Standing up for myself, and for Ben

Monday, November 12, 2012

I have housemates. One of them is narcissistic, which, believe me, is triggering as all get-out. He's been treating other people in the house very badly, including his wife. But she's a grown woman, if she wants to do something about it, she can.

He's been mostly ignoring me; the only time he said anything since he got back from his monthly Michigan trip was to ask me for something, once. But during the few times he's interacted with Ben, he's had an attitude with /Ben/, and that's not acceptable.

If he does it again, I'm going to say something. He may be able to treat his own family badly, but he can't treat MY family badly. Ben is 5. He's learning. Yes, he's annoying. He's FIVE. If people can't understand that this is his house, too (especially since he was here first), then maybe this isn't the place for them. And I'm going to stand up for myself, and for Ben, and tell him that.

This is scary stuff; I'm not great at confrontation. And I don't know when it's going to happen, but I do know it WILL happen, and there will be consequences. I wish I had some idea what they'll be, but I don't really know, other than lots of yelling and me having to be calm and firm. But it has to be done. I'm not going to live my life afraid of raising my voice at all in my own house, and I'm not going to teach my son that it's ok for people to treat each other like this.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Breathe. I know a lot of what you are going through, and I'm certain there is more. Protect you son, protect yourself. And when you do confront the situation, keep your feet firmly planted and your wits on straight. Don't let your emotions get the better of you, logic.
    2048 days ago
    emoticon Stand up for you and Ben!
    2048 days ago
    Judy, he is acting out, partially because he's 5, but partially because he sees how they treat each other.

    The reason it's gone on this long is because I'm still learning how to stand up for myself, as my mother was narcissistic and trained me well (unfortunately). Reprogramming that is really hard, but I'm working on it. Also, the situation has gotten worse; it hasn't always been this bad.

    Kalantha, I suspect that this situation will be worse than I can imagine, but it can't be worse than watching Ben treat this as "normal". Not to mention the stress on me and my husband. Thank you for your kind words; they're helping give me strength to deal with it! :)
    2048 days ago
    That sounds rough.

    Think about what you want to get out of the confrontation. Perhaps that will help make the right words come to you.

    I think you're right about needing to be strong but firm.

    As for the consequences . . . I always try to think of the worst that could possibly happen and prepare to deal with that. I can't think of any situation that was ever as bad as I thought it would be, which makes the actual confrontation seem easy.

    I do know one thing . . . the longer the situation drags out, the harder it will be to deal with.

    I wish you and Ben the best. (You're right about not wanting him to learn that it's okay for anyone to treat him badly. Or you, for that matter.)

    2048 days ago
    There is NO way I would allow any one to be disrespectful to my child ( I do not have any ) However I seen enough with adults being bullies to kids. You said if he does it again you will say something, there NEVER would have been a second time it would have been the very first time. You do not need your young son seeing someone treat others badly, he could start to act out from seeing this & think it is acceptable because no one is stopping this person.You MUST put a stop to this, this person needs to leave. Save your son & yourself
    2048 days ago
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