1,000-2,499 SparkPoints 1,505

Lack of Support

Saturday, December 08, 2012

One of the thing that bugs me the most about trying to make any positive change in my life is that I have no support from my real life family or friends (and no local friends because I have isolated myself so much due to depression, hoarding, and just lack of energy & motivation).

Even now, my husband knows I'm trying to lose weight, watches me plan and track my food and measure portions, then tries to give me more and/or brings me desserts then gets mad when I tell them I don't want them. He refuses to watch my son so I can exercise and keeps telling me it's pointless, I won't stick with it, etc. It pisses me off and hurts me and makes me want to eat a bunch of junk food to sooth my hurt feelings, so I'm trying to channel that frustration into working out instead.

Even that, though, I can't do when my husband is home because he messes with me or makes snide remarks about it, and I am limited in what I can do with my son because he's too big to ride in a stroller much and too small to walk or ride a bike and keep up. Right now, I'm waiting until everyone is in bed and either walking around midnight or waking up at 4am so I can go and be back home before my husband leaves for work. The problem with that is it leaves me exhausted and then he's mad because I go to bed early or need a nap in the afternoon.

I know that I need to get in shape and lose this weight for me, not for anybody else, and that i will feel so much better when I do, but I feel like I'm alone in it and it keeps me stressed out and frustrated all the time and so tempted to give up before I even start.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    All I can say is block it out and don't feel guilty for what you are doing. Try explaining to him but that may not help. Eventually he will come around or his sabotaging will no longer affect you. It's always harder at the start. I had friends who would, in a nice way, tease me about going to the gym on Friday nights and obsessing over calories. Then they started to see the results and realize I was serious. Now they are used to it and know that it's just something I do. Just like my hair color or where I live. It's just part of who I am. Hang in there and try not to take it too personally. His actions are more about his issues than your own.

    Hugs and good luck.
    2797 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/13/2012 6:51:43 PM
    Great advice. I just wanted to say I am here for you, as are your other SP friends. emoticon


    Smile and Enjoy the Rest of Your Day!
    Melinda (gopintos)
    Perfect Health Diet Team
    Country Living Team
    Dr Oz Show Fans Team
    Wheat Belly Team

    2797 days ago
    I was 325+ lbs when I met my husband in 2005. I was around 300 when we got married later that year. I had issues with him deliberately sabotaging my weight loss because he was afraid I would get "skinny and prettier" and end up with no need for him. He's a fit person with a high metabolism. We talked/hashed it out and he backed off but, honestly he didn't really understand until he gained a lot of weight from health problems in 2010.

    Help reassure him that your weight loss is for your health so that you'll have more time to live life with him. He may need comfort from you that you'll still want him when you're skinny.

    Believe me I know that is all easier said than done. When they say snide remarks, sabotage your healthy food goals, and won't support your workout efforts the last thing you want is to give them extra love and support but more like a kick in the rear. Ahh, the joys of marriage. When they hurt you the most the woman usually has to buck up and hold their hand.
    2800 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/10/2012 11:01:37 AM
  • no profile photo CD13390861
    You have got a lot of great advice, and support. I would suggest talking with him about this too if you haven't done so. It may simply be that he is afraid that if you change that your relationship will change also.

    I noticed someone else mentioned joining a local support group. I, myself, joined a local TOPS group, which is a weight loss support group that not only offers support and motivation but shows you how to live a healthy lifestyle instead of fad dieting. That may be something you may want to check into.

    2801 days ago
    Yes, this is sometimes a very solo journey. Maybe you can start a group in your area.
    2801 days ago
    Unfortunately, many of us are alone in our weight loss journey. It sounds like there is more to your husband's sabotaging though. You may need to have a serious sit down with him and explain your reasons for wanting to lose the weight and the clutter and that if he's not going to be supportive by not making the snide remarks and watching HIS child to help you out and why this non-supportive stuff will make you think about your relationship with him.

    In the world of making your life better negative people will need to be cut out. Hopefully you can get him to see your side and maybe even become supportive, but if he's going to still behave like that, prove him wrong and make yourself healthy despite his negativity. You need to be happy for you!

    Have you brought your doctor into your plans? I hope you've seen one about your depression, it could be something simple like hormones being off or a vitamin d deficiency to something bigger like the lack of support your husband gives you and I'm guessing it goes farther than just the weight loss. Once you get that kind of support from your doctor, you'll be able to do a lot more for your health.

    And my final note, You are worth it! You are worth the effort it takes to find healthy choices. You are worth the time it takes to instill those choices. You are worth the effort it takes to love yourself. You are worth the effort it takes to make your home a safe and happy place to be. You are worth the effort it takes to provide a happy mommy for your child. Don't wait for others to get out of the way for your healthy choices, go find ways to make them happen!
    2801 days ago
    I agree, I would use that kind of negativity as motivation to prove him wrong.
    But have you tried sitting down and talking it through with him? I know a few people whose hubbies/partners were sabotaging because they were afraid that their new skinnier/healthier/happier woman wouldn't want them any more. Maybe he's scared and just needs reassurance.
    2802 days ago
    I am feeling for you. emoticon It is difficult dealing with unsupportive people, much less having to live with them, and often we get so focused on them that we forget to step back and look at the problem from an angle of "what I can do" instead of "what I cannot." That at least seems to be the effect those type of people have on me...

    I've been reading a lot here on SP, and lately on the news on the internet that just moving for 10 minutes 3 times a day can make a tremendous difference. Maybe if you were to take 10 minutes 3 times a day and just march around the house, or dance around the house, or even walk/run in place you could meet your fitness goals. Your son would probably think you were playing with him and rate you as the best mommy ever! Maybe that would remove some of the stress on how to get your exercising in.

    There is a lot of encouragement here on SP. Keep hanging on here, get on some teams if you haven't already, and if they aren't doing it for you, try some more! It helps me so much to know that my sparkfriends are here cheering me on. They care! Don't focus on the lack of support at home, just keep on grabbing all the support you can get from here.

    Ultimately it comes down to what you really want. You will hang in there and do this for yourself, or you will use others to stop you. No one can make you, or stop you unless you let them. It is extra hard to have to live with a "built in" excuse to stop (like having an unsupportive spouse), but you have the ability within you to succeed! You obviously want to, because you are here. But as I read earlier tonight, wanting to and doing it are two different things. You can do it! We are here for you! Your path may be harder in the support aspect, but others paths are harder in other aspects. It's a tough journey for all of us, and that journey begins and ends in our minds. Henry Ford is quoted as saying "If you think you can do a thing or you think you can't do a thing, you are right." You can do this, and I for one, am standing with you! Looking forward to celebrating the new healthy you!


    2802 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/9/2012 12:42:08 AM
    I'm sorry your don't have support at home and it's really mean of your husband to treat you like that and try and discourage you. I use to have a lady that I worked with many years ago before I lost a lot of weight she told me I couldn't do it and would offer me crap at work just to try and have me fail.
    I used her as my motivation to lose weight and lose I did! I lost over 150lbs and when I did she said oh your so skinny! I said thanks to you, I said you told me I couldn't do it and every time someone offered me a candy I saw her face and said no thank you!
    Use him as your motivation to do it and prove him wrong! You can do this , believe in you and stop taking what he's offering you.
    Try to do exercising that your son can be involved in even if it's running around with him in the backyard or getting a seat for him so you can go for a bike ride with him on the back.
    2802 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/9/2012 12:03:53 AM
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by -RAINE-