When the scale goes up
Sunday, November 11, 2012
I was on the wagon for awhile, then hopped off when I got pregnant with my second child. A little while after he was born, I jumped back on - but then the world went to hell and I got bucked off my wagon. My brother had a heart attack a week before his 28th birthday, and while that should have scared me enough to stay on... Well. Dealing with him, and his appointments and the hospital just kept me so busy I couldn't get to the gym, and of course since I couldn't get to the gym I thought, well. Why not just eat junk? It's fast, it's easy, it tastes good.
I know. I know - you're shaking your head, aren't you? But you also know how easy it is to fall into that trap. You miss a couple days at the gym and eat a couple of days worth of crappy food and all of a sudden you've messed up so badly and for some reason you think that's it. If you can't be perfect, why try at all?
Life got busy there for awhile. My brother was sick, my son started school, so I thought... I just don't have time to be healthy. I know, logic would have been I didn't have time to be sick. What if it had been me with the heart attack? I live in this false safety bubble that because it's only the men of my family that have had heart attacks, and because I don't smoke, I wouldn't have one, but that's not true.
Anyway, I got back on the bandwagon. At first, I was going to start slow - and quit drinking soda. I had cut way back from my 12 pack a day habit (yeah, it was all I drank.) to a couple of diet and a regular or two on the weekend, but I didn't need it, so I wanted to cut it out.
Then I decided if I was cutting it out, why not eat better too? And when the weight melted off quickly (11 lbs my first week!) I thought, well let's add in some working out. My first goal (before my brother's heart attack) was to be down to my pre-pregnancy weight before my son's second birthday. His birthday was three weeks away and I was now 11 lbs away from that goal.
I know it's ambitious, but the 11 lbs that seemed to just vanish overnight made me feel like it was possible. I wasn't going to beat myself up if it didn't happen, but being so close, well. Why not try?
So this week I added in some working out. I was so excited to weight in - I use the scale at my Mom's house for a couple of reasons - the scale at my house is wonky (I'll step on and it'll tell me I've lost 20 lbs in a day. I step off and back on again and it tells me I've gained 10 lbs from what it just told me.) I need to buy a new one, but I find if I just use the one at my Mom's, I can only weigh myself once a week while I'm there - and then I'm not obsessing over the scale.
Well. Imagine my surprise to find out that her scale has told me that I have gained 2 lbs. It's frustrating, of course. I don't understand what happened, really. I've been amazing on my diet, I haven't worked out long enough for it to be muscle weight. It's only my second week back and so... Why gain?
I might have caved right then - but we had to leave. My Mom, sister and I had a day of shopping planned, but suddenly I wasn't looking forward to it as much. Two pounds! Where the hell did you come from? I was sulking a bit, and my bad mood was about to get even worse when we got to the first store - a plus sized consignment shop - to find that they had nothing cute in my size. They had cute things in sizes bigger than me. Cute things in sizes smaller than me. But everything in my size was gaudy and covered in sequins (What is WITH that anyway? My large butt doesn't need to be covered in sequins - people can see it without extra attention being drawn to it!) I really needed pants. Badly. And I knew that if I couldn't find them here, I'd have to go to a plus size store and pay way more.
There was a cute pair a size smaller. But I had gained two pounds. There's no way.
My sister and Mom convinced me to try them - if they didn't fit, they didn't fit, and I wouldn't be out anything. I figured my mood couldn't get much worse, so to shut them up, I took them in.
They fit great.
I don't know why I'm two pounds heavier. I also don't know where those two pounds went, because they most certainly didn't go to my waist - which now fits a jean size smaller than I currently am wearing :-)