I wish I could stop christmas from coming this year :(

Sunday, November 18, 2012

The turkey is still in the freezer... just not into it thinking of my mom a lot (died in July) she always loved my stuffing.....
Christmas is when she'd be coming over with dad and I'm dreading him walk in alone, it's sad cause she wasn't very nice to me in fact quite mean at times... I never thought I'd miss her this much, but I'm the only one with a heart in my family so why didn't I expect to feel like this?
I bought an ornament to put on the tree of an angel and it says "when you feel down , look up"... I'll put her name on it and the dates.
I bought a little santa and snowflake to put on her grave... I knew last year one of the parents wouldn't be here for this one... that's why i took pictures of each one with my son.....
I went to a craft fair today that's where i bought the ornament... it wasn't too big and had a lot of jewelry that didn't look like it was handmade at all....
It was a decent day, it was a good thing I wore sunglasses cause when I looked at a lot of the Christmas things I began to cry... this is going to me a awful christmas cause i'm realizing that i use to decorate for her... cause she didn't have a tree or decorate for years and use to like to see mine and loved seeing my son at Christmas...
She always loved my cooking , i think it's because she didn't have to slave over the stove and then have to do the dreaded dishes in the tub at the age of 89 yrs old!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't believe how rotten my nephew was to my parents and they let him get away with being treated that way......

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    So very sorry to hear you are feeling this way..............and it is to be expected. I remember our first Christmas without Daddy...........felt so loss and empty. Then 10 years later it was Mom that journeyed home to be with Daddy so it was another Christmas that had the feeling of loss. My baby brother felt it too so the family tried to incorporate family vacations which we did.............until my baby brother slipped away one morning in his sleep at the age of 34 .................two years after Mom passed away.........heart is what the coroner said. Why am I telling you this??? Not to make you feel worse than what you already are but it is life that goes on, and the pain will lessen over the years and good memories will flow. I had a son that I wanted to make the holiday a happy one to remember, not dwell on what we did not have, but rather what we did have. And then along came 2 grandchildren many years later and the joy that was in their eyes. Look into your son's eyes...........don't let that joy dim!! Wishing your heartaches to ease, and sending prayers out to you during this difficult time emoticon
    1978 days ago
    Sounds like you are a very sweet and caring daughter. None of us is perfect. Eventually you will remember only the good things. Treat yourself well this holiday. Bless you and hugs.

    1979 days ago
    So sorry to hear how you are feeling....I lost my Dad in May and this will be our first holiday season without him also. We lost my Mom 16 years ago, and I still miss her...Trust me, it will get better eventually. I did not want to celebrate the first year after my Mom died, but my husband insisted....he said I did not smile for several months after the funeral...Good luck and feel better soon...celebrate the memories. Lynel emoticon
    1979 days ago
    I'm very sorry to hear about your mom. Holiday seasons can be rough in that sense. I hope you're able to enjoy the time with your family. Hope yall have a emoticon Happy Thanksgiving!
    1979 days ago
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