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Not the Best

Saturday, November 17, 2012

A friend of mine suggested I blog about what's bothering me because it's clear that something is wrong but I haven't stated what it is. I was going to wait to blog until tomorrow when I do my WUB, but I figured she was right and so here it is. I must warn you that what is in this blog is personal and not for the boys. So if you're a guy or are the really squeamish type, don't continue reading the next paragraph.

So. I've been having this problem the last couple of weeks. I've had a lot of breast pain for a couple of weeks now. The pain seems to originate from a certain spot and just spreads out from there. I can not touch anything without wanting to cry. I mean really, I can't even shower anymore without pain. And I seem to be getting these purple spots that almost look like spider veins but they showed up over night, so I'm understandably confused on that one. Plus, they itch like no other. So after two weeks of suffering and three negative pregnancy tests, I finally made an appointment with a doctor and I see them Tuesday afternoon. Honestly, I am terrified. I don't know what's wrong with me and it just seems to keep changing. And I'll be honest that I've kind of worked myself up into thinking it's the "C" word and if that's the case, I don't know what's going to happen. I can't afford any treatments, so I guess if that is what is, I have to fight and win or lose on my own. But I'm scared. Very scared. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sick of the pain and I'm sick of not being able to do anything about it or because of it. So, I'm at a loss here.

And today I had lots of fun trying my hand at that work at home thing I had talked about earlier. Yeah. It's not going to work out and I blew $30 bucks on the crap. I'm royally pissed at myself for this mistake. That was money I borrowed from my hospital bill payment, which thankfully isn't due until the 9th, thinking things were going to work out and I was going make some extra money and I was going to have a great wedding and I was going to get to quit my job from hell and all these other great dreams that are never going to happen. I can't do what they want to their specifications and apparently they are extremely picky about what they buy from you and it's not a good thing. No, I didn't do my research very well. So, goodbye dream wedding and goodbye getting away from that job. And you wanna know the best part? I convinced my fiance to help me deal with my depression by using some of the grocery money so I could medicate myself with Dominos. So I emotionally ate my little heart out with gluten, so I'm extra sick on top of the normal I overate sick, and I haven't been exercising. I feel so good about myself right now. I'm being sarcastic. I'm just fed up with everything right now. I can't seem to handle much of anything right at this moment. So that's what's going on. Most will find that this second paragraph isn't that big of a deal, but if you worked where I worked, or worked in a place as physically, emotionally, and mentally toxic as it is, you'd understand. I feel trapped, I feel lost, I feel angry and betrayed. I feel a lot right now. Not sure where to go from here now.

Also, a while back I promised pictures of my wedding pillows project. Well here's the first one. A progress picture anyway. I still need to outline everything in black with a back stitch, but this is what I have so far as of the work I did on Tuesday.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hi WindSong. I've got a similar work situation, too. I also have been dealing with the extreme breast pain. In other words, I relate to what you're going through. I wish I knew what to state without sounding cheesy. I hope things get better for you SOON. emoticon
    1980 days ago
    Hope you get better
    1981 days ago
    First of all -- Sorry to hear about the pain. I hope it turns out to be nothing serious. Did you know that Dominos now offers a gluten-free crust? Like, sure, it's still dominos... BUT when you are totally out of control with stress and you decide to order it next time, at least you won't get sick. emoticon
    1981 days ago
  • MIRFA71
    you will be OK !! emoticon emoticon
    1981 days ago
    Breasts do get weird random pains and also other weird problems that happen. It's really gross and probably TMI but I got a really dreadful sebaceous cyst on my left one once and it caused a purple splotch, the veins got all puffy and every breathe and movement hurt so bad it felt like a knife. All that pain and worry for an infected ingrown hair that once pulled out it drained and was almost instantly all better. Think better thoughts it maybe something simple. Sending good vibes your way that all is well and you find out some good news.
    1982 days ago
  • MOLLZ007
    I'm so sorry about everything that's been going on! I will definitely be keeping you in my prayers and hoping that you get some answers at the doctors visit. As for the pizza, don't beat yourself up about it, I love their pizza and I splurged on it last night too. It happens. Dont give up! emoticon
    1982 days ago
    I am so glad you made this blog not only did you let us see what's wrong but I really feel like it helped yourself see the issue too...Stay strong! You don't know anything until you see the doctor so don't get yourself worked up until you know for sure. It could be many things and probably the doctor will have a solution. As for work, don't lose hope! Apply everywhere and meanwhile use your frustration in some sort of outlet like running, cleaning, writing, anything to clear your mind from your work. As for the Dominos I totally love their pizza and I understand when that happens-it's a miner set back that can be easily fixed don't get stuck on one small mistake just learn from it. Hang in there! There is always hope emoticon
    1982 days ago
    I feel for you re the pain in the breast. I certainly hope that the Dr can find out what is wrong with it. If need be ask for an ultrasound to be done.

    A few years ago I had a breast lump, and the surgeon decided an op was needed. Initially I was stunned, but then I told myself that whatever it was, it was already and worry wasn't going to alter it. I tell you, with that I became very relaxed - so relaxed, in fact that when I was wheeled to the Theatre and we were waiting outside, the Nurse suddenly realized she had forgotten to give me a sedative. I sat up and asked if it LOOKED like I needed sedating! They laughed and decided I didn't. The surgeon told me I was the most relaxed patient he had had! The outcome was good too - just a benign lump, not cancer.

    BIG hugs,
    1982 days ago
    So sorry that happened to you but look on the bright side, you still have your boyfriend and he loves you.

    As for the pain in the breast, that needs to be looked at but sometimes the breast just gets pain for no reason and doctors don't know why. I had that happen to me and even went for a mamo and it did not show anything, but I still had the pain. After a while it went away and I found that heat works to help it get better. At first it hurt like crazy but after a while it went away. It was almost like a duct got blocked and with the heat it opened it up.
    1982 days ago
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