lessons learned (part 1)
Monday, November 12, 2012
October was a busy month. Lots of traveling. I spent one night in Mississippi, several nights in Louisiana, one night in Alabama, one night in Tennessee, and two nights in St. Louis. Whew. I'm tired just thinking about it!
The trip to Louisiana was to reconnect with family. It was wonderful to see my uncles (one divorced, one widowed) and several of my cousins. Sis and I will see them at least once a year from now on.
We'd lost touch because mom quit speaking to her brother and sister. Not some major blowout. Mom and her sis (who passed away December 2011) always were back and forth. My aunt was not the easiest person to get along with, but mom isn't either. Mom and her brother were very close. She stopped speaking to him because “I'm always the one to call him. He never calls me.” Seriously? That may be a reason to stop seeing somebody you are dating or a casual friend, but your family? Craziness, IMO.
Mom still doesn't know that we went out there. I keep praying that she'll just let go of the anger. She'd be so much happier if she did. Mom sees herself as a happy person, and on the surface she is. But that surface has gotten more and more shallow over the years. She can go from smiling to growling in a nanosecond. And you never know what will set her off. I'm pretty sure that's due to holding on to years of grudges.
I'm pretty good at holding on to those myself, but I do eventually let go. It may take years, but when I finally come to terms with it, I can feel the weight lifted from my shoulders. After I originally blogged about mom & her holding on to anger, I had a dream about my former boss (the only person I was still really harboring hard feelings about). In the dream, I saw him and he was so furious with me after all these years. I thought that was silly and kept asking him, “why are you still so angry?” When I woke up, my first thought was, “see how stupid that was? You are talking about mom...and YOU need to let go of some things too!” I felt like the heavens parted and the sun came through the clouds. I have seen the man once since I left that job (DH still works for him) and I was cordial but distant. Now I could actually be pleasant and converse with him.
Yes, God...message received and lesson learned!
More to come in my next blog...