Binge :-/

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Monday, I binged for the first time since I began my weight loss journey in March 2011. I've had a few days where I went too high in my calories, over-eating a bit, some binge quality to my eating but not a true binge for over 18 months. It was a pretty good run.

I'm still not entirely sure where it all went off the rails on Monday. It was a stressful day at work, but I have plenty of those. It was an especially long day at work, which I rarely have, and I had brought food for lunch and dinner with me. Before 2, I had eaten all my food already and I knew it was mainly stress related. Still, I figured I'd make it through the long day and have a small meal when I got home of about 200 calories and be ok.

In addition to the stress eating, I did have a good amount of actual hunger. I've been very hungry the past couple of weeks for some reason. When I finally got home, it was after 8. I briefly considered riding my exercise bike for 15 minutes because I recently discovered that helps me feel less like eating too much. But I was tired, I was really hungry and that morning I had done a vigorous hour on the the treadmill. I figured I could skip the bike for the night.

And then after my small meal, I started binging. I didn't even binge on anything approaching delicious or indulgent because I am pretty careful what I let into the house. I knew I was binging. I knew I should stop and yet I didn't until I felt fairly ill.

At that point, I went to bed and had a bad night's sleep.

Recovery strategy: I kept to my new habit of weighing myself every morning and was up 2 lbs. I expected something like that and accepted it. I went for my usual hour walk that morning. I ate very lightly all day and only when I felt truly hungry. I also only ate "real" food, skipping any of the protein bars I like and which were part of the binge the night before. I enjoyed the food I ate and didn't want to any more than I consumed. Then, at my acupuncture appointment (for my arthritis), I asked for some help with appetite control. I figured it might help.

What I learned: While I don't fully understand why this happened after so many months of not giving in to the desire to binge, I have come to a few conclusions. While I definitely do NOT recommend anyone binge, this experience was so unpleasant, even as I was eating (when you'd think there'd be some enjoyment) that right now any idea of over-eating does not appeal to me. That might prove helpful heading into the holidays! :-)

I am impressed by the way my body was able to recover fairly quickly from the assault it suffered. I am renewed in my desire to treat my body with respect, kindness and excellent care. I am not going to gain weight and put increased pressure on my knees. I am going to maintain in my weight range (which I haven't left, despite the 2lb gain) and keep fitting into all my cute new clothes.

I will not go so many hours without eating, especially when I am stressed. I am going to be very careful about what food I bring with me to work since I am much more prone to mindless eating there than I am at home. I'm not going to bring any cereal into the house for now since the binge started with a fairly bland cereal. It is just too easy for me to grab a handful, or two or four of cereal.

And I'm going to ride my darn exercise bike or do some form of exercise for at least 15 minutes the next time I feel like over-eating. I'm going to continue reading Full Filled, which addresses emotional eating and our relationship with food.

So, the binge was a really bad experience but I feel like I have learned a great deal from it, including how much I do not want to go through another binge or any serious over-eating. I love being at this weight. I love how I feel and how much I can accomplish. In a way, the binge has renewed my commitment to healthy living.

I say that, fully aware there will always be some part of me that wants to binge, to treat my body like a garbage disposal. I'm now a little wiser, I hope, in how I can keep that part from taking over again. Wish me luck!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Dang, this was perfect and timely. Thank you.

    1964 days ago
    Another great post! Sounds like you really have it together!
    1969 days ago
    I haven't had cold cereal in the house for years, but your blog brings to mind an advantage of hot cereal: I prepare it in single serving portions. When I'm done, it's more effort to fix another bowl of oatmeal or grits or steel cut oats than just dumping more cold cereal from the box into the leftover milk, then adding more milk.

    I'm not sure how much this has helped me lose and maintain, as I never thought about it before now; but I offer the observation in case you might find it useful.
    1969 days ago
    Wow, you really learned a lot from this one experience. Great job reflecting and being proactive with plans. You definitely sound a whole lot "wiser" and I believe you are!
    1979 days ago
  • KANOE10
    You sound like you have learned some positive things about yurself and are ready to stay on your healthy track. I well know the feeling of eating until you are sick and spending a bad night of sleep do eating. I also know when you are stressed and tired, your old habits resurface.

    Great job on taking positive steps to stay motivated and focused.

    I know you will be successful!
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    1981 days ago
    I also have been really struggling to control my food intake. I not only in fighting binge eating urges for emotion reason but I feel Actual hunger very frequently lately.
    I am often hungrier in the fall. I don't know if it is psychological or instinct.
    Congratulations on counteracting your binge so quickly. Seems like you have good recovery and preventative strategy!
    1982 days ago
    First of all, way to go on not bingeing for so long! Thank you so much for sharing this, I have problems with bingeing a lot (my longest run without bingeing is my current one..4 days).

    Good luck with everything, you can do it! :)

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1983 days ago
    A wonderful post, thank you for sharing.
    To me it's amazing that you managed to not binge for soooo long. Maybe if you have the time, post a bit about how you did that!
    I can relate to the long day, eating all you brought too soon, etc.. I had days like that last year when I had to travel quite a bit to get to a training I was doing. After bingeing once I got home at night a few times, I consciously started picturing myself going through the day, and arriving home feeling content for not overeating. That helped.
    Another thing that I did was make sure I'd eat slowly and really taste my foods. Being away from home, eating with other people and so on really distracted me from realizing I was actually having food! So that contributed to the tendency to binge, also, I think.
    1983 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/15/2012 8:25:29 AM
    The lessons learned seemed extremely positive! You have a great attitude!
    1983 days ago
  • MELLIE1030
    good luck to you.
    1984 days ago
    My eating has been out of control lately, too. I think it is the stress of the upcoming holidays and the cooler weather that has effected me.
    1984 days ago
    Good luck. I always have binge cravings. So far I have not succombed (but I am only 3 weeks in)
    1984 days ago
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