Thursday, November 15, 2012

I have held this secret for a long time. Now, it's time it comes out.

A long time ago, I read "The Biggest Loser" diet & exercise book. In it, it asks what type of eater you are. I am the classic "closet eater." This means that I secretly eat. I will binge when no one is looking; not even my bf (who loves me no matter what) who I LIVE with knows about this. It's like a drug addiction. I will even lie about what I ate. Afterwards, I feel incredibly guilty and overwhelmed with anxiety.

This is the day I come out of the "closet."

Since starting SP a year ago, I lost 25 pounds and was feeling great. In a matter of 3 months, I have managed to gain back all but 2 of that 25 pounds. I'm back where I said I would never be again. Story of my life.

The other night, after knocking back a few beers, I had quite the buzz. My boyfriend went to bed and I proceeded to make some mac & cheese at 10:00 pm. I then ate the ENTIRE package of macaroni and cheese. THE WHOLE THING. Then, I hid the evidence.

I felt sick to my stomach, literally. Even the next day, I still felt sick. There's still a knot in my tum tum.

So, it's time to acknowledge my problem. Today I begin tracking ALL my food. I can't let myself go again. I'm already filled with guilt and I'm really tired of starting this vicious cycle over and over again.

I am Mea and I am a closet binge eater.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MEA6785
    Thank you everyone for reading my blog and for all your support.
    emoticon emoticon
    3078 days ago
  • HENNYGIRL_2001
    You are not alone in your condition. Start exploring Spark People and you will see there are many people that have the same symptoms, and shame that goes with the disorder. I, myself, have considered myself a compulsive over eater and closet eater. I have learned to control some of this behavior by adapting a low carb way of eating. I don't believe it is something we will ever just be cured of but I believe we can be victors of the disease. Stay positive and stay honest with yourself. If you slip up, get back on track and don't be too hard on yourself. Recognizing the issue is the first step. You can do this and you are not alone!
    3078 days ago
    It's always safe to come here and let it all out. No one will judge you and most of us can relate.

    Tracking is an excellent idea. If you don't want to have to track it, then you probably shouldn't eat it, lol!

    3079 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12869499
    The first step is acknowledging what has brought you here -- so congratulations, I think by getting that off your chest, you are off to a great start! It sounds like you have been successful in the past with losing the pounds, so you know what to do. The next step in this journey is to figure out the why behind it. I know there are support groups and that might be worth checking out at some point. Or possibly talking with a counselor to help figure out the why. Good luck to you -- you are off to a great start today!
    3079 days ago
    emoticon You have made the first step in telling that you are a closet binge eater. I know it must have been hard. But you can continue to work at this. I hope by blogging that your tum tum feels a little better. emoticon emoticon set yourself small goals to reach everyday. When you feel like you need to hide write down what you feel at that time. Later go back and re-read it and you may even get a laugh. That really helped me. I am a emotional eater. You can get back to where you were before and continue to move on. emoticon emoticon This is your first day on your new journey. Judy
    3079 days ago
    Mea that is good to verbalize what your feeling and the problems you are having now the biggest thing to figure out is why. Why do you binge eat? It may be something big or small something that you have forgotten about or you may know. Talk it out before you eat what ever you are about to think of how many calories if you really need and want it. Keep pushing and work hard you will be where you want to be you can do it. Don't hide anymore and feel like your stomach is in knots afterwards because is it really worth it. Good Luck you can do this because it is for you.
    3079 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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