoming depression. I get way too sucked in and get depressed as well. But how do you tell someone who needs to talk that it's 'just too much' for you? Ugh.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Praying for your during this very stressful time. You HAVE to find you time. Even it if is in 10 minutes spurts. Hang in there. emoticon
    2288 days ago
    Outline clearly that the only one that can help her is herself.
    By choosing not to get a professional therapist during this severe tragedy and ignoring the depth of her need she is clearly choosing to fail herself. It could be Survivor's Guilt and she subconciously wants to fade, but, that's all beyond your reach for helping her.

    Have people made it through tragedies without a professional?
    However, it is so healing to have someone that is neutral to acknowledge our loss and allow us to take time to heal. A place that's a sanctuary to our loss. A place that when we're ready to to breath again it's an option and they'll know how we can successfully move forward. Someone that we will not break with the weight of our loss.

    2289 days ago
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