Lack of Support
Saturday, December 08, 2012
One of the thing that bugs me the most about trying to make any positive change in my life is that I have no support from my real life family or friends (and no local friends because I have isolated myself so much due to depression, hoarding, and just lack of energy & motivation).
Even now, my husband knows I'm trying to lose weight, watches me plan and track my food and measure portions, then tries to give me more and/or brings me desserts then gets mad when I tell them I don't want them. He refuses to watch my son so I can exercise and keeps telling me it's pointless, I won't stick with it, etc. It pisses me off and hurts me and makes me want to eat a bunch of junk food to sooth my hurt feelings, so I'm trying to channel that frustration into working out instead.
Even that, though, I can't do when my husband is home because he messes with me or makes snide remarks about it, and I am limited in what I can do with my son because he's too big to ride in a stroller much and too small to walk or ride a bike and keep up. Right now, I'm waiting until everyone is in bed and either walking around midnight or waking up at 4am so I can go and be back home before my husband leaves for work. The problem with that is it leaves me exhausted and then he's mad because I go to bed early or need a nap in the afternoon.
I know that I need to get in shape and lose this weight for me, not for anybody else, and that i will feel so much better when I do, but I feel like I'm alone in it and it keeps me stressed out and frustrated all the time and so tempted to give up before I even start.