Of all the things I've lost...

Thursday, November 08, 2012

...I miss my mind the most. (Mark Twain) If anyone finds my mind please return it! A lot of people find the holiday season stressful. I am one of those people. It is by far my least favorite time of year. If it weren't for my kids, I would pretend Thanksgiving and Christmas (we celebrate as a family holiday as opposed to a religious holiday, but we do celebrate Yule) didn't exist. I have many reasons for this. Instead of going into those reasons why I am going to stress out, I am going to give my reasons why I am going to plaster a smile on my face and try to be as happy as I'm acting.
1) I have 2 little girls that deserve to have the happy childhood memories of Christmas like I do. I hope that the memories we make won't become bittersweet like my own.
2) My husbands nephew Austin. At 20, he hasn't made the best life choices. But he wants to change. That change is starting now while he is locked up and, hopefully, will continue when he gets out Dec 21. He is moving in with us, over an hour away from where he is from. I want to give him a good Christmas to let him know as long as he follows the rules, he has a real home with us.
3)My wonderful husband Shane. Last year he had to deal with a hormonal wife, a frustrated newborn and a nearly 2 year old that was getting used to not being an only child (BTW, we are still dealing with that!). On top of all that his dad's birthday is in Dec. Last year was the first birthday/Holidays since his dad passed. This year he deserves the time to mourn that he didn't have last year.
4) My parents. There is a lot of strain between my sister and I. Always has been. We just have very different personalities and ways of dealing with things. Currently, we also have little to no contact with our brother. Let me put it this way, as my brother I will always love him but as a person I just can't respect him or have him in my life right now. All this is causing a lot of strain on my parents, especially mom. They understand why my sis and I feel this way, even feel it themselves to an extent. But he is also their son. I just want my parents to not have to worry about a huge blowout Christmas morning.
Those are my reasons for my fake cheer this year. I'm not promising there won't be stress or a few meltdowns, but I will keep it away from all of them. It's not theirs to deal with. It's mine and I will own it.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hugs to you, Holidays are hard. You have great reasons to be upbeat even though you dont feel it.

    I personally also struggle with having fake cheer. I have many of the same struggles albeit with out the children. I try each year to either build upon newly acquired traditions that have worked -- or we try something new. Separate get togethers or small excursions with specific family for example have helped ease some of the chaos.

    I think holidays are especially difficult because we are conditioned or re-strained/oppressed to think that there is only one way to celebrate. It's your holiday celebrate it how you want - there are no rules. I hope that you have a few highlights that have real cheer involved. Hold on to those.
    2321 days ago
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