40,000-49,999 SparkPoints 43,752

Simple Logic

Friday, December 07, 2012

My meal plan is going fine. I'm staying below my calorie range, and tracking my food everyday. I've already noticed a change in face--which is always the first place I lose weight.

I've also noticed that I'm able to stand up for a longer amount of time when I'm taking a shower, and it's also easier for me to get out of my recliner, which, trust me, is no easy task! I want so badly to get this weight off. I'm just plain old sick and tired of being handicapped because of my weight.

Last night was my 7 year old grandson's Christmas Choir Program. I wasn't able to go and see him sing. I can barely manage to type these words and admit that without wanting to cry. I feel sick inside in not only what I'm missing out on, but more importantly to me, what I'm making my family miss out on. A few weeks ago was Grandparent's Day at my kid's school. I couldn't go as I knew my weight would not allow me to walk down the halls to their classes. I also wasn't sure of the seating, and whether or not I would fit in the chairs--or worse--collapse one. My DH and my brother went to that function without me. I stayed home and cried all day. A few days later I fell in the kitchen, and, no matter how hard I tried, I absolutely could not get up. I had to call my DH home from hunting to help me get up. I have never in my entire life felt as helpless, ashamed and angry with myself as I felt that morning sitting on the floor waiting for someone to help me up because I had eaten myself into being so large that I couldn't maneuver it on my own.

For those of you reading this who are perhaps not familiar with anyone who is very, VERY large, they might not understand how someone could permit this to happen to themselves. How could anyone eat so uncontrollably that they become a virtual prisoner inside their own bodies? How could they risk their health, mobility and indeed their very quality of life by over-eating? My answer to you in I just plain don't know. I truly don't.

And I'm not alone. Neither the medical community nor the overweight individuals themselves can pin point any, one, cause why this happens. Theories abound that may include genetics, environment, psychological factors, level of income and even social class. There are a myriad of reasons why a person can become Super Morbidly Obese. That's the correct term. Not very pretty sounding, is it?

What most medical authorities DO agree on is that at an individual level, a combination of eating too much and a lack of physical activity is thought to explain most cases. And becoming VERY fat is the end result.

And that's the only part I care about. Because in the end--I really don't care WHY I became fat. All I care about it is knowing how can I get RID OF IT? And common sense tells me that since I became fat one meal at a time, I can get thin the same way.

I'm writing this here--something I ordinarily find very hard to do, -- not for sympathy, but to explain why I am DETERMINED that I am not going to live the rest of my life as a helpless victim of my own wrong choices. I am taking back control of my life.

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    My heart is with you. I'm so sorry that you are missing out on things that are important to you. Just take it one day at a time and you WILL reach your goals. You CAN do this. I'm here to keep you company along the way.
    1985 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1990 days ago
    Please hear and read what WOUBBIE tells you in her response. I felt almost the same as you. I may not have weighed as much but my life has changed. I had 2 total knee replacements and have been on a low carb, moderate protein, high fat diet for more than a year now and have lost 71 pounds. I am rarely hungry with this way of eating. When I see and hear people like you I want to yell, "Hey there really is hope and it is not your fault and there is a way out and you can have freedom!" That is how I feel for the first time in years. I have freedom and I feel like my life is just beginning again. I used a walker for almost 10 years. Now I am walking with no assistance and riding an exercise bike and feeling so good. I feel like I want to fly and almost could. Please sparkmail me if you want to talk more. I care for you and want you to LIVE! Really live!

    1992 days ago
    I think it is very important to find out what caused us to be this way -- each one of us is an individual and our bodies are different from each other. It's been proven that different people can eat exactly the same things and some will gain weight and others will lose. It's not just a matter of how much we eat but what we eat. Sugar, starch and other high glycemic foods are a problem for most of us. Some of us have to avoid all foods containing gluten and all dairy products and limit our fat intake as well. When I go to someone's home or to a restaurant there is often nothing there that meets all the criteria that I need so I end up having a cup of herb tea and waiting until I get home to eat. I try to think of the foods I can't eat as poison -- and they really are for me. The story is not all bad though -- I can prepare delicious meals at home and eat as much as I want if I stick to the right foods. The trick is finding the right foods for me as an individual and sticking to it. There are some foods that I have to have in limited amounts, of course, such as meat, good fats and nuts -- but the lowcarb veggies don't have to be limited -- I can pig out on broccoli and homemade veggie soup. I don't have to starve!! -- but I do have to be disciplined and eat the right foods. If I try to eat wheat (or some other grains with or without gluten), high carb veggies, sugar, or dairy I am hungry all the time. It's been a long hard road trying to find what works for me but I do know that I could never do it by just counting calories. So yes I believe it is very important to figure out what has made us morbidly obese (and I am still there even though I have lost about 60 lbs -- I'm short) so that we can make sure that we when we lose the fat it stays off.

    We can do this if to choose to do it!

    Bev Anne
    1992 days ago
    My dear dear friend.... Next week is my granddaughter's 1st band concert. I am driving to the school & sitting in my van while my son & other grandchildren go inside for the concert. I used the excuse that I was going to stay in the van with the baby.... the truth is that I knew I could not walk down the halls & feel certain I will not fit into the auditorium chairs. The 19th is Grandparents day at my grandson's school. I used the excuse that I had to teach class. ... truth, I could find a substitute.. but believe I'd tip over the tables that they have in their lunch room AND again, could not walk through the halls. You're right... we are prisoners of our own bodies. The best thing that we can do is keep LOVING OURSELVES HEALTHY... and Spark On! I'm with you my friend. You need not cry alone. Love ya.... emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1992 days ago
    I'm glad you blogged this today. Having a friend, in this case, many friends to vent to is a number one way to help with this journey. I wish you luck hope you stay in touch.
    1992 days ago
  • ANNANN63
    This is a very brave post. emoticon Stay with SP even if things get difficult because this truly is the place to be to learn how to lose weight and then maintain that loss. You are worth this effort as is your family. God bless you.
    1992 days ago
    What a blessing you are, for sharing what we all feel and know to be part of our lives but have such a hard time saying. I have spent a lot of time working on the 'why' and you're right, it just doesn't matter in the end. Understanding what triggers me, what pushes me, what hurts me is important- but the rest is just the rest.
    I read a lot of responses about wheat. What I can tell you is that it's not just wheat that is the problem. And that is the problem. There is no simple 'aha' that fixes this all. It's one meal, one day, one choice at a time. I've been wheat free for 18 months and I weigh more now than when I was eating it. Because the alternatives I seek are just as bad for you. Over-processed, full of fat. Paleo makes the most sense to me but it isn't always easy to stick to. Still, one meal, one day, one choice.
    I love you lady, and I'm right there with you. You, me and Kathy. Three little peas in a pod! emoticon
    1992 days ago
    As a nurse they link a lot of it to hormones. Personally I think a lot of it can be traced to wheat intolerance and allergy. While is is difficult to overcome this problem it can be done. The best way is by one of the leptin reset programs like paleo and primal. They get rid of the hunger which really helps. Don't give up. You are important to your family. Don't let them down.
    1992 days ago
  • KITT52
    I know how you feel....just keep doing your best and you will reach your goal....
    remind your self that food is not the answer to your issues....

    Love your self no matter what you weigh....

    big HUGS.....

    please feel free to spark mail me any time....I don't have all the answers but I am a good listener......stay strong
    1992 days ago
    Way to go Georgia with your current weight loss.

    Don't fret on the past with your eating. Keep focused on the prize/destination. Slow and steady is the only way to go. You know there is no magic pill that will get you there. It is all up to you and support from your loving family.

    Do you think it is wise to go below your calories? You have to keep it realistic. The calorie range and exercise has to be something that you should be able to maintain in your lifestyle for the long term to help you lose and keep it off.

    Remember the moments of the good things happening to you when you lose weight.

    1992 days ago
    You are ready.

    You are motivated.

    You will change your life.

    If you haven't already read this book:
    get it and read it right away. (Your local library probably has it if you can't buy it outright.)

    Your body metabolizes food in its own unique way, and part of that uniqueness is probably a lack of tolerance for carbohydrates. The book explains why (at least in general) you have this problem.

    Don't waste another minute feeling bad about your size. You wouldn't feel bad about having an allergy to certain foods, you'd just adjust your lifestyle and deal with it, right? Same thing here. You will feel so much better once you stop eating the addictive foods that make you feel terrible and make you gain weight. (By the way, have you read Wheat Belly yet? The modern wheat that's in our food supply is probably driving the majority of your health and wellness problems. If you don't have time to read it right now you can even check out the interview with Dr. Davis on the Dr. Oz show a few weeks back.)

    You can do this! We'll be here to cheer you on!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1992 days ago
  • GAYLE-G-63
    Oh sweetie, I know exactly how you feel! Before I lost so much weight I had the same types of thoughts and feelings, and still do in some cases. You are not alone!!! I've been trying for a long time to understand why I eat, and although I've gained some insight, I still don't know for sure.

    Remember, one day at a time. (Yes, I know it's a cliche!) And be proud of the positive changes you're making.

    1992 days ago
    Oh sweet pea, I've been where you are. Let me tell you that as long as you stick to your course and put your health first you will be walking those halls, sitting in any chair you want and those tears will be a memory. A new study says for every pound lost that's 4 lbs of pressure off of your joints. That means I've got 856 lbs of pressure off my knees. Even 20-50 lbs can make a HUGE difference in mobility.

    1993 days ago
    Thank you for sharing Georgia. When I first started this journey I was very close to being Super Morbidly Obese (my BMI was 49.1. The cutoff is 50) Now I am getting closer and closer to being "only" overweight. You can do it. One meal at a time. One choice at a time. Every time you decide to stand up and march in place during a TV commercial. Every time you say no to seconds. Every time you eat one piece of cake instead of the whole thing. These choices will get you where you need to go! emoticon
    1993 days ago
  • _KATHY
    I'm so sorry you have had to endure so much and I do understand. I have been there and still am to a large degree. I do understand the reasons I got fat. But like you, that no longer matters, What matters is what we do on a meal to meal basis. Recovery from Super Morbid simple logic, as your blog title suggests. Eat less, move more. One day at a time. For me, there is another factor in that I had to find what drives me to overeat in the first place. I have to feel "calm" emotionally and mentally in order to make healthy decisions. If I'm not.. eating less/moving more.. becomes a task that my needy self finds too difficult. It becomes will power and I don't have any of that :) We can do this Georgia..
    1993 days ago
    Good idea to start one meal at a time. Setting small goals for yourself will help, just don't forget to pat yourself on the back after each meal! emoticon
    1993 days ago
    That is great. Keep up the good work. Have a great holiday and a safe new year.
    1993 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by GEORGIA_KAY