Monday, December 03, 2012

Okay lost my mother this past July and it will be first Christmas without her, I took pictures last year of all the grand parents and have a beautiful one of my mom and son... She's looking right into the camera and I'm wondering if I should have it blown up for my dad as one of his presents all framed...
I don't want him to breakdown and I'm hoping he see's it as it is just a sweet gesture and not feel bad. It's the last photo ever taken of her alive....
What do you think , should I? or shouldn't I? give this to him ......
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    This is from someone that has been through it. First do not be afraid to do something because it might make someone sad. I suffered a great loss 11 years ago, my granddaughter, it was horrible and I didn't have anyone to talk to. I felt awful walking into a room because everyone would get quiet, I knew that I reminded them of how horrible life can be. I found out later when someone was finally brave enough to tell me that they were afraid to bring anything up because they didn't want to make me sad. Well guess what? I was already sad, they weren't going to remind me of anything that I wasn't already living with 24/7. What I needed was someone to cry with and to be able to talk to and just have someone listen. People need to talk and cry, it is part of grieving and part of coming to terms with the loss.

    I also lost my mother 10 years ago. That first Christmas was hard without her, but we as a family pulled together and had pictures printed off and framed. We went through some of her things and made sure that everyone got something of hers. In my mom's jewelry boxes, there was the original wedding rings, they were wore down and both mom and dad had purchased new ones later on. We chipped in together to have Dad's old band redone and gave him that on Christmas. We also had mom's redone and gave that to the oldest granddaughter. That Christmas, although sad, holds a lot of special and meaningful memories. I'm really glad that we weren't afraid to do these things.

    I wish for you to make this Christmas special in as many ways as possible. You'll never regret it.
    2000 days ago
    Definitely give the photo as a gift. It's a nice gesture and a simple way to remember his wife during a happier time. I would go with a 5x7 size. That's not too big and not too small either. It's just the right size to put on a table near his bed. I find that 8x10s can be overwhelming.

    The Christmas Tree Shop has wonderful frames for around $5 or less. What you could also do is get one of those frames that has a 5x7 center piece surrounded by sections for smaller photos. kinda like a collage. The Christmas Tree Shop has those too. Use the picture of your mother and your son in the center, then have smaller photos of the entire family surrounding that one.

    2000 days ago
    He might cry but that is okay---it will be a sweet reminder of her for him.
    2000 days ago
  • MARYBETH4884
    He might cry, but it may be out of joy for happy memories. if you are touched by the picture he probably will be too. Good luck!
    2000 days ago
  • ADELE66
    I don't think that it would make him feel bad - it might make him sad though - and that's perfectly normal. I think he would really appreciate the picture, but I would recommend that you give it to him quietly, away from anyone else.

    So sorry for your loss.

    2000 days ago
    Definitely give it to him, wrapped. Let him know what it is and then he can open it when he's ready.
    2000 days ago
    First talk to him about your mother and see how he feels. If he is still hurting then ask him if he would like the picture of her and then take it from there. Do it with just the two of you. That way he will not be caught off guard and the emotions that he may express because of the loss of his wife.
    2000 days ago
    That is so hard to say. I look at my last pictures of my mother and sometimes it makes me think about the good times and sometimes it just makes me cry. But her last good photos I keep on my night stand and it is one of the last things I see at night. Funny, 1 of the 3 pictures she is smiling and waving goodbye. So I have comfort knowing that she is safe. People are hard to read, the gift might cause pain and tears at first, but later it will be comforting. Personally, I wish I had/have the chase to give the same pictures to my father, so he can remember the good days, bud doing her death he was legally blind and his eye sight has gotten worst. But I have left the "old pictures" in his room, because in his mind he can still see them clearly. That is all he has after 48 years of marriage. Maybe, you just might want to give it to him before Christmas and not his present, just a reminder that might help him get through the holidays.
    2000 days ago
  • JO88BAKO
    Boy, I'm not sure. I lost my dad in May. It may be a bit soon. Maybe you could kind of feel him out on the subject without coming right out and asking. Good luck.
    2000 days ago
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