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I'm Ashamed To Write This....

Monday, November 19, 2012

I just read what all of you said on my blog yesterday about my day off. Then, I realized how my day did not go as planned today. The only thing I have done so far is my power walk and I did 2.5 miles instead of just 2. My friend is not feeling well, so didn't want to go to Curves. That meant try and find a ride to Curves and belly dance or at least belly dance. My dad had a meeting, my FIL doesn't like to leave my MIL alone, so I ended up stuck at home. Did I say how much fun it was being blind? I hope you know I am being facetious. Did you know that faceitious was the only word with all 5 vowels in order? HeeHee.

I had a really bad night. My husband was snoring the roof off then Jack started wheezing. Every time I dozed off one of them would start making weird noises. I know this is wrong of me, but I get so mad at my husband. He was doing so well and lost 25 pounds at the beginning of summer and after he broke his knee he just totally gave up and gained it and more back. He is at his heaviest and I know that is why his snoring is so horrible. I wish I had a recording to play for you. It is amazingly loud and I don't know, just horrible sounding! He has no sex drive, no energy and just sits on the couch and watches TV and yes, he eats. We buy healthy at home, but he is gone for 12 hours or more a day and who knows what he is eating out there? I'm mad. I know this is hard. God knows I know it is hard. It is not like I'm losing like crazy myself, but at least I try. It all just makes me want to cry. I know he is killing himself and I don't think he cares.

So, a night with 0 sleep but yummy smelling oatmeal cooking.... It was yummy, but awfully bland. I used 0% fat evaporated milk instead of 2% and then sprinkled some brown sugar on it. That helped alot. It needed a bit of sweetness. It is a very soupy oatmeal, so you might want to lessen the water or maybe try steel cut oats if you make it. What I really liked was that it was ready and waiting for me and I ate breakfast and went to bed for a few hours after my husband left and Jack stopped greeting the neighborhood. I have these wonderful Pampered Chef 1 cup bowls with lids that I divided the oatmeal into and then put all but 1 in the freezer! I'm going to eat the 1 for breakfast tomorrow. It did keep me full for a long time today.

I did my power walk and then took a nice, long hot shower and deep conditioned my hair. I'm ready for the week! Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment at 8:15 and then will go to Curves. I plan to get at least 30 more minutes of cardio in today plus some lunges! It won't be my usual Monday, but I'll at least be doing something which is always better than nothing!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hey, I don't think I've commented here before but I wanted to mention on the snoring because I have two men in my life, my boyfriend and my brother, who have sleep apnea. My boyfriend's isn 't bad so he doesn't have to wear a cpap yet, but he will eventually. A friend of mine from my last work lost her husband to sleep apnea, he was supposed to wear the cpap machine at all times when he was sleeping but he hated it and would take it off and she would wake up and put it back on him. One night she didn't wake up to put it back on him and in the morning he had passed away. The doctor's said it was a combination of his health issues but with the cpap he probably could have gotten 5 more years or so. He was in his late 70s at the time, but she blamed herself for a long time for not waking up. It was really devastating.

    Sleep apnea can also cause low energy, weight gain, etc...get your guy to the doctor!
    1983 days ago
    You mention you wish you had a recording. Well, it's not a bad idea. Not sure if you have tried this, but I will give my two cents here. I had a student who was falling asleep in class which was NOT characteristic of her. She told me her symptoms and I said, it sounded like apnea. Her husband video taped her and what came from this was her utter amazement at the lack of sleep she was not getting. She understood her husbands concern, if not to mention how terribly annoying it was as well to him, and asked her doctor. She was hesitant to try the CPAP machine, but once she did, she said, "That was the best nights sleep I had in years!!!" It was the kickstart she needed to get healthier too! She was able to lose the weight and get off the machine.

    Hugs to you and I hope you find some relief and a solution.
    1983 days ago

    I dn't blame you for being worried about your Anthony. He is such a wonderful hubby. I'm praying that you can get him to take better care of himself! Hugs!
    1983 days ago
  • OPTIMIST1948
    I agree wi t h you. Oatmeal needs a bit of sweetness! I also find thatwithout a little protein in the mornig the oatmeal, as virtuous as it makes me feel, doesnt last until lunch. Easiest is to make some HB eggs and just eat the white. 17 calories and no time at all.

    Good luck to you and never be ashamed of your journey. Thats what we all are here for! To lift and celebrate when it is needed!
    1983 days ago
    I agree with MDK. I took a sleep course in college and sleep apnea is not something to mess with. People that suffer from it and are not receiving treatment have a lot higher heart attack rate. I am not trying to make you feel guilty -- maybe its annoying you to get your attention so he gets checked!

    On to your dilemma of not getting out of the house to curves... Do you have a "plan B" when you can't get out? (an exercise plan for home?). I go to "plan B" quite often when things come up and mess up mybexercise plans.
    1983 days ago
  • MICHELLE_391
    So the oatmeal: I've changed up the recipe and like it much better than the original recipe. I use the 0% evaporated milk and have swapped out 3/4 cup raisins for the apple. I use steel cut oats instead of the rolled ones. This makes a HUGE difference in the texture. And my coup de grace, I add 2 tbsp cinnamon and 1 tbsp vanilla extract.

    Ok, now to the more important stuff. I know your husband is his own person and you can't control him, but I understand why you'd be angry. Do you feel he's being self-centered? Because I do. But in the end, he's got to want to take care of himself. All the wanting and nagging in the world from your side can't change him.

    ((((HUGS)))) I'm glad you were able to do things to take care of YOU today!
    1983 days ago
  • MDKM80
    We don't know eachother, I clicked on your blog and hope you don't mind. My husband suffered from LOUD snoring. He also is overweight and we thought perhaps this was the issue. Although it is PART of the issue, it wasn't the whole problem. He would snore so loud I could hear him through the whole house. He would rattle the bed as I dreamed of smothering him with the pillow! We took him to the doctor and he had a sleep test and it turned out he had moderate to severe sleep apnea. He now has to sleep with a CPAP machine. My father has the same issue and he is approaching 400lbs. He also suffers from sleep apnea, but does not have a machine. The difference is the difference in sleep. When my husband has the mask on he sleeps soooo much better. Perhaps this is part of your husbands issue?

    Sorry if I sound nosy, but your husband sounds like what mine was like and the CPAP changed his life and saved our marriage. I don't dream of killing him with a pillow in his sleep anymore as he no longer snores.
    1983 days ago
    My hubby snores too (or as we say, he 'purrs' ) so I've added some white noise and/or a fan to try to mask it.

    Maybe you can check out some of the SP resources on dealing with stress . . . sounds like you're dealing with plenty of it. How you deal with it makes a big diff.

    And if you can't get out of the house to get to Curves . . . . create your own at home. or check out SP's seated core workout videos. That's a great resource and it's very beneficial.

    Hope things get better.

    1983 days ago
    Hey nothing to be ashamed of. You day didn't go as planned but you are trying.

    I have the same issue with my hubby. He has health issues that are just continuing to get worse and worse but refuses to do anything about it. Sigh - nothing we can do.

    1983 days ago
  • TANYA602
    Yes! Something is so much better than nothing! Getting a nap in surely helped. I'm sorry to hear DH has fallen off the wagon - I'm guessing you've had the same conversation with him to express your concern? We've been having these conversations in our house a lot during the past year, and thank goodness DH has lightened up with the beer and is taking our dietary needs much more seriously. He's always been physically active and wanting me to get on board, so we've learned to make compromises.
    Hang in there, kiddo. Communication is everything.
    1983 days ago
    I also snore and know that it bothers others.
    1983 days ago
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