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How Do I Cope?

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

How do I cope? Let me count the ways:

1- I don't

Last night and today have been extremely sad for me. I cried when my daughter talked about the foster son that she loves, then when she said that Christmas means nnothing to her now, and that she does not want to exchange gifts. she will get gifts for her niece and nephew and her foster son, depending on what happens with him. She down't even want to see her sister but knows she has to in order to see the children. She doesn't want Christmas dinner and has told her husband that his mother can do it since she has tried to take over every other year. She wants to go to a friend's house with me if I go. I haven't had an invitation yet but will recieve one.

How do I cope?
1- I don't!

Today I cried, I cried, and I cried. Tonight I screamed and cried! I screamed and cried about how I miss Edward and how I love him and how our family has fallen apart and I have no one to hold me and comfort me. Mostly I told him how much I love him and miss him and how without him I am empty.

How do I cope?
1-I don't!

Tonight I ate chocolate, I ate mashed potatoes and gravy and dressing and brocalli casserole, and pecan pie and I cried and I cried and I cried!

How do I cope?
1-I don't

I am crying now, tears are flowing without abandon as I type and I hurt inside. My stomach hurts, my stomach muscles hurt from sobbing, my heart hurts and my chest feels like a band is around it. No, it isn't a heartattack, it is an attack of a broken heart that is missing the spirit of a joyful man. For many years Ed didn't know how to smile or laugh but one day he changed. He went to work and came home a differnet person. He had made a decision to be happy and from that day on, with a few but understandable exceptions, he smiled and laughed and he had a twinkle in his eyes that everyone noticed and about which they commented. I miss that smiling, laughing twinkle in his eyes spirit. It was torn away from us, from me, way too soon.

How do I cope?
1- I DON'T
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am so saddened by your loss. It is unfathomable. Scream and cry! I pray that one day you will feel Edward touch your heart and lead you out of your grief and to a grief support group. This is such a stressful time of year for many people anyway. With your loss, I can only imagine it's intensely worse. How do you cope? One minute at a time and with as much support as you can gather. emoticon emoticon
    1973 days ago
    Feeling your pain, even though I can never plumb the depths of it.
    1974 days ago
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