But I still wake up, and I still see your ghost...

Friday, November 16, 2012

It's been a bad 2 months...

Well it started out good, Dan and I picked our wedding venue officially and reserved our date (Sept. 15th 2013)....

But 5 weeks today was the worst day in my entire life.
I was at work when my moms friend, Iris, messaged me on facebook saying she was worried about my mom. After frantic phone calls, I was talking to her boss who said that she never showed up for work that day. She was about an hour late. Iris left work to go to her house because she also knew that something didnt seem right....
She couldnt get in my moms house. My mom lives 3 hours away from me....
After what felt like hours, well it was really about 1.5/2 hours, of me calling troopers and cops and sitting in the back of the store having a panic attack, I calmed myself down enough and said I needed to leave. As soon as I pulled in my driveway the sheriff called me...
"Ma'am? My guys got in the house and... deceased." Bedside manners much?
I literally just stepped out of my car and crumpled in the driveway.
I think I called Dan and cried in the phone, no words, he said he was right around the corner and he found me in a little ball.

It was just me and my mom. I have a brother from her previous marriage, but he's about 16 years older than me so it was just me and mom in the house. I called her almost every morning...

She had a heart attack in her sleep. She was 63.

I took 2 weeks off from work to get her belongings together, have a service, and try to grieve but it just hurts... my entire body hurts, aches, when I think about it.

Ugh, I need to go to work and prep for Thanksgiving orders...
but I thought I should get some of this out there on here because I think I need to blog a bit. I need to get thoughts out of my head and down somewhere.

I've gained a bit of weight, I feel gross, but it's a comfort food thing... so Im trying to get back on track...
I was wondering if anyone here has used MyFitnessPal? Someone suggested it to me but I thought it looked a lot like SP but with better apps for phones? Any thoughts?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm so very sorry! I'm praying for you.. :hugs:
    1986 days ago
    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad to a sudden heart attack in August, so I'm aware of how overwhelmed you must be. Just take everything one day at a time. I'm sure your mom knows you loved her.
    1987 days ago
  • ALLISON145
    I'm so sorry honey. Take care of you, and take time to grieve.

    1987 days ago
    1987 days ago
    I am so sorry to hear about your mom.

    I have a few co-workers that use MyFitnessPal and love it. She is alwyas tracking EVERYthing he eats on it and lot 15 lbs traking her meals on it. I hope things go well for you and you have a very blessed wedding day!!!! (Looking georgous as well!!!!)
    1987 days ago
    I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know what you believe, but I am sure your mom is happy that you have Dan. She knew that you were going to get married and be happy with him. I hope that brings you some peace. As for gaining a little. Understandable, and you shouldn't worry about it until you want to. I have a fitbit and love it, exspecially since spark synched with fitbit (because I don't like their page).
    1987 days ago
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