10,000-14,999 SparkPoints 11,617

Nikki reflects

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

I'm trying to ramp up the motivation so I read through the last 9 pages of blogs I've done -which is the whole point to why i bother to blog. I can't believe that anyone would actually want to read this droll but if you do- you're my favorite. But really I do it so I can see where I've come from. 9 pages ago took me back to Jan 2011 and man... that was an eye opener. I was just in the pits then. 2 babies. SEVERE PPD. Lots of stress. 205lbs. I'd sort of forgotten what life was like for me at that point but reading the words - it all became very real again. No wonder my progress has been so slow. I've had so many challenges and obstacles along the way. PPD, two very very small kids, sleep deprivation, living far away from civilization, financial problems, unreliable work situations, breast feeding... I have to cut myself some slack really. I get so frustrated with how slowly I've lost but as my situation has improved, my kids have gotten bigger, I've been able to invest more time and attention in this healthy lifestyle and it has paid off. I've dealt with things as best as I could.

I'm in a much much better place now. And I've lost about 10lbs since the beginning of the school year which is pretty amazing. Last year I really struggled to stay on track while working full time. Of course it helps that I'm not at an elementary school this year where every week theres a party for one reason or another and kids are always poking cupcakes in your face. And also part of the reason I'm more well rested is that I dont have to start as early and my schedule is a lot less mentally exhausting than it was last year. (I'm a sign language interpreter which is really taxing mentally but theres much more independent work in the middle school setting so i dont have to do as much). But even still, 10lbs since the beginning of august while working full time with a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old is not too shabby. I wanted to be further along but... I'm gonna get there. I need to relax a little bit. A lot of the things that frustrated me in the beginning still frustrate me. And I still dont know the answer to a lot of the questions i had then. But I still managed to lose almost 50lbs. So I need to just trust the process, have patience and stay with it. I could have easily have gone the other direction over the last 2 years and gained 50lbs instead of lost - but I didn't.

Some of the milestones I've hit:
6-21-11 Under 200lbs. The first time the scale (consistently) moved down instead of up in a long long long time.
2-17-11 189lbs. The lowest I'd been since before I was married (10 years this year)
3-5-12 186 wedding ring fit again for first time in about 4 years (Now I can wear wedding and engagement ring and they're both almost sliding off) Also weighed the same as my drivers license said i weighed which felt really good!
7-23-12 179 Lowest weight since college
11-1-12 168 - current weight. Can wear mostly all of my clothes that I'd been saving for when I lost weight. In fact, some is too big.

These things have all been awesome celebrations. So here's the things I'm working towards.

-165lbs Will be 50lbs lost and my half way mark. Hoping I'll hit it in a week or two
-150lbs Will be officially out of the obese bmi range and will weigh less than my husband. Hoping to hit this by Feb 2nd - my 30th Birthday
130 Will be 15lbs from my ultimate goal. Hoping to hit this in time for my 10 year wedding anniversary so we can have super awesome photos taken since I HATE my wedding photos. Because I was fat 10 years ago
115 - my ultimate goal weight, smack dab in the middle of a healthy bmi for someone who is 5'0. Hitting this sometime over summer would be amazing!!

I'd also really like to run a 5k and even a half math further down the track.

I've made it this far. I KNOW all this is completely doable.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BRADMILL2922
    I loved this blog! You have really come a long ways and the rest totally doable!

    1997 days ago
  • LIQUET_87
    Congrats on your progress. I went through my journal entries last week and I couldnt believe how much Id forgot had happened since the beginning. We will get through it all. As someone else said, we are our own biggest enemy. We are the hardest on ourselves. But as long as we know what we want, and have the determination to change, we will never be the same again. Keep up the good work.
    1999 days ago
    Congratulations to you!!!! We are always our toughest critic. You have not only inspired yourself with your blogs but others as well. emoticon
    2000 days ago
  • LMH1223
    I'm so glad you stopped and read about what you've experienced the past few years! It's amazing how reading something we wrote in the moment can bring back those feelings and help us realize, we've been through a lot! I haven't kept up on my blogging like I'd like to, I wanted to be able to have those blogs available for the same reason.

    You have been through quite a bit in the past few years, I think your progress has been fantastic! I'm a slow "loser" and am barely creeping along. It does get super annoying and frustrating, but we just have to keep moving forward.

    I like your goals you have right now, I think they are totally possible!!

    Keep it up!!
    2002 days ago
    So proud of your progress.

    Don't doubt that we all read this not because it's 'droll' but because we all know a whiney blog is just a call for support!

    So, on a blog like this you get not only support, but cheers! Look how well you've done! You're truly an inspiration. Some day I'll join you in the land of 160's!
    2002 days ago
    You've got this girly!!!!!!

    I will say, I'm about 5' too, and my lowest weight was 120 and I like wasn't eating. I just don't think I can be healthy and go lower than that. I would just focus on the healthy living, part of me thinks that BMI thing is a bit bunk for us little folks haha.
    2003 days ago
    You are AWESOME!!!! So proud of you!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2003 days ago
    Congratulations for all the milestones you've passed!! I know you can reach your goal!! emoticon
    2003 days ago
    Great blog! You've come so far! emoticon emoticon Nothing is going to stop you! You WILL get this DONE!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2003 days ago
    You have inspired me to blog more often if only for the sake of being able to look back as you have done. It is amazing how we forget how much we are challenged with in our day to day lives.
    2003 days ago
    You've come a long way. Enjoy the journey. emoticon
    2003 days ago
  • PSALM42
    Great post! I agree with you that we are too hard on ourselves and forget how far we have come! I also liked this post because I'm struggling with losing weight- I have 3 children 5, 3, and almost 9 months. I get up anywhere from 1-5 times per night and I am tired! I am still wearing my maternity pants, though they are too big. I look and feel terrible. But I have lost a lot of weight since I've had my baby... and in time, with diligence, I will get back (comfortably) into those prepregnancy jeans! (I can squeeze in them! but would not wear in public!) My next goal is 165 as well! I do hope to hit that before the new year. I'd love to hit 150 (prepregnancy weight) by beginning of March (my bday and baby's first bday). Those are my goals for now. I hope to make- and reach- new ones after that.
    2003 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    2003 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.