Eliminating Poison In My Life In More Ways Than One.

Friday, November 09, 2012

So, lately in not having a computer and having spent lots of time running, I have done lots of thinking. I have realized how much toxic stuff I put into my body, and I am not talking just food. I am talking, feelings and people AND literally stuff in my body.

I used to have days where I talked down to myself, and those are pretty much non exsistant, even on days when I do have a binge, I cut myself some slack and say it is one time right now, not another moment and move on, I am human and this habit certainly didn't form in 2 years, it will probably take a long time to totally go away. I life with feelings of guilt that feel awful to me about the time I take to myself. Lately especially I keep having this reoccuring thought about how here I have improved my own life by taking charge and taking time to myself, now my two older kids seem to be struggling so much, did I do the wrong thing? Am I taking too much? Should I be home with them right now instead of out here in 35*F weather running? I usually try to put an end to that with the thoughts of I need to be stronger for everyone in my family, my kids, my husband and myself included. If I am not strong, I will not be of much assistance to them somewhere down the road in someway.

I also had some pretty non supportive people in my life. I was told they were superficial by my husband (I hate when he is right). This started before I lost weight though, this started when I got pregnant and had a baby and none of them had babies. I was put out of the loop. The older Samuel got, the more I tried to get back in, but nothing seemed to work. In the mean time I had two friends that I didn't think were all that close to me rise up with the birth of my son and it brought me closer to them. Even when I started losing weight, I tried to get in with them and it never worked. I have realized that I don't need those people in my life anymore. I don't need to run circles around anyone to be accepted. If they don't like that my life is a little different with a younger child, or that I am smaller and have different goals and outlooks on life. So be it, I have really learned who my true friends are. Same thing goes with my relationship with my daughter, not that I am ending it by any means, but I have learned that her attitude doesn't need to impact me anymore. I am learning to step back and realize that she is old enough to learn from the mistakes if she is choosing to do things on her own and not listening to my husband and I.

I try to stay away from refined foods, I know they are bad for me, but for me if I worry about that right now on top of my own weight/food issues on top of my kid/life issues, it will probably send me straight to the looney bin. I always think that clean eating sounds appealing and I tell you BIG HUGE cheers to those of you have done it and found a way to happily do that, I wish I could be so strong. I just can't imagine my life right now making that big of a change. But I can start eliminating other toxins in my body, or as my son told me yesterday, poisons.

"Mom do you know your putting poisons into your body?" Upon watching me put my two splenda into my tea.....

"Yes, James I do realize that." Upon sitting down and drinking my tea.....then the wheels started turning......

It isn't about eliminating things all at once, this too is just like learning a healthier new lifestyle change, it is part of the process if you want it to be.

About four months ago (I wish I had written down the date cuz I don't really remember) I gave up diet soda from my day. I wasn't drinking tons, maybe 1 a day and sometimes 2. But I did see one thing.....when I was stressed, I would have the diet soda and then it usually ended up making me want to eat more. Almost like the sweetness of the soda, made me crave more sweet stuff. So, I gave it up. At that time I tried to eliminate articfical sweetners all together, but it just couldn't happen. I felt like it was too much and I felt like I was missing out on stuff I enjoyed (my teas and splenda in my yogurt) so back they came to my life.

Last night when James said something about it, I realized that I am using about 5-10 packets a day depending on what I am eating. I have at least 2 mugs of tea a day with 2 packets, and sometimes (especially lately I have three mugs, gotta stay warm somehow). If I have a yogurt, I have another packet. If I have oatmeal, I have two more packets. Yogurt and oatmeal are pretty much daily staples of mine as well, that is 10 packets of splenda. That is way too much. I agreed to him to cut back, the more I think about it the more I am thinking, why bother cutting back, might as well give them up all together. I am currently out of packets anyhow, so no better time. I am going to add 1 tsp. brown sugar to my oatmeal and try the yogurt with cinnamon or vanilla extract? I might have to add sugar to that as well though. As for my teas I am going to start with 1 tsp per cup I have. I think it will be less sweet than I am used to, but the other side to this is I don't want to use 10 tsp of sugar a day either. Right now I can use the calories anyhow, since I am still struggling to up my calories.

I am a work in progress, never a dull moment in my head or body where there is room for improvements!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great for giving up soda and all the realization.
    In fact, I just got aware reading your blog about all the achievements I made for myself, also similar.
    Thanks for sharing it and keep it up!
    2032 days ago
    You sound like you are doing great! Really great!

    I too have been confronted, gently, by my 30-yr old daughter about one issue after another (artificial sweetners, organic fruits and veggies, cutting back on meat, etc). Some I didn't (want to) hear at first, but they percolate in the back of my brain, and I find I slowly start incorporating some new ideas/habits into my life.

    I gave up diet soda about two years ago -- huge, huge change for me. Forty-year habit (Tab anyone?) Now I never have it in the house, so my husband rarely drinks it either. On rare occasion he will have one when we are out, and I taste it -- AND CAN'T STAND THE TASTE! Lots of poison gone as a result. I drink coffee and tea either with real sugar or with honey. Better to exercise a little more to use the real stuff, than put chemicals in your body.

    So enjoy the transitions -- it's amazing how they creep into your life and suddenly two years later you realize your body is healthier -- and possibly your family too.
    2039 days ago
    Good to see that you're dumping what's weighing you down!
    2043 days ago
    Look at you making so many positive changes, mental and physical! I am super impressed. But you are always impressive, Tracey.

    Sometimes I use xylitol, which is more natural than sucralose. But I've gotten to the point in my life where I'm not afraid of sugar. I'd rather use just a little pure cane sugar than all the artificial stuff.

    Keep on. You're amazing.
    2045 days ago
  • DR8561
    Glad you're back! I also cut way back on the artificial sweeteners. I find I feel better without them. You're smart to cut out as much stress as you can and save your time for the people who support you. emoticon
    2050 days ago
  • RADAMS0408
    I struggle with some of the same issues you are having, you are not alone in your thoughts and struggles! With the splenda, I have learned to cut down and here is what works for me: I only use splenda in coffee. I buy Yogi Tea which has a very sweet taste on its own so that I don't have to put anything extra in it (the throat comfort and bedtime are the best in my opinion). I also buy frozen wild blueberries and put about 1/8 of a cup in everything: yogurt, oatmeal, fiber cereal, etc... I will sometimes even cut up strawberries very small and do the same thing so that I am getting some sweet from natural food. Raisins and craisins may also work for you but they are higher calories. Very quickly I got used to the taste and have not needed any additional sweeteners since. Hope this helps!
    2050 days ago
  • DALID414
    I have a diabetic friend who orders a regular iced tea, then adds 2 packets of Splenda to it, I've told him just to order the raspberry iced tea! Somehow he feels the Splenda option is better!
    2050 days ago
    your blog made me think a lot relationship with daughters why run after one if she wants me she knows where I am



    7 not to be bullied by the other. Plenty food for thought thanks
    2050 days ago
    OK, you've made me think! And I appreciate that! As always, your blogs help me recommit to getting healthier. Have a great day! emoticon
    2050 days ago
    It was great to read your news! Good luck with your new plan!
    emoticon emoticon
    2051 days ago
    Very good! I'm proud of you. And I had to give up diet soda as well. It made me long for hose forbidden foods.
    2051 days ago
    Very good! I'm proud of you. And I had to give up diet soda as well. It made me long for hose forbidden foods.
    2051 days ago
    These are all positive changes, and that's awesome!
    2051 days ago
    It is hard to change as i'm finding out but it can be down it just takes time. I'm glad and happy for you that you are realizing that taking little steps will lead to big steps evantally. You can do this. emoticon
    2051 days ago
  • MARYANN2323
    I have to agree about the honey. It is, in fact, good for you. If you use the unpasturized types and the darker the better, you will be getting a lot of antioxidants and bacterial fighting compounds.
    As for feeling guilty about not spending more time with your kids, think or it like this: you may be forgoing small blocks of time daily but you are adding years to your life, which means a lot more time for them in the long run. emoticon
    2051 days ago
    try adding honey, or some fruit and a little cinnamon to your yogurt.
    OR! you could try Soy Yogurt which has a richer sweeter flavour with none of the sweetner in sight.
    I just have to have some sweetex with my tea- but other than that emoticon

    If you take care of you you'll be in a great place to help those around you- that much stronger! and I totally agree with DAUGHTEROFTWIN

    2051 days ago
    I find that using fruit to sweeten my yogurt works for me. a ripe banana adds a lot of sweetness to plain yogurt and provides you with potassium as well. A little bit of cinnamon is nice too. If you brew your tea on the week side it is easy to cut back on the sweetness needed. I generally don't add any sweetener to tea although I absolutes have to add a tsp of sugar to my coffee. I do think sweets drive desire to eat. Food manufacturers sure think so they add sugar to everything!

    2051 days ago
    What about buying the granulated form of sweeteners and gradually adding less and less? You'll probably find that things will begin to taste overly sweet when you get most of the sweeteners out. A lot of people say they have extra cravings when they consume sweeteners, if you get chance Google it.

    I'm glad you are feeling comfortable in your decisions and you are right that you have to look after yourself to look after others emoticon
    2051 days ago
    I had a Splenda habit too, just like yours. I would put 3 packets in a mug of tea, and I would have several mugs a day. And 2-3 packets in my oatmeal several times a week.

    Quitting cold turkey didn't work for me. Instead I gave myself 3 months and slowly reduced how much I used. In January I reduced to no more than 2 packets per tea; in February only 1 packet; in March none. That way I was able to acclimate to it's absence without triggering withdrawals and subsequent binge, and get used to the taste of tea/oatmeal without it.

    In April I decided I still wanted some sweetness so I switched to a packet stevia instead, or a pure sugar cube, instead of the artificial sweeteners. So now I have the calories from the sugar cubes instead (and yes, I know sugar is technically "poison" in our bodies as well, but it's still better than Spenda). But I figure it's a good trade off, and the real sugar doesn't seem to drive the cravings for more sweets (at least for me anyway, not sure how anyone else would react).

    Good luck on cutting back on the Splenda!
    2051 days ago
    Another idea is honey in your tea, a little closer to nature than white sugar. Or even stevia? Holy moly 2 blogs in one day! :p So glad to see you back.
    2051 days ago
  • POPSY190
    You are doing pretty well in difficult circumstances. Issues with "friends" and family members are far more deep-seated than we realize and take a long time to resolve or come to terms with. You are on the right track with the food - changing things one at a time. It took a while but I found bananas good for sweetening things like oatmeal, together with ginger, cinnamon and essences. Take care emoticon
    2051 days ago
    I am so very proud of you! You are making one beautiful revelation after another! This is fabulous. Makes me want to "snoopy dance".

    Good luck on giving up the Splenda. Sweet is so hard! Somehow, I'm certain you can do it!
    2051 days ago
    Great blog! You are absolutely right. You don't have to change everything at once. Small changes and just identifying the other poisons in your life can lead to big changes. It really stinks when our kids get to the age we can't, and shouldn't, protect them from all of life's consequences. As a parent, it's our natural instinct to protect them. Your children will have to learn some of life's lessons themselves. That's what growing up is about. Letting them is sometimes what being a good parent is about. Hugs to you. I know it's not easy. Leave time for yourself.
    2051 days ago
    Definitely food for thought!! I have been slowly trying to cut out Poisons, of the "food" variety, people AND that voice in my head!!
    2051 days ago
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