Thursday, November 15, 2012
I have held this secret for a long time. Now, it's time it comes out.
A long time ago, I read "The Biggest Loser" diet & exercise book. In it, it asks what type of eater you are. I am the classic "closet eater." This means that I secretly eat. I will binge when no one is looking; not even my bf (who loves me no matter what) who I LIVE with knows about this. It's like a drug addiction. I will even lie about what I ate. Afterwards, I feel incredibly guilty and overwhelmed with anxiety.
This is the day I come out of the "closet."
Since starting SP a year ago, I lost 25 pounds and was feeling great. In a matter of 3 months, I have managed to gain back all but 2 of that 25 pounds. I'm back where I said I would never be again. Story of my life.
The other night, after knocking back a few beers, I had quite the buzz. My boyfriend went to bed and I proceeded to make some mac & cheese at 10:00 pm. I then ate the ENTIRE package of macaroni and cheese. THE WHOLE THING. Then, I hid the evidence.
I felt sick to my stomach, literally. Even the next day, I still felt sick. There's still a knot in my tum tum.
So, it's time to acknowledge my problem. Today I begin tracking ALL my food. I can't let myself go again. I'm already filled with guilt and I'm really tired of starting this vicious cycle over and over again.
I am Mea and I am a closet binge eater.