Today's Offering...

Thursday, November 29, 2012

I am working hard to find inspiration these begin again. This journey has taken me to so many places. And, yet I find a sense of hopelessness creeping in at times. My own struggles with weight and feeling fit and healthy seem pale in comparison to the people I have known and loved who have survived great loss, Cancer, or other tragedies.

And yet, I am working too hard, forgetting to be grateful some days, wishing I could be more, loving my life, but not living it as joyfully as I could, feeling as if I am not giving back in meaningful ways to those in need...yet, ironically also feeling unappreciated at times.

Some days I feel like a whiner for even talking about my own challenges. But then, that is what I tell everyone else to do. I have been so blessed with riches -- love, meaningful work, family, friends, a warm, safe home, healthy food and clean water in abundance. So, what is there to complain about...cause unhappiness?

I feel "heavy." Not just in body weight, but mentally, sometimes spiritually. And then, a bit of magic happens and the Universe gives me a gift. As usual, in the form of verse:

This is what the things can teach us:
to fall,
patiently to trust our heaviness.
Even a bird has to do that
before he can fly.

~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~
/Book_of_Hours_II_16.html for the full piece.)

I am learning to trust the Universe...but, I have a long way to go.

Blessings and joy to all!

GinaBug emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you, Gina, for leading us on a tour of the deep interior of that center of being which is YOU. It is an intimate journey, and we are all the more blessed for having been invited therein. I am thankful for your your gift of exquisite self-expression and your willingness to share it with us. I wish all the best for you and yours in the new year and always.

    1940 days ago
    Heavy... that is a good description for it.
    I feel I carry a heavy soul lately despite all that I have been blessed with.

    Remember, just breath.
    1970 days ago
    Ah Gina, first and foremost, be kind to yourself. The power of presence is in the end the greatest gift we can give of ourselves. You have been present through the trials of the recent past ... that is enough. That said, i can relate to what you are saying. So often we are not satisfied with enough ... we want (and expect) more of ourselves than we have to give. When we don't live up to our own expectations, we are disappointed and start to feel hopeless of ever doing enough. I know it in my head but my heart forgets.

    You are ever lively in my heart and mind. I am so glad you are back among our Thanksgiving Community.

    1970 days ago
    Yes, Rilke is fantastic.

    Sounds like it's time for some rest. Sometimes that's the best spiritual practice there is. Unsolicited advice from the meditation teacher.

    1971 days ago
    What a lovely way to take care of your feelings, to share them here and to find a bird, a Buddha and a verse at the end! As someone who has a history of eating through this kind of struggle..really not allowing myself to acknowledge what onekidsmom describes so well...walking through the shadow. I hope this lightened your mind, it did mine. Thanks for that.
    1972 days ago
    I hear your words, and you've put something out there that I've avoided (run away from) and that is the heaviness of loss... when loved ones suffer and we don't understand. Allow the heaviness. Acknowledge its presence. It's OK to have times when we're walking through a shadow... the sunlight will appear on the other side if we just keep walking. Never think it's not OK to "whine"... your voice is as important as any other!

    You are of value, you are not alone. Even when grateful, we can feel sorrow for losses. It makes us human. emoticon
    1972 days ago
  • SAVOY1
    Hi - I've been enjoying your gratitude posts!

    Although I have no magic answer to this...except small step and deep breaths, I certainly can empathize with what you're saying, and have had similar internal conflicts. As my grandma, and my mom, (and now me!) have been know to say: "and this too shall pass".

    And what a lovely little verse!
    1972 days ago
    All I can say in an attempt to comfort and support you is that you are not alone. I think that what you are going through is actually quite common. You have been through a HUGE ordeal, so now is the time to treat yourself gently as you ease back into things. And trust me, with what you have gone through over the past few years, you HAVE given back in MEANINGFUL ways!!

    Big hugs to you, my friend!!!

    With love,
    1972 days ago
    I like that and the Buddha is beautiful
    1972 days ago
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