The Reset Button

Friday, November 16, 2012

I've been in a funk for months. Part of it is unrelated to my weight and is related to depression. I've been dealing with that, and I've tried to separate it from my healthy lifestyle but it is interrelated.

And as a result my weight has crept up a little during this funk. Instead of letting it get me down though, I've decided to keep moving forward.

Last night as I was browsing Facebook, I came across some pictures that I was tagged in. The first one is from a couple of years ago at the science museum:

Just looking at the photo makes me feel sad. Sad, and tired. That pretty much sums up my old existence. I remember this trip, and I remember my knees and hips aching just from walking around. I also remember having a stomach ache. Probably from some junk I ate that day. I don't even remember what it was I ate. So it was obviously not worth it.

Then I came upon a couple of pictures from this past summer. The first is from my niece's birthday party:

And the other is a trip to the lake. Here I am holding a different niece:

Both of these are near my lowest weight. I felt happier then. Not only because of the weight, but my depression was under control then and I was actively living my life.

I am going to get back there again. It feels almost as if a reset button has been pushed. I will get the meds adjusted again and fight off the depression. I'm close to that point - I can feel it on the edge of my conciousness.

I am going to stop beating myself up for backtracking and using it as an excuse to slip into bad habits. I'm probably only ~12 lb over what I was in those pictures. But more than the number, I want that feeling again. Where I had energy and I was starting to build up some more confidence.

Today is a new day, I am resetting everything. No more failures to drag me down. No more excuses for bad decisions. From now on I choose to be the person from the second and third pictures.
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  • BOBF15
    Hope this poem posts. I love it. It is called "The Land of Beginning Again"

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    The Land of Beginning Again

    I wish that there were some wonderful place
    Called the Land of Beginning Again,
    Where all our mistakes and all our heartaches
    Could be dropped like a shabby old coat at the door,
    And never be on again.

    I wish we could come on it all unaware,
    Like the hunter who finds a lost trail;
    And i wish that the one whom our blindness had done
    The greatest injustice of all
    Could be at the gates like an old friend that waits
    For the comrade he's gladdest to hail.

    We would find all the things we intended to do
    But forgot, and remembered too late,
    Little praises unspoken, little promises broken,
    And all of the thousand and one
    Little duties neglected that might have perfected
    The day for one less fortunate.

    It wouldn't be possible not to be kind
    In the Land of Beginning Again;
    And the ones we misjudged and the ones
    whom we grudged
    Their moments of victory here
    Would find in the grasp of our loving handclasp
    More than penitent lips could explain.

    For what had been hardest we'd know had been best,
    And what had seemed loss would be gain;
    For there isn't a sting that will not take wing
    When we've faced it and laughed it away;
    And i think that the laughter is most what we're after
    In the Land of Beginning Again.

    So i wisht that there were some wonderful place
    Called the Land of Beginning Again,
    Where all our mistakes and all our heartaches
    And all of our poor selfish grief
    Could be dropped like a shabby old coat at the door,
    And never be put on again.

    Louisa Fletcher
    2038 days ago
    Good for you! I hope the depression gets under control soon. That's no fun, I know. Hang in there!
    2045 days ago
    emoticon Awesome!! There is no "Easy" Button, but the 'Reset' Button works just fine!!
    2046 days ago
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