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Day 89: Loving Myself Healthy...even on a really hard day

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Day 28 of 30day Thanksgiving challenge: I'm grateful for willingness. Willingness to admit my shortcomings, willingness to ask for help, willingness to admit when I am wrong, willingness to try harder.

I posted my 28th gratitude this morning before my day had really gotten started. I posted it after learning that there was a further problem with my van & before I knew what the problem was/is. It's really part of the 12-step program that I have learned... learning to ACT AS IF and trusting that God will be there to take care of things. I am willing to embrace that and do my best to live it. THEN I got the call. My mechanic let me know that while 1 of the cylinder heads was fine after being "polished out" whatever that is.... however, the 2nd cylinder head was/is cracked all the way down the side. This is NOT a happy thing. It means that he now has to find a cylinder head for my van, a 1995 model so not such an easy task. He is contacting salvage yards and other places but all I can see in my mind is $$$$$$$$$. I am keeping my head up. I am trying my best not to break down and cry. I am going to have faith that he'll find one and that it will not be too much more. I am grateful that he is willing to search for the cheapest parts. I am grateful that he is willing to put in so much work on my van. I am grateful that I KNOW someone who has the time and talent to fix it. I am grateful that I have friends that are helping me to get the rest of the family where they need to be and keeping the girls babysat and getting everything done that needs to be done.

My life is always about robbing peter to pay paul. It's about counting every penny and living pay check to pay check. I don't go out buying all sorts of new clothes. As a matter of fact, everything that I have has come to me through other people. I put out a plea once upon a time for "hand-me-downs" from my Spark friends and that is what I have been wearing. Even my bathing suits are hand-me-downs. That isn't a complaint. That's a blessing...a joy...another gratitude. I am so grateful for my friends here. I am always so sad when one of the dresses that have been passed on to me finally wear out and I have to let them go. I promise you, I have worn them well and with pride. Anyway, I digress.....

We don't go on expensive trips... or even inexpensive trips. We are a family of 6 living in a tiny little run-down house. Crowded but happy most of the time. We don't have expensive furnature. Like my clothes, all of our furnature is a hand-me-down, given to us by friends... or bought at thrift stores or yard sales...or even found on the side of the road. We have 1 van for all of us to get around in. My husband works 2 jobs, 1 full-time at Sears, which unfortunately ends on Dec 15th when the store closes and the other part-time at AutoZone. He's hard working and never complains. My DIL works at the YMCA where I work. I work as a water-aerobic instructor & swim lesson teach at the YMCA. We both love working there and are grateful beyond words for our jobs. The town that we live in has the highest unemployment rate of the entire state of VA. So we are totally blessed to have all these jobs. It stinks that Paul's job ends before Christmas... but he has been told that he'll get a small severance pay and be eligible for unemployment. Of course, he's such a determined work-horse that he won't sit still...he'll be out job hunting ASAP. My son is a stay-at-home dad who has been pitching in like crazy lately. He's a good dad and I am proud of him. We always pitch in and make sure that we take care of one another.

Why I am posting all this? It's really more for me than for any of you. Right now, I'm writing this instead of hitting my kitchen and EATING over the stress and emotions that I am feeling. I am an emotional eater. I eat when I am sad. I eat when I am lonely. I eat when I am angry. I eat when I am scared. I eat when I am stressed. Right now I am ALL OF THOSE THINGS. But today... tonight... right now... I am NOT going to give in to my compulsion to overeat. I am writing it out. I am praying about it. I am talking to my friends. I am working things out and I am relying on GOD to lead me through all of this.

So, has today been a horrible day? Actually NO. I had bad news today. But I have not eaten over it. I have excellent friends who have gotten everyone where they need to go. I have a good substitute who is teaching my classes this week because my IBS is keeping me in the bathroom during all this stress. I slept another 8 hours last night, thanks to the CPAP machine that I was finally given. I spoke to the doctor's office today and they want to see me next week and again told me how severe my apnea is. WOW... I have such hope now that my metabolism is going to get the jump start that I need and finally the scale will be my friend. I am GRATEFUL.... and most of all I am grateful to be able to come here and blog about my life and my fears and my success.

I'll shut up now. I just want to say thank you for being here for me. I really love Sparkpeople and all of my SparkFamily.

Bright blessings to you all. Love, Dawn
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Dawn, you are the quintessential warrior woman! Hang in there and keep your head up girl! much luv, Kim emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2028 days ago
    I'm having one of those times today but didn't have your willpower. Just ate half a sandwich I didn't want but ate anyway due to the stress. Now I feel bloated and disappointed I didn't hold out, like you did. -- Lou
    2028 days ago
    I hope you're rolling with the flow and things are as manageable as they can be right now. Good for you on not giving in to emotional eating; writing it all down was a very healthy choice to make and I'm proud of you!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    P.S. Thanks for the goodie!!
    2029 days ago
    Sorry to hear you had this challenging news, Dawn. Well done on blogging instead of eating as a way of dealing with it all, and for asking for help from Spark friends when needed for support and things like clothing. So glad you have been helped by those who can in all manner of different ways, and I hope and pray for all to be resolved with the van at a price you can manage.

    Sending big hugs, Nattacia

    2029 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    2030 days ago
    That's what sparkfriends are for Dawn! To be here during the ups and downs, etc... I am proud of you for blogging and getting things off your chest instead of eating!!! God will make a way when/where there seems to be no way...

    2030 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/28/2012 10:07:10 PM
  • QTEALADY20031
    Dawn, it is great that you are able to put your frustrations and stresses in a blog instead of sitting down and eating everything in site. I pray that your mechanic finds the part that he needs for your car. God is looking over you and this will be resolved in your favor Dawn. You are a wonderful and caring person and a good friend to so many of your friends on Spark. Please know that you will be in my prayers tonight. Take care, dear friend. emoticon June
    2030 days ago
    Really proud of you for blogging and sharing instead of reacting. We react well, but not appropriately. I am wishing and hoping with you that all will work out- that a part will be found quickly. I am grateful you have support- and such a determined husband! And I am thankful you are sleeping...really deep quality sleep. What a blessing.
    Love you lady, hang in there.
    2030 days ago
    Such a bummer . . . I was hoping that your van would just need a head gasket. . . if I win the Power Ball tonight I'll buy you a new van my friend. Wish me luck . . .I have a better chance of being struck by lightening. Wishing you positive thoughts.
    2030 days ago
    You are handling this well, Dawn! Blogging is so much better than eating.
    emoticon emoticon
    2030 days ago
  • BIBS4664
    Ah Dawn, how wonderful you followed through with another response rather than overeating to stress. I pray that all will be better for you.Hugs.
    2030 days ago
    Praying you are showered with many blessings during this time where so many hardships have come your way emoticon
    2030 days ago
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