Well, today is Thanksgiving and another year is close to coming to an end. It's hard to believe I've been on this journey for over 2.5 years already. While I am not one to post daily facebook posts or whatever about what I am thankful for, I am thankful for a lot. I'm not a person who takes things (or people) for granted and I always try to remind myself, even when things are crappy, that life really IS good and there is much to appreciate.
My weight is up and I am frustrated with that, and with myself. It's only a few pounds, but it annoys me. I was down to 177 and now I am around 181. I was 179 just the other day, and then we ate out twice this week. I didn't work out much this week because my kids have been sick and I've been exhausted from them waking me up at night. It's not an excuse, but it is what it is. There is no other way to say, but I'm just tired. Losing weight is like having a full time job and then I have kids to take care of, and I just feel overwhelmed trying to get it all done.
Every time I eat a dinner out and eat something that might have a lot of calories, I think, "Maybe this time I won't gain weight." I don't know why I do this, because almost every single time I eat out and eat something where I don't know the calories, I end up gaining weight. It doesn't matter if I work out every day that week and run 10 miles, I will gain weight. I bloat so easily and now I gain weight even faster than before and in a day my pants will feel tighter if I eat too much.
It seems so unfair, and sometimes I feel resentful of everyone I know that can just eat without thinking about it, and I have to work out so hard and still can't eat out with them and not have it affect me. The weeks where I don't eat out and make all my food myself, I lose weight. I don't know why my body gains weight so easily. I can easily gain 3 or 4 pounds in a day from eating a couple pieces of pizza and having a slice of cake. Everyone says it's just water weight, but it will take a week or more to go away, so it makes me feel like I am failing when my weight goes up.
Even though my weight is up a few pounds, I am trying not to be too hard on myself. I did train very hard for months and I just feel worn out-emotionally and physically. I know now though when I do have a little gain that I will get it off and not give up. I will continue to work out and be healthy. Sometimes it's just hard and every day can seem like a battle.
So, I am thankful that I have been able to persevere all this time. As I was running this morning, and it felt so hard, (broken sleep for days has me worn out) I reminded myself that today I ran 3 miles in 30 minutes. This is something I never thought I'd ever be able to do. I know my body is still recovering from the half marathon, so I am going to really try and work on getting my eating on the track it needs to be. This next month is so hard with birthdays and Christmas coming. There are triggers everywhere and I find it hard not to eat. That has always been the hardest part for me--wanting to eat what everyone else around me is able to eat. I had a good breakfast this morning (oatmeal with blueberries and banana) and we're eating an early dinner. I am really going to try hard not to overeat. I have found once I eat too much at one meal, it triggers something and then for days I struggle not to do it again.
I have blood work being taken in a week, and I am anxious about it and my upcoming physical. I just want it to come back good. My triglycerides used to be high, and I am hoping they are normal now.
Of everything I am thankful for (besides the obvious family and friends) I am most thankful for my health. Without your health, what do you really have?
Anyway, I hope you all have a great holiday.