oh my gosh, slow down already!

Sunday, December 09, 2012

It's been a tough few days for me. My eating is off. Not too many calories but too few calories. I'm bipolar and I've been on a manic high for about 4 days. I'm not eating well. I'm within carb range always but below everything else. Haven't weighed in because I know it won't be an accurate weight loss because what I've been doing nutritionally is not something that I will be doing for the rest of my life. It's part of this phase. For me, I lose my appetite and gain tremendous amounts of energy. I have done more house cleaning, walking, cooking, and organizing than I think I've EVER done in atleast a year. That's how much energy I've had. Like today, I've been up since 345AM. In the last two days alone, I've burned 750 cals just in house cleaning. We're talking deep cleaning too. I've walked about 4 miles and color coded all of my old receipts, medical info, and contract stuff. I had 4 boxes worth. DONE!

I know it seems great that I'm getting so much done, but I can't stand this cycle. I'm not sleeping right. I did sleep about 6 hours last night but it was broken sleep and BING! I was up at 345A and I was wide awake. Started organizing and then went on the puter. The last 4 days I have been like that. Up early everyday and finding household chores to keep me busy or I walk or I start crock potting some fancy type meal for supper for my family. I'm not eating right. Like I said, I'm way below my 1200-1400 range. Today, I had 741 cals and was below on everything else so I'm not even getting the "good stuff" either. Sigh...

The energy is great, I'll admit it. BUT, the energy for 4 days is killing me. My head is not slowing down but my body is. I was SO exhausted today. I had done dishes after serving lunch, sweeping, mopping both kitchen and dining area. I just dropped into the recliner but my head was telling me about 10 other things I could be doing. I ache. I have osteoarthritis in my back and doing so much bending, stretching, reaching, etc. has really affected my back but I just can't seem to stop.

I know this will end and I'm glad if I'm going to have a phase atleast it's a "safe one" overspending, no intrusive thoughts, no acting out. Atleast it's just the energy of WonderWoman! I know I'm going to crash and I am dreading that. I am hoping that the meds I'm on will prevent a big crash and just make it a small gentle landing.

I know some of u can relate to my story. We, as bipolars love the energy, cuz our meds rob us of that so often. We feel alive for awhile. But, it must end. For me, it has to. Physically I can't keep up anymore. I need to just relax and hopefully tonight I will and sleep will find me once again...

Thanks for reading...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Take care of yourself.
    2994 days ago
    2995 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5707126
    emoticon my friend. Thinking of you and wishing you some rest and peaceful days ahead.
    2995 days ago
    Hi sweetie. Hope you're doing ok and have gotten some rest after being Wonder Woman! Thinking of you (((big hug)))
    2998 days ago
    Courtney, I'm sorry you are experiencing this. I'm not Bipolar but I suffer from terrible insomnia. I am so filled with energy sometimes it's ridiculous. I have to take sleeping pills to regulate my sleep. I don't ever have the crash you were referring to but I know how it feels not to be able to shut off your mind. It really throws off everything, including eating right and exercising. I'm here if you ever need to vent or help you through the crash.
    2999 days ago
    I'm so sorry you're at this point in the cycle! I am not Bipolar so I don't know what you're going through--I just know it sounds distressing. I think I would feel frightened to feel so out of control. I'm hoping you have a gentle landing. Hugs to you!!!!
    2999 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4630076
    Aw dear girl. I hope this frenzy ends soon!!! I shudder at memories of highs....tho true,there is this pull of "oh my gosh I love having energy/alertness again" but also a scary feeling knowing its not a good energy....So I sure feel for you! I hope your mind will calm down soon! Try to eat protein at least. :) And try taking a bubble soak and then when you drain the tub, imagine all your streses/energy draining away as you feel the water drain away....Sounds weird, but it works for me--even though I have to force myself to sit still and focus! Sending my love & hugs!
    3000 days ago
  • LARISSA238
    *hugs* I would call your pdoc when you can... you will need meds to help calm you down and to make the crash gentler. Call me when you can... try taking deep breaths and smelling calming scents to you. *hugs*
    3000 days ago
    Courtney thanks for your honesty about Bipolar. It helps to educate others about it and give them a clue to what we can go through. I'm glad you are getting allot done but I know you will have the dreaded crash soon. I know your body needs rest so I hope for you it is a gentle one too. Try to get some sleep when you can and regenerate! Good luck Lucinda
    3000 days ago
    Sorry to hear you are manic Courtney. Well, a positive you have a very clean house for the holidays! Try forcing yourself to relax. Watch a good movie? Drink calamine tea? At least you know this will pass. If too bad call your psych dr. Wishing you well - emoticon
    3000 days ago
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