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Looking for Advice About My Teenage Daughter

Thursday, December 06, 2012

I have a 17 y-o daughter who is a senior in high school. She is a straight-A student who has aspirations of becoming a pastry chef by way of attending Le Cordon Bleu Culinary Institute after she graduates from high school. She's a good kid who never gives us any problems.

She's been dating this guy for about five months who is really kind of a loser, for lack of a better way to put it. He dropped out of school during his junior year and decided to get his GED. He currently lives at home with his Mom and has no job and does nothing but sleep til 2:00 in the afternoon and play X-Box with his friends. He never takes my daughter anywhere nice on a date, they always just hang out at his house.

My husband has kept quiet about it as long as he can and decided today was the day he wants to talk with our daughter about him. He brought it up with me at lunch and said he wanted to talk to her. I told him he should tread very lightly because she might get her feelings hurt if she thinks we don't like her boyfriend. My husband is ready to tell her that she can't hang out with him unless they are at our house until he gets a job. That will not go over well.

We plan on talking to her tonight. I am looking for advice on what to say to her or how to put it so she doesn't get upset. I don't want her to rebel on us and decide we are against her (we're not!!). I am ready for feedback...
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  • CAROL-
    I will be praying for you. Kinda in the same boat here. We take every opportunity to help our daughter see without becoming the bad guy.
    1960 days ago
  • BRENDA_G50
    I agree with MYBULLDOGS suggestion. I know from experience that if you try to come between them, your daughter will turn on you and cling to their boyfriend. Her father wasn't very nice to him and ended up pushing my daughter closer to her boyfriend. She married the guy and isn't really happy about her decision. All of her dreams about her future are gone.
    1960 days ago
    I like mybulldog's suggestion.
    1960 days ago
    Having watched friends handle this situation wrongly, I would encourage you to follow MYBULLDOGS advice. It places the ball in her court. Ask her what are her goals and how is he helping her pursue them both immediate and long-term. Share your concerns, but listen with an open heart. I can't imagine this is easy, but if you can create a line of communication it can only help.
    Blessings to you in this challenging time.
    1960 days ago
    The only addition I would make to MyBullDog's suggestion is to address the issue that we can't expect that people will change in the ways we might want them too.
    1960 days ago
  • MARTY728
    I like what MYBULLDOGS suggested. You are in a tough situation and my heart goes out to you and your husband. emoticon emoticon
    1960 days ago
    I think you should ask her how the young man is going to help her reach her goals. Ask questions about why the always hang out at his house, what they do when they hang out, does she feel like she is missing out because she is not with other students her age...
    You have to help her see what you see and you need for her to help you see what she sees in him as well.
    1960 days ago
    have her write a list of what she loves about this guy.. then have her write a list of what she would change . sometime this list wakes them up. it did my son on the girl he was dating.
    1960 days ago
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