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If not now,then when?

Thursday, November 29, 2012

I just got back from my morning walk. It was a slow 4 miles since my ankle is bothering me. It was the slowest mile per minute I have ever walked,but I still walked. I was not in pain so painful that I could not walk. I was thinking about a recent situation and it really got me thinking.( Thinking and walking is a strong suit of mind. I surprise myself that I can actually do both)
A sparkmember recently passed away earlier this week.Her actual name was Aithley,but she went by WINNINGBATTLE on this site. She was twenty-five years old. I remember commenting on several of her blogs seeking advice and her commenting on my page. She was trying to find the courage to post pictures of herself on her blog. She always posted a plan of attack on her weight loss. She had "UP" days and days where she did not want to workout,but she always did the things she needed to do to help herself later.
I do not want to exploit the truly tragic circumstances of her death to prove a point. I thought about her today as I walked. I thought about others on this site who are lacking the motivation or inner drive to work on themselves. One key thing stuck in my not-so-fat- anymore-head .
"If not now then when?" Life is a fleeting thing. What are you waiting on? Tomorrow is not guaranteed to you. You have to fight harder to accomplish your goal. Life is more than weight loss and eating right. It is about enjoying moments. It is about passion for living . It is about triumph and failure.It is about happiness. If you believe the goals you have set for yourself will make you happy and fulfilled ,then the time is now. If this is not the time to do this,then when will it be?
I am not super human or have unshakeable willpower. I am a human being who just so happens to be born a man. I fail and triumph just like any person can and will.
Two years ago I decided I wanted to fix myself. I lost 25 pounds and was on my way,until I was hospitalized at a hospital I was fired from for something I was not a party to.But I lost a 21 year job anyway. I hated being there and my blood pressure would not go down,because of the stress of being there. I got released a week later and I really sank into a depressed state. I gained 25 pounds and a few more ballooning to 321 pounds.
I ate poorly,drank too much alcohol and my only exercise was going to the downstairs fridge to get another beer.Most of you know this already,with the exception of losing my job.
I just decided the beginning of this year to fix myself. I used to say,"I'll walk tomorrow or what's one more day? Which turned to three or more days of inactivity.If not now,then when? Where is my motivation ? Where is my drive? Who says I can't do this? Oh, Yeah! I told myself that I could not do it.
I want everyone who reads this to ask themselves this question. If not now,then when would be a good time for you to take control of your life? Life is shorter than you think,if it would make you happy about one little thing in your life,then the time is right now. Life has a deadline,but you don't know when it is.So quit putting the things that will make you happy on the backburner.Tomorrow could be one day too late.
So in closing I wish Aithley's family the best . She was someone's daughter ,granddaughter,niece,sister and friend. She will be missed.

Now I just finished my healthy lunch. I am going to ride my spin bike for a few miles. I will do my crunches . I am going to shoot baskets with my son when he gets home from school. Because the time is now for me. How about you?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1954 days ago
    im so very sorry about the loss of your friend.
    i agree. if not now...when? most times, that doesnt get answered.

    i know its so cliche, but i believe everything does happen for a reason.
    i dont know if you know but i was on disability for a few years [lost my voice and coughed constantly--like, 24/7--and no one could figure out what was wrong with me for YEARS] it killed me financially--im in a pit and the only saving grace is the fiance..
    but, at the same time, if i hadnt had all that time to focus on me, i would have been easily over 300lbs. i was almost there when i decided...now.
    1996 days ago
    I know a couple years ago, after my best friend in the world committed suicide, after I slid into a depression so deep I though of joining her daily, I seemed wake up and come to. I knew that I needed to get up and fix my life now, or I might as well join her and make it quick for everyone. And I did....for awhile. Then I let my life get in the way, a job I hated, a town I hated....blah, blah, blah.

    I'm back at it now, as you know, but it's not quite the same. I seem to be lacking the enthusiasm, or maybe I just hadn't hit rock bottom again. But you are right...the time is now.....I don't want to end up like my mother, too sick to actually do anything about my health. There is so much I want, and times running out. So yes, the time is now!

    Great Blog as always. My thoughts have often been with Aithley's family as well. I hope they can find peace.
    2017 days ago
    Sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.

    You are so right, I need to take your words to heart because I'm doing that "tomorrow that turns into 3 days" thing to myself. It stops now.

    Your history about going to the fridge, not exercising, etc sounds just like my BF and I'm realizing that he needs to find his motivation and I need to find mine, but it's his reality to change, I cannot fix him, as my reality is mine to change. It would be awesome if we supported each other, but at the same time, I cannot let myself be lulled into not doing what is best for me, whether he does or not.

    Hope your ankles are better. I went walking during lunch last week when my knee was swollen and it actually helped get the swelling down. Today I'm hoping the drizzle rain is gone so I can do a few laps.
    2024 days ago
    Another inspiring, and thought provoking blog! Thank You. I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend, it's so sad. Also, thank you for sharing so much about yourself. It does help to be reminded that everyone has obstacles, and stress, we can't use thoses excuses to put off what needs to be done today.

    I will be thinking of this blog and your sparkfriend.,and the phrase "Seize the day" will be added to my vision board tonight.


    2024 days ago
    I'm sorry that such young people die, it is tragic, and I too am faced with it. You may remember I blogged about my mother's cancer and the profound affect it's worked within me. She's still with us, but it's in the months she has left now, time is short. I'm spending as much quality time with her as I can before her time is up. The thing is I know that she, even though she's younger than lots of other people to die, she has lived a full and meaningful life (for her) despite her self treatment and narcissism. She has children, grand children and great grand children, nearly 50 of them! The loss of your friend does touch me, she has lost that chance. Its even sadder to me the loss of children...
    I am siezing the day too, though I couldn't for about a month, sadly, the dental surgery was terrible and could not believe how it knocked me about (on comparison to a cesearean it was about 10x harder, really!) I have lots to live for, lots of people depend on me so that's my motivation lies...

    Well I congratulate you for getting it together and not sinking into despair too far after you lost your job, here I have a disabled husband and several children so I don't have the chance to work yet (seriously f*ed up here in the land of Oz).

    (On another tangent (and yes I have conversations like this lol, drives people crazy) emoticon : I know you like Horror, just wondering if you are enjoying American Horror Story?
    2028 days ago
    I understand what you are feeling about Aithley's death. It's hitting me hard too. I wish I would have had more time to get to know her better. I don't think you are exploiting her death at all. I think you are just trying to point out to people to not procrastinate getting healthy. You never know what the next minute will bring. Like Kitty said, Carpe Diem!

    Sorry to hear that your ankle is bothering you. I hope it feels better soon!

    emoticon emoticon
    2029 days ago
    Once again you brought tears to my eyes. Wednesday was a very hard day for me already. I lost one of my ladies at work and the n you gave me the news of your spark friend. It just really put me in a sad state of mind. I just wanted to curl up in bed and stay there. As much as I wanted to do that, even though I didn't realize it at that moment. I chose now! I chose to get up and go to work as much as I wanted to call off. I chose to put one foot in front of the other and get it done!

    I also agree with everyone else, losing your job brought out the fighter in you! Where do you think you would be if you hadn't lost your job? Would you have still started your road to getting healthy? Would you still weigh 321 pounds or more? Just something to think about. Yes it has been a strain financially, but your health and other things are more important than money! emoticon
    2030 days ago
  • JUSTME29
    AIthley's death his me hard as well. I had been reading her blogs, but hadn't yet commented one any. Now I wish that I had so she would have know she had one more supporter out there. I don't think it's exploiting a tragedy to use her senseless death as a reminder to get out there and do "stuff" today. I think it's called finding the silver lining. Actually I think that if anything it's a testament to her because based on her blogs she was one to get out there and do things, not one to wait around and wait for life to happen.
    2031 days ago
    I read the blog post about Aithley's death the other day, and it made me cry, even though I never knew her, had never even been to her profile page before. To have a life cut so short is truly a tragedy.

    I don't think I'm scared of dying, or at least what comes after death. What I actually think I am scared of more is the method of my dying. And it is true that you never know when your time will be up. I already feel like I have wasted so much time in my life, made so many mistakes, have so many regrets. There is no time like the present to truly start living. The older I get, the more I realize that is some aspects I'm way too hard on myself, and in others, way too easy. Every moment brings me a little bit more experience, which I am finally beginning to actually learn from.

    I am sorry to hear the story of how you lost your job after so much dedication to one company. Stories like that make me so angry! But at least it seems like this job loss triggered you into changing your life for the better (after you overcame the depression), and look at you now. You really have come a long way baby! ;) You are one of the most inspiring people I have ever encountered! Your willpower and dedication are truly commendable. It has gotten to the point that lately, when I feel like slacking when it comes to excercise, I think about what you might say, so thank you!

    I am going to think about this blog a lot. I am going to let it be a reminder of how precious life is, and how little time we might have here on this earth. It will be a tool to help keep me strong.

    Hope your ankle feels better soon, and that you have a happy, healthy and invigoration weekend LaVell!
    2031 days ago
    Carpe Diam!
    2031 days ago
    Very inspiring and thought provoking. Everyone should read this. I'm sorry about the loss of your friend. Sounds like your life could be changed forever!
    2031 days ago
    Absolutely !! LaVell - Live Your Dash - remember two days are guaranteed - Birth and Death anything in between is the dash - Its now or never !! Get going ! I am sorry for the loss of your dear friend my Deepest Sympathy to her family and to you and Judi. I am also sorry that you lost a position after so many years - Hmmm -corporate America - do not get me started but , a job does not define who you are - as far as I am concerned they did you a favor? Yes , look how much better off you are - Your real talent is staring you in the face - You writer - no time like the present to start that - Hmmm ! :)
    Anyway , I know what you mean -today I took my bike out for a short 10 miles - getting ready for the Reindeer Run on Sat. Tomorrow I will stretch and rest and mentally prepare also I will eat fresh veggies and soak in Dr. Teal epsom salt- But tonight I will head out to the pool and hang out with my pool buddies for a short swim. Life is to short to be stationary - ask Rory ..

    Hugs LIL Racer emoticon

    Hey check out the Screaming Pumpkin Run in Peoria - In Oct. next year - at night through a cemetery ! Six miles - sounds like fun are you in ? I am ! PS I am visiting you - LOL
    2031 days ago
    LaVell, if you'd asked me six months ago, I would have said "someday" or "when I am ready..." But like yourslef, and so many of those who have met us, and our SparkFriends, it became obvious that NOW must alwaye be the answer to that question. Had I still put things off I might not eve be here to write this blog. My crosscroads became my launching point, and for that reason - I have the chance to live for today in the here and now, because that's really all I have.

    Tomorrow's no guarantee, but we can stack the deck of life in our favor by doing what we know is right, for our bodies, mind, and for those friends and family we share our lives with. I am grateful for so much at this milestone in my journey. My life will never be the same, it will always be better because of the wisdom and experiences that you and I have shared with each other.

    God blesses us with each gift of today, we have to use each today to our best, so that we can be our best - living life at the Speed of Spark - growing with each moment we share. I am blessed to have you in my life, as is anyone lucky enough to have had their life-path cross yours. Hope you had a great night with your family and that the ankle resolves quickly. Your friend, "Sprink"
    2031 days ago
  • LINDAK25
    I think I'll take now, too. Aithley's death was tragic. It really does make you examine your perspective when someone dies.

    I agree with you. Some people seem to think motivation and control have a mystery about them. There is no mystery. Make a choice and do it. I haven't been feeling really well, but I've still been working at it, just a little more slowly. I'll be feeling better soon, though! Hope your ankle gets better soonest!

    2032 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/29/2012 4:00:12 PM
    You do never know when it's your time. I'm aware of that every day and it's precisely what keeps me going and prevents the "I'll do it tomorrow" attitude.

    It reminds me of this story I loved as a kid called "Tomorrow" in the "Days with Frog and Toad" book. In the story, Toad has many things to do at home. Frog comes over to his house and Toad pulls the covers over his head declaring "I will do it tomorrow. Today I will take life easy." After feeling depressed and some contemplation, Toad realizes that if he does the dishes, dusting, plant watering and other household chores today, he won't have to do any of it tomorrow.

    I swear I think of this story every time I feel like procrastinating and Every. Single. Time. I think about putting off eating right or going to the gym until "tomorrow." Cheesy but true.

    Great blog. emoticon
    2032 days ago
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