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11/11/12 WUB

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Well, as you know I had a pretty good Tuesday. I'm still proud of that day. But I'm not proud of the rest of the week. In fact, I'm pretty pissed at myself for the choices I've made. I have not honored my body very well this last week and I really need to change that. My body deserves better than I give it and so do I. I'm still working on the self abuse. Like this morning I called myself a fat @$$ for making the choices I did this week and for gaining so much. Definitely not a nice thing to say to yourself. I should be saying "I didn't try as hard this week, so this week I will try even harder" instead of calling myself mean names. I'm working on it. Rome wasn't built in a day. But yes, I made very poor choices. I took days off of working out when I shouldn't have, tried to make them up the next day and tired myself out, I ate things I shouldn't have, including things that have gluten in it and making myself sick, and I haven't been making myself a very big priority, or at least I don't think I have. I guess I'm just on a bit of a depressive low after going through all these old demons of mine and I'm trying to work my way through that. And it doesn't help to have to go to a job I HATE on a daily basis where the mental abuse continues on an outside level. I am working on getting out of there, though. I have this book where it lists all kinds of legitimate work at home crafting jobs that I can do and if it works out, I'll be making more than I do now, I won't be spending half my rent on gas, and I'll get away from that physically, mentally, and emotionally toxic working environment. I already signed up for one of them and if it works out good enough, I hope to quit at the end of the year and add more on. I'm down, and I'm not doing my best, but I'm not out yet. I've been through too much to give up now. I'm just extremely frustrated with myself and how I see success and then sabotage myself. It's a cycle that must end. Anyway, I think that's it for an update on what's going on in my life right now. On to how I did on my goals this last week, or lack thereof.

Nutrition: I think I only stayed in range twice this last week. And I had fast food a lot of the times that I didn't stay in range. Spending money I don't have and eating gluten and TONS of salt and sugar and things my body shouldn't be digesting. I am ashamed of how I behaved with food this week.

Fitness: As I said before, I'd skip days and then make it up the next day and tire myself out, but I got in the work outs. So, I got in the equivalent of 6 days worth of exercising in. Better than I've been doing but I do need to work on getting myself out of bed and working out when I'm supposed to, not skipping and then wearing myself out later.

Meditation: I only got in two this week. I really must work harder on making this a priority. Especially with my job. This will help me a lot with the stresses and that.

Get below 260: I said above that I gained this week, but I didn't say how much. I gained 4.2 pounds this week, so I'm up to 265.2. 5.2 pounds to go before I reach this goal. *sigh* Very frustrated.

Well, that's it for this WUB. I hope everyone else is doing well. Keep sparking!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • EUEK098
    It's a work in progress, glad to see you're working on the self attitude, and try your your best, if you fall off then get back on and try again, be positive!
    1987 days ago
    Try not to look at the big picture as it's overwhelming. Just make a plan and even small steps toward change so that it's more manageable. I could write a book on toxic work environments since I used to hit them all. Nearly killed me with stress. So I hope you make it out of there.

    Love that kitten you rescued. So sweet. And thanks much for your goodie and supportive message.
    1989 days ago
  • MOLLZ007
    Dont sweat it- next week you can start over! We all have bad weeks sometimes. emoticon Good luck!!
    1989 days ago
    You ARE making some good choices - two days in range is better than none - and it will help you be successful if you can focus on all the good things you ARE doing. It's easier to make good choices when you feel you're having success than when you feel success is unusual. Remember where you started this journey? You ARE a success.
    1989 days ago
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