Tuesday, December 11, 2012
It is said that everything in moderation is acceptable. That’s fine and dandy for most. It’s like the clothes that say “one size fits all.” Anyone who has been huge knows the one size does not fit all. It fits MOST if lucky. Even then, obese folks don’t even fit into the ‘most’ category. It’s sad that those with little understanding of obesity have the greatest advice; all of which I completely ignore. Ignorance serves no one and when comments are made about heavy people and the choices they make, I want to punch the “adviser” square in the throat. They haven’t a clue about the struggles of food living in a perfect world with no problems.
In some ways, my parents didn’t know how to help me through my weight struggles. Neither one of them had a weight problem. Neither one of them had an issue with food. How could they help? Not that I feel abandoned, because my predicament was brought on by lack of control. However, reminding me of the way things used to be only brings me down further….or DID bring me down further. It caused me to question the value I really brought to this world. Looking back, that was a silly way to look at things. I bring a lot of value and I realize more and more how important I am to a lot of people including the very people that didn’t know what they could do to help me. I have no animosity towards my parents or anyone really that questions how someone can have an issue with food. For the same reason I am not an adviser to NASA. I don’t know enough about physics or engineering to lend a hand; just like my parents not being fat themselves being able to offer me and sort of advice regarding my addiction. It is also why discussing a divorce fell on mute ears with them as well….being married for almost 50 years. I am not faulting them, just pointing some things out.
So in order for me to have success, there is a great deal of reflection. As this journal would indicate, there is a lot of analysis on what got me here; a divorce, the subsequent bankruptcy that followed. I had the added stress of balancing work, my daughter, my ex-wife, my debt. On top of that, dealing with the mild depression and feelings of failure that followed regarding all of the above. Then there was meeting my wife and having a very early pregnancy in our relationship. This compounds the stress, increases cortisol release which contributes to obesity rather significantly. About the only thing I could control in my life after these dramatic events was food. I had plenty of control over the food. I am a fantastic cook and could cook whole foods without difficulty. However, I also had freedom to choose factoring in convenience before quality. It was and still is a cycle. Now, I have a 15-year old from my failed marriage who got left behind, by me, on so many levels. I have come to grips with the fact I cannot control everything. I have had to relive some heartache to overcome the pain; face the feelings rather than drown them in gravy, so to speak. I think there are a lot of people that ignore the obvious strife in their life without thinking of a solution. Food used to be a solution. Food is, and always should have been, the fuel that energized the mind and body to overcome any obstacle. IP has allowed me to re-establish that relationship. Maybe with my weight and health under control I can re-establish some personal connections that I have ignored. Like all things, I suppose time will tell. I just hope I am not too late. A lot of people have been waiting patiently. Some even impatiently including myself. It’s funny, really. The magic pill I was waiting for turned out to be more about self-reflection and admission of faults. For the same reason I opted to not get bariatric surgery, I feel like I am being broken down to be built back up. There is a new found strength and confidence that was lacking in all of the other diets I had attempted. This program demands adherence. Without the adherence, old habits rule the roost which is something I cannot afford to have in my life. Out with the old, in with the new.