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EuroEnglish

Saturday, December 01, 2012

Finally, the European Union has decided on a change that makes sense!

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications (French had been suggested by a few of the Commissioners because of its former status as the language of diplomacy, but when not even the French could agree, the motion was tabled), rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short and will be changed at the appropriate time to Uro). In the first year, “s” will be used instead of the soft “c”. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard “c” will be replaced with “k.” Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. Plus, European Mathematisians, Ssientists and Logik professors agree that the square of a prime number makes more sense than the mere doubling of a prime number.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced by “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent “e”s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” by “z” and “W” by “V”. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou”, and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem ov a komn Uropen langwuj vil finali kum tru.

This will be a real advantage for Americans, because we will then be fluent in every European language and even be able to read newspapers, magazines and boks vit ez.
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