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Danger Ahead

Thursday, November 15, 2012

The last few weeks, I feel like I’ve finally gotten my groove back, from the post-Dragon*Con hiccup, complicated by injury. I’m losing weight at a slow-but-steady pace, I’m working out like a champ and eating within my range is now the norm.

I’m also Sparking like crazy (yeah, it’s not just you: I really *am* here all the effing time lately)! I spend a lot of time on friend’s pages, reading blogs, but I also spend a fair amount of time on my own page, staring at my goals list, daydreaming.

Yeah, for real.
Step back, Brad Pitt, Daniel Craig and yes, even you, lovely Benedict Cumberbatch…this girl’s fantasizing about - wow, really? - WEIGHT LOSS.

Look, we’ve all done it. You hit a point where the weight seems to be coming off at a predictable clip and you start thinking long-term: “I lost X pounds this month, surely by Christmas, I should be able to hit X pounds…” or “If I hit X pounds by the New Year, then I might hit my mini-goal super early…”, or the inevitable “OMG, if I get to X pounds by March, how thin can I be by the summer?”.

So, what’s the harm with a little daydreaming?
Let’s have a little chat with 2008 SexBobOmb, shall we, to find out the reason:

“Hey, S.B.O…what’s up?”

“Oh, nothing, just running some numbers, doing some math, checking my BMI. Did you know that if I keep losing weight like this, I might be skinny enough to wear my leather jacket again?”

“Sounds great. Why do you look so stressed?”

“I’m not. I mean, I lost 47 pounds this year, I’m awesome, right? It’s just…”

“Just what, Sugarpop?”

“Well, it’s just,” then, leaning in with a conspiratorial whisper “It’s just…it was kinda easy.”

“Losing weight was easy? Well, that’s great, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but it makes me feel sort of, well, bad. Because it was so easy.”

“And so you feel like you wasted 30 years of your life being fat and miserable when you could’ve easily lost this weight all along?”


“Well, why not just be grateful that you’ve come to your senses now and make the most of the rest of your soon-to-be-skinny life?”

“Because then I really will have wasted 30 years of my life being fat!”

“So, what’s the alternative, Babydoll?”

“Self-sabotage. Take myself out. If I stop right now, I won’t be any worse off than I was in diets past, where I lost tons of weight, but still never made it to my goal. Just check with 1998 SexBobOmb, 1991 SexBobOmb or 1989 SexBobOmb – that was a good one, popcorn diet. Good times.”

“But, this is stupid. Why spend all this time and effort losing weight just to quit now?”

“Because if I ever do reach my goal, the terrorists will win. I mean, it’ll just prove that I could have avoided a lifetime of flab if I’d just exercised a modicum of self-control. Self-sabotage is much better, friend. If I fail once more, then, oops, what's a girl to do? My weight becomes something insurmountable and totally NOT MY FAULT!”

…and, scene.

Yes, I’m an idiot. But this daydreaming and fantasizing about reaching my goal is dangerous for me, because it means that I’m thinking, truly thinking, that this is a possibility. That I *can* reach my goal, easy-peasy, piece of cake, no problem – and that leads to stinkin’ thinkin’ and, eventually, self-sabotage.

So, I write this post to ask for your help: not to help me stop fantasizing, but to remind me that this thing that we are all doing, this losing weight thing, is NOT easy. That we did NOT waste years of our lives this way because we are lame or lazy – that losing weight is a really hard thing to do, something that requires persistence and drive and commitment.

More than that, I need you to remind me that we’re all worth this effort, no matter how many years we’ve been fat. That beating this thing is not an admission of failure for the years that preceded it, but a victory for the here and now.

Finally, if sometime in the near future you catch me veering off track – if you DON’T see me online as often, please call me out on my SparkPage. I respond well to public humiliation…

The truth of the matter is that I don’t want 2012 SexBobOmb to join the ranks of the years-gone-by SexBobOmbs.

2012 SexBobOmb needs to make it this time.

And so do you.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Loved the post :)
    Thank you for sharing!
    2336 days ago
    Losing weight is like a sucky video game.

    Sometimes, they are just too difficult right off the bat, and so I don't play it at all (like Adventures of Link for the NES). This is where it's a constant battle, the entire time, for every single pound. I only know a few people who actually beat Adventures of Link.

    Sometimes they start out really fun and actually kind of easy, but then halfway through they suddenly get incredibly hard, or you have to do all these stupid side missions and then it just gets crazy difficult. This is like the Yoshi game for the DS, or Super Mario Bros. 2 (Bo-bombs made their debut in that game!). This is where the weight just falls off, and then you hit a wall. I get down to my weight fairly easily - 190's, 180's just zip by, and then then I get stuck at the 170's now, 160's before I got pregnant. I usually get frustrated and play the game sometimes, never progress, give it up for awhile, pick it up again for another try, never progress, give it up for awhile, etc... If I kept trying and practicing I might get past a certain level, and I'm always hoping that the place where I was stuck is just super hard, and the rest of the game isn't as intense. But who knows? Never got past level 5.

    Other games will be really great, fun to play, awesome, and not too hard, and then the last level, or the final boss, is just freaking impossible. That's like when people get stuck at the last 10 lbs.

    Moral of the story? I don't have one, except that video games are a great parallel to real life.

    (This was fun, so I'm copying and pasting my comment into my own blog.) :)
    2343 days ago
    Of course it's not easy. Just seemed that way because you were putting in the work and got to a point where it became routine and then you got bored with the routine. Tell 08 to return to whatever circle the quitters reside in (I ought a know, as I'm just as guilty, and out on parole for the past year), and the same goes for those earlier editions.

    12 knows better. Doesn't guarantee a darn thing, of course. But 12 does know better. And the thing we can do is to help keep the routine from becoming...well...routine. Boring. Sonambulent. OK, so the last one isn't really a synonym, but you get the drift, right?

    12 knows better, and 13 is going to put all of them past yous to shame.
    2343 days ago
    I have been doing the same thing up and down, up and down and now for the last three months it has been right with no problems. I can hardly believe it. I am doing a experiment with my psoriasis. I gave up processed sugar to see what effect it would have. I took pictures from the first day, once a month and it really is a differences plus I have the bonus of dropping two dress sizes. I am not weighing.
    It messes me up when I think I should have dropped more. When I get to a clothes size of 10 I will stop and hopely the p will be gone then also.
    Keep up the good work. I have dieted for 30 years and I am ready to finally get it.
    We can all do this.
    2347 days ago
    Everyone else already said it better. These were some powerful words, gal. Sayonara to 998 SexBobOmb, 1991 SexBobOmb and 1989 SexBobOmb- you are not the you that you were back then (how's that find a mind flex?). You can do it.

    Is it easy? Nope, but if it feels that way... don't waste a moment feeling bad about it. You're kicking a$# and taking numbers (or kicking asymptotes and taking numbers, thank you Math Club).
    2348 days ago
    Such a great blog today! I'm really glad I read it because that is exactly exactly exactly what I've felt in the past. I'm on the other side now, this dang weight loss is so SLOW that I'm about ready to give up because if I can only lose 20 pounds in a year I'm going to be fat FOREVER and it's not even worth trying!!

    So I can tell you, this is HARD. It takes determination, discipline, focus, self-respect and self-control. You did NOT waste 30 years being fat, you SPENT 30 years learning how NOT to be fat. Learning about your body and your life and your mind so that eventually (NOW) it would click and you WILL make long as you take it one step at a time and exercise all that determination, discipline, focus, self-respect and self-control that you've learned and earned over the past 30 years.

    Now, stop daydreaming about hitting your goals and MAKE it a reality!! :-D

    Have a great weekend! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2348 days ago
    The main difference between this SEXBOBOMB is she has seen all of the others. She is wiser and more knowledgable than all the others.She wants it more this time and is willing to stick to the plan to stay there this time. She knows how worth it she is. She knows how much work she put in to get the results she wants. She is more awesome than all the others. They are all a part of her,but this version is the best of her.
    2348 days ago
  • MIRAGE727
    DW has shared a thing she heard, "Fake it till you make it!" It's a lot like seeing you at your goal weight. I believe it's elementary in achieving any goal. Envision it, work it, and achieve it! So, daydreaming is quite in line! Don't stop! Stay strong!
    2349 days ago
    You know how I look at being fat? It's like a bad relationship. And I personally don't regret any of those relationships or say why did I waste my time when I could have been happy instead. Because at the time, those relationships gave me something. Whether it was comfort, a boost to my self-esteem, awesome sex or warmth on a cold night. So it wasn't a waste.

    Being fat has rewards. You don't EVER have to watch what you eat. You can consume copious amounts of alcohol without worrying about that morning workout. You NEVER have to exercise. You just sort of float along. Maybe you were only capable in the last 30 years of doing just that. Maybe you didn't need to be skinny. Maybe exactly what you needed was to be fat.

    Now, like a bad relationship, you are ready to move on. You are ready to break-up with fat. It might seem easy now because you are ready but maybe the last 30 years, for you, it was impossible. Don't give in and don't give up. It would be like going back to that guy who slept with your best friend.

    2349 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/15/2012 6:25:03 PM
  • X5X52000
    No way is this weight loss game easy. I call it a game to keep me motivated because i love competition. You are part of a team here and yes you do have some people on this site who are not here to help you, but you can count on the golfman to have your back! I will even get a little kinky and fantasize about WEIGHTLOSS with you emoticon . So emoticon emoticon emoticon !

    2349 days ago
  • ANNANN63
    Some of us spend years being overweight because for some reason(s) we are not yet ready to be thin. None of this is easy or even easy to understand. Just be glad that you are ready now. Truly yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not a promise--all we really have is today. But it is better to spend today eating well and exercising and losing weight wisely because we probably will be around for a lot of tomorrows and we have spent enough of them overweight. You can do this.
    2349 days ago
    Listen up babycakes. There is nothing easy about losing all this weight. Look at all the folks on here who have lost and regained. Look at all the people in the world who are still wandering around aimlessly and hopelessly convinced that it's not possible. To quote the line that's on half of SparkPeople's pages, "If it were easy, we would all be skinny."

    Here's the thing. Weight loss is complicated by layers and layers of different issues. Some of the issues are the same for all of us--for instance, the disinformation stuffed down our throats by greedy money makers eager to sell us the next fad or pill or treatment. Some of these fads have portions of the truth. Yes, simple carbs are bad. Personally, I don't think all carbs are bad, so to me, Atkins goes in the fad pile. Same thing with low fat. Should we restrict our fat intake? Heck yes! But demonizing fat won't solve our problems either. How many generations were suckered into diet pills, or better yet, Speed?

    This journey is like a maze. Even when you have all the twists and turns figured out, finding your way back through it is still difficult.

    You CAN do this. You have to be patient with yourself and love yourself enough to remain dedicated to the journey of reaching AND maintaining your goal.

    I loved your blog. These conversations we have with ourselves never make any sense when aired in the light of day. But they seem perfectly rational in the recesses of our mind.
    2349 days ago
    GO GO GO!!! can i join you?
    2349 days ago
    I think maybe the difference between present day SBO and the SBO of Christmas past is your mental state. I think the #1 thing you have to do to lose weight is get your mind straight about a few things. So even if it now seems "easy", you had to lose and regain over and over so many times to finally wrap your head around this portion control and exercise thing that comes so easily to you now. It's a process, for sure.

    I know for me, I have been obese my entire adult life because I chose to be obese. Why? That's a complicated story. In any case, I'm working now to choose my health and to leave obesity behind me for the rest of my life.
    2349 days ago
    Great blog! And it really isn't easy. Instead of focusing on the negative behind us, we should focus on the potential of positivity in front of us.
    Good luck with everything!
    2349 days ago
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