I am fine! Really!
Thursday, November 22, 2012
This is the first major holiday since my husband's death, and evidently it is a big cause for concern for my family. But I am fine. I have been fine from the beginning of the end - at the first cancer diagnosis. Howard and I discussed his illness and decided at the very beginning that it is what it is, and that we would enjoy ourselves as we always did - make the best of a devastating situation. And that we did. We shared every step together, the good, the bad and the ugly! Cancer is very ugly sometimes, and it is cruel. But, we loved each other for 13 months until he had to go. And as much as I didn't want to lose him, I didn't want him to hurt either. I still miss him terribly - but I am fine.
I have continued with my business, continued making improvements to our home as we had planned, and decided to make improvements on my self, as well. Business as usual, with just one important variable missing. Nevertheless, business is getting done, nicely at that, I am proud to say. And I am fine!
So today is Thanksgiving. I am thankful for my caring family and friends. They do love me. But I have been asked fifty times the past couple of weeks "What are you going to do, where are you going to go for Thanksgiving?" Howard and I always went to Ryan's restaurant, sort of our own little tradition as our family lived 530 miles away, and work kept us close to home, and he didn't care for turkey enough to have tons of leftovers. We even took lonely people with us on occasion to share a meal. It was "our thing".
I've had several offers to go to friends homes to share the day with them and their families. No thank you. I am fine.
I don't need to be coddled or pitied or looked at sadly. I am still me, and I am fine!!! I still like to go to the movies, I still like to laugh and have fun. I am not depressed, nor do I want to be treated like a sad case. I have sad moments, times I miss him more than others, but that is OK. I am fine!
So, on this day of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for my great friends and family.
I am grateful for my gift of health, and the ability I have had to improve it this year. I am thankful for my Spark Friends and all their encouragement and laughs. I am thankful for the five devoted four legged critters that share my space, they keep me busy sometimes! And especially I am grateful for the wonderful 17 years of life I shared with my husband, he was the best! And thankfully, I am fine, really!