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Mindfulness comes from awareness

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Well the leftovers (except from the 21 lb turkey) are gone along with the desserts. I am thankful for that. Going to try my best to freeze the remaining broccoli soup (it really should be called cheese soup) today if I don't give it away. The scale is up 5 lbs (up 2 overnight). What really surprises me is how quickly things can change. Just recently foods I use to eat didn't taste so good. But after prolonged sampling while I was cooking, along with sampling while putting away leftovers, some of those foods began to taste real good - to the point of calling me from the refrigerator. Next I was eating foods that didn't even taste that good - that I would have easily passed up before - but right back to the thinking that they are food, eat them. I am glad (kind of) that I have learned how fast the thinking and patterns can return that kept me yoyoing my entire life. It provides an opportunity to decide on what I am going to do differently because yoyoing is no longer an option for my life.
First of all, back to tracking. I left town earlier in Nov. and did extremely well with eating healthy. Since the internet was intermittent and I knew I was doing well, did not track (also forgot the scale). I did do well, but once I got home I continued to not track (continuing to eat well). I did not think about the benefits of tracking to see what is happening and as an accountabilty tool - one that I still need.
Interesting phenomena this morning - I "forgot" to weigh myself. I did catch it, did weigh, and found out I was up 2 lbs. It is interesting that the last time I did not weigh myself (if I had access to scale) was when I was climbing to my highest weight. In the past, when gaining, I only weighed myself intermittently. I will be weighing daily again, no matter what.
Also it is time to start thinking about something I have been avoiding. What was my thinking process with yoyoing and how much of it still exists? When I hit my goal weight (which I was not sure was sustainable or healthy or reasonable but made because I wanted to achieve that goal), I quickly added a few lbs back on. I was undereating and there was an adjustment period so contributed it to that. I then lost to 1 lb under goal (struggling sometimes to eat enough) and now have gained 5 lbs back. Yes, I do know that is not all fat - and I also am trying to learn about my body - but I also know this looks a lot like my past. One of the main motivations I had to lose weight was remembering a time when weight was not an issue - I was at a healthy weight, I didn't think much about it (nor how I looked in the mirror), and I was busy with life not body issues.
Which leads me to one of my main goals - to get strong again to ride a dirt bike. Perhaps if I keep myself struggling with the food issues, I can stay distracted from what I am, and am not doing about this goal. Something to think about...
No, not more to think about. Time to be mindful of what might be happening and time to push on doing what is needed to get to where I want to be.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    The holidays seem to bring out our least wanted behaviors with all the favorite foods, traditions, family gatherings, disruptions to our normal schedules, added stress, etc. Not surprising that you fell into a few old habits you thought were in the past. At least Thanksgiving is now behind us and we can take stock how things went, reassess/revise our plans and move forward. I think it is awesome that you are looking at mindfulness and catching yourself in things like forgetting to weigh daily. Thinking about yo-yo'ing and what is going on inside when you were doing sounds really smart and pro-active. And being aware of how you went from not being interested in some of the foods to feeling that they were "calling" you is a wake-up for how slippery the slope can be and why we want to stay away from the edge. Good work. I know you will figure this out. You already are and you're getting back on the path you want to be on!

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    2008 days ago
  • KANOE10
    I need to weigh myself everyday and like you when I stopped weighing was when I headed to being overweight.

    I went through some stress last summer and went way below my goal weight. Since then I range around 3 pounds above or below my goal..

    I know you will find what you want to stay at . Your mindful eating is important.

    You are doing a great job of staying focused and positive!

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    2008 days ago
    I so related to my leap from allowing myself a little piece of pumpkin pie and enjoying it to again mindlessly shoveling it in hardly even tasting what I'm eating. I want to always enjoy the occasional treat, not just mindlessly eat it. It's time for us all to get back on it for this next pre-Christmas month so we can enjoy the holidays with no regrets. Thanks for a great thought-provoking blog.
    2008 days ago
    Oh yeah, the old habits die hard. Our bodies are really reluctant to change. You certainly have a lot of company with how your weight yo-yoing is going. Including me. Keep an eye on the scale, you have thought it through and know what to do. Congratulations!
    2009 days ago
    Good luck sorting through all the thinking process. I'm a firm believer that weight is more often just a symptom of other things.

    We can go through all the actions to get to a healthy weight, but eventually we do have to address the many things involved in our gaining in the first place. Some we address just to get started, some we address along the way, but in order to successfully maintain we have to root out each and every thinking and habit that would contribute to regaining.
    2009 days ago
    I was at my scream weight this morning.

    Yes, the old habits die hard. And the extra temptation provided by eating a few sugary carbolicious desserts can lead to me craving MORE sugary, carbolicious desserts and items I don't need.

    The difference for me is that I'm much less likely these days to avoid the scale or delay on re-engaging the careful behaviors necessary to push the weight back off.

    Because the sooner I jump back on track, the less damage I'll have to undo down the road.

    So yeah. The weight definitely slides back up again for me, but the amount of regain is much smaller than in the past because I stop the slide sooner and fight back.

    And having made a pre-holiday plan was good, even if you didn't follow all of it. I'm sure you did follow some of it, and that counts as damage control, too.

    Hang in there. If we're lucky we can learn a little more about ourselves and how to function in the world, every single day.

    2009 days ago
    Yeppers, one of my "keys to maintenance" is monitoring the scale (and not freaking out over variations... only if it trends upward over time!)

    During my nine day road trip I did not weigh (no scale) but I did pay attention to what I was consuming, and of course I had that half marathon which was the reason for the whole trip. I came back to a lower number on the scale than the one when I left, and that was in fact what I expected.

    This is just a temporary thing... back to tracking will do the trick in short order!
    2009 days ago
  • -AMANDA79-
    I've been trying to focus on a maintenance range instead of a specific number. It's easy to become obsessed with keeping your weight at the number I want.
    2009 days ago
    That is such a good insight on awareness. We can actually get out of the habit of liking (and reaching for) certain foods ... but those habits come back pretty quickly when we cease to be aware.

    I'm sure you'll go back to not liking those foods (and not eating them!) in no time.

    Nice blog!

    2009 days ago
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