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the hurt and the healing

Friday, November 23, 2012

so thanksgiving is over. an interesting one that will probably be a touchstone in my life from now on. here is a little background.
my folks have recently moved into a retirement home, and now that rob's mom is gone our thanksgiving plans were kind of up in the air. my nephew's young wife told my mom she wanted to have thanksgiving in her lovely new home, so my mom gave her all the good silver as she was breaking up housekeeping so it could still be used at family gatherings. the kicker is--rob and i were not invited.
now i am not a big one for observing holidays, and i am not really close to my nephew and his wife--not antagonistic or anything--we are just not a part of each others lives that much. we mainly see each other at family gatherings, where my entire family is together. so it wasn't really the idea of not observing thanksgiving that bothered me, it was just the hurt of being excluded. i don't think there is any malice intended, its just the way they decided to do things.
so rob and i had thanksgiving together at home. went for a very solid hour's walk at the park with dorijane and shambles. had yogurt, strawberries and a coffee cake made with the light bisquick. rob is also nursing a very bad cold, so i am concentrating on soft, warm, soothing foods.
lunch (the Thanksgiving meal) was lean ham and a little turkey, dressing with apples and toasted walnuts, mashed potatoes, roasted brussels sprouts and butternut squash with parmesan, and for rob, green bean casserole. i don't eat turkey, but had a little ham and mostly the veggies, potatoes and dressing. had one plate of food and enjoyed it thoroughly. several hours later we had our dessert--a slice of cherry pie and reduced cal. ice cream. also very good. when i got hungry in the early evening i made myself a grilled cheese and tomato with red. cal bread and low fat cheese. ended the day feeling okay with how i did--knowing that getting back on track will come friday, and should be fairly easy.
then the big surprise. the phone rang and it was my mother. you have to understand that i am the least favored member of my family. its nothing terrible or tragic--every family has the one person that is on the most distant fringe, and in my family its me. i don't enjoy knowing that, but over the years i have come to accept it, and try very hard not to let it influence how i live my life or relate with the rest of my family. i had pretty much convinced myself that my absence at the thanksgiving dinner would go unnoticed. but my mother called very unhappy to tell me that she thought we would be there and she felt terrible when she realized we had not been invited. and to my complete surprise she told me that had they known we were not included, she and my dad would have refused the invitation so they could spend time with us instead. this was a kind of seminal moment for me, when i realized that perhaps my perception of my parents' feelings for me may not be exactly right. and i have a new appreciation for their loyalty and sense of fairness. we talked for awhile and i assured her that while my feelings were hurt i would continue to survive, and everyone has the right to celebrate a holiday in their home the way they wish. my main concern now is just the fact that she was so upset that she wasn't able to fully enjoy the time with her grandsons, one of whom she hasn't seen in a long time. i thanked her for calling us and told her honestly how much i appreciated her concern about this, but that life goes on and everything is fine.
so that was my thanksgiving--the universe sent me a lovely gift indeed by way of what looked on the surface to be an unhappy turn of events.
so if i can get myself moving (with rob's cold i got about 45 minutes of sleep last night) i will head out to the running track and do my podrunner. and if not today, i will do it tomorrow. have a great black friday!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ANDY_54
    I love this comment: 'the universe sent me a lovely gift'--what a great way of expressing what ultimately happened that day. So glad things turned out okay for you and your husband!
    1972 days ago
  • LIVEDAILY know, it's true what you said about families. My own, while mostly we get along really well together, there are "sticky points", and the longer I live on this earth, the more I understand that everyone's family is like that. It's human nature. I'm sure if we were to get together and talk, we'd be able to talk for hours and hours about our families!! lol Cherish your time with your mom and dad. As difficult as my mom could be, I missed her a lot this Thanksgiving. Maybe you could have lunch with your mom and dad this week....
    1976 days ago
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