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Day 52 - Realizations

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Today was WOMBLE Wednesday!! My definition of WOMBLE
Some days are easier said then done, I know. But thinking about this all day, brought me to some interesting realizations.

W.O.M.- Work Out More. When you have been sedentary for more than half of your life, Working out is the furthest thing from your mind much less working out more. There are so many reason why a person could lead a sedentary lifestyle. Working at a desk job, depression, Illness and sometimes even plain out laziness. What I realized today is that at some points in my life, I fit one of these categories. At another point, I fit all 4 at once. Which finally gave way to major illness and depression, and even suicidal tendencies. After working in food service management for many years, I got hurt on the job. I was retrained to be an accountant and an office manager. Don't get me wrong, when I graduated high school, I weighed 450-475 pounds and that stuck with me for most of the rest of my life. Anyways, I then started working at a desk 10-12 hours a day sometimes more. Hence the desk job which gave way to laziness. I did desk work for many years, including 10 with the phone company. While there, Illness entered the picture, including one heart attack and one heart incident. Then when I got hurt on that job, all those years of the 3 did permanent major damage to my body, to the point that I am now completely disabled. No income, home 24/7 gave way to depression. Depression brought other things from my past back to the fore, resulting in major depression, PTSD and suicidal tendencies. Then my health took a HUGE nosedive, almost to the point of an early death on a few occasions. Not to mention the degenerative disc disease that is dissolving my spine and was causing absolute HORRENDOUS pain 24/7 for a little over 3 years.

That realization brought up another one. I have been obese for 41 of the 45 years of my life! My parents had let me eat pretty much anything and everything i wanted since the age of 4. What none of us knew until 6 six years ago is that was triggered by a traumatic experience in my young childhood, molestation by a family member. Eating was not only something I couldn't get enough of, but it was my security blanket. A few years later I was molested again by a different family member, so I continued to eat whatever, whenever I felt like it. I closed that door also until 6 years ago as well. I tried many MANY diets over the years, but none of them stuck. I enjoyed food too much.

Here came the next realization. It has taken me 45 years to get to the point my body is at now. All the food, all the demons took their tolls on my life a little at a time. Those things led to more issues, which led to more issues, etc. In life, it is my belief that no matter what the situation is you are dealing with, it is always easier to ADD then it is to SUBTRACT!

Realization #4.... I used food, health issues, depression, laziness and whatever else as a crutch and an excuse for all those years. It takes a special event, or a sudden light bulb moment, to bring you full circle to where you are and how you got there. I watched my dad in declines health for almost 25 years! I woke up one day and said to myself "I do not want to live the rest of my life in that way!"

Realization #5.... The hardest things in our life's journey are the ones that are the hardest to work for and the hardest to achieve. However, THEY CAN BE ACHIEVED!! I spent 45 years getting where I'm at today. Breaking those habits, crutches, etc. is hard work!! Only I can make those changes AND I AM NOW and I WILL continue to work hard for them for the rest of my life! It is not going to happen overnight, in a week, in a month and maybe not even a year, but IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN!! I AM WORTH IT! MY WIFE IS WORTH IT! MY CHILDREN AND MY GRANDCHILDREN ARE WORTH IT!!

Realization #6... This is only day 52 and I am doing things that not only did I never imagine myself doing, but things I have been telling myself for years that I COULDN'T do. YES I CAN!! I am healthier now after 52 days then I have been for 41 years! Yes I have a long way to go, and I will get there, it is going to take some time and hard work to get there. I have eaten healthy food for 52 days straight. I have cut most bad things from my intake for 52 days straight. I am exercising more now than I have since I don't know when for 52 days straight. I am changing my life, one step at a time and one day at a time. These changes will be permanent!

So how did I do today? I ate within all my nutrition categories today. I took back another piece of my life today. It was also gym day. I did 2.15 miles on the elliptical, 5.86 miles on the recumbent bike, a whole lot of strength training. Plus, I did my extra challenges today including 40 squats and 50 wall pushups. I have added 3 new things to my exercise regimen and my goal for the month was to add 2 emoticon What is in store for tomorrow? Healthy eating, my ministry and my family! Have a Sparkerific night!!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Very true. I am cheering for you! I have been sick a lot too. I had difficult pregnancies and I also have fibromyalgia. So working out sometimes is tough. But I still go every single day! EVERY SINGLE DAY! Thank you for being you and keep up the good work!
    1965 days ago
    you're working harder and getting stronger every day.
    1965 days ago
    It's great that you are coming so far! Keep up the good work.
    1965 days ago
    Your journey has been an amazing one, Paul. It may have taken you 41 years to get here but I am so you have. You, your story, your life is inspirational; so many people can and will see themselves in you and maybe they will doubt that they can make the big change, that it's too late or too hard or that they aren't worth it, by your example and your sharing your story you will help them realize that it's not too late and that they are worth it.

    Thank you for all you do.
    1966 days ago
    You are making it happen now! Way to go!
    1966 days ago
    Okay, so this is actually strange. I'm the one reading Jillian's Unlimited and yet everything you just said is exactly what I listened to from her today. emoticon

    It's all so true. We didn't get to this point of obesity overnight and we wont leave obesity overnight. But we WILL leave obesity and be healthy for the first time in our lives. I love watching where we are headed and it's sinking in so much better then it has in the past. Maybe because for the first time we are in the same mind set and we truly can do it together! We cook together, shop together (more often now then before), and we workout together. WE push each other to do what needs to be done. That is why this time it will stick!

    OLIVE JUICE! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1966 days ago
    Wow! I am so happy for you. Keep up the good work.


    1966 days ago
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