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I'm back home (?)

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Well, I finally made it back to my house, though with most of my things donated, in boxes or even scattered on the floor from last September when I left thinking I was moving in a week, it's not much like coming home.

Driving back into town, it felt like a place I'd not been back to in years. I guess when a close loved one passes away, it changes everything. It seems like so much has happened since Dad died, at the same time, it seems like yesterday when we were together.

As executor of his estate, there is still paperwork, phone calls and appointments. His house is finally on the market, though the sales market is slow, so that may take some time. His house looks great now though. I think he would have been proud.

In addition to that, I am trying to manage my own cross country move. Pack more things, but at the same time, I want to review all that I'm taking. My Dad's house had so much "stuff" in it, and seeing the relatives go through it all, almost like looters taking everything of value, has made me adverse to holding on to "stuff". I am also not sure if I will stay in Seattle long-term, move again or go back to school for my PhD eventually, so I would like to not have "stuff" holding me back from doing those things.

It's hard balance though, since I'm not sure of my exact plans, and frankly right now don't have time to think about it. I don't want to be financially foolish giving everything away and having to re-buy everything in six months, either.

In addition to that, I am preparing to rent out my house - meeting with property managers, comparing fees and services, figuring out the tax ramifications of my move as far as owning rentals in two separate states that used to have reciprocity with each other, and considering starting an LLC for them. Also, some of the implications of what I've inherited and the right way to handle that. So, I'm meeting with a financial adviser for all that this week as well.

It's a lot. And I've pretty much been going non-stop since my Dad passed away. So this afternoon, I came back from running errands, and then laid in bed and took a nap for the first time in a while. When I awoke, I didn't want to get out of bed. But I did, and...

I went running with my running club! I wasn't sure I was going to go, but this week I had spoken to a few friends lately about how odd it was that I wasn't running. Finally, in tears, I admitted to them and to myself that I wasn't running because subconsciously, it represented me going back to normal in my life - moving on without my Dad. And I just wasn't ready to do that yet. But after admitting that, and thinking about it, I finally just went.

It felt great! But, I could feel after a few miles the consequences of my lack of eating. Sure, being lighter for running is a plus now. However I could feel my muscle lacking energy and carbohydrates. Fortunately, after my run, I was able to eat. I also felt... happy. Even if it doesn't last long, I hadn't felt that way in a long time. I also didn't feel just "tired" as I has become my norm as of late.

Ok. Going to bed to get an early start on it tomorrow! I have no appointments tomorrow so hope I can kick some butt on packing and cleaning. I didn't get much done this afternoon, but I think I needed that. After my run, I feel more motivated.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    So sorry for your loss. It seems you are getting back on track but be sure to allow yourself time to deal with your loss. emoticon emoticon
    1963 days ago
  • PAG2809
    I remember looking in the mirror the day after my dad died and thinking that I should look different. You're taking all the steps you need to take, including taking care of yourself - physically and financially.
    1964 days ago
    Getting that nap and run in has to have done you a world of good. It feels strange to "go back to normal" after you lose a loved one, but you have to begin making a new normal; you know that's what your dad would want for you. Take good care of yourself; you deserve that, and you honor your dad when you do.

    1965 days ago
    I'm glad you went running! Good luck, looks like you've got a lot on your plate!
    1965 days ago
  • JLITT62
    It IS a lot; it would be a lot if you weren't grieving, too. But I'm glad to hear you're finally getting some rest & exercise. I'll bet you needed that.
    1965 days ago
    glad that you went running again---that is a big part of who you are so it was important for you to do that. Hard decisions make one tired. Glad you could eat after the run---keep that up, gf!
    1965 days ago
    all of those emotions take time.... give yourself permission to feel them... it REALLY will help in the long run... don't be afraid of them... they are not right or wrong , just feelings and it is ok to feel them. Hang in there.... emoticon
    1965 days ago
    One day at a time.... emoticon
    1965 days ago
    My, you've had a hard way to go. Bu you are persevering...I give you so much credit for this. Good luck and best wishes.
    1965 days ago
    HUGS and good for you! It's not easy. But you're working your way through things.

    1965 days ago
  • SHEILA1505
    Big hugs
    and love
    1965 days ago
    emoticon sounds like you are working through everything that needs to be done. i'm glad you went for a run and were able to eat - it means you're taking care of yourself! i hope that you continue to figure out all the different aspects you need to resolve and are able to make a clean start in a new place
    1965 days ago
    Hop eyou have another great run and slowly clear things off your to do list.
    1965 days ago
  • HEIDI-25
    You can still grieve, holding your dad close in your heart and thoughts while still moving forward in your life. He will always be with you so long as you remember him.
    I am glad that you had a chance to go running. Glad too that you are starting to want to eat something. You are doing a great job of figuring things out for the future. Take care of yourself ~ mentally and physically. Hugs!
    1965 days ago
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