So, I'm going to post about my day before I forget even though normally I do it when I wake up. I had a crummy day in terms of mood. I just feel like everything went wrong. I know in reality that it didn't, but it felt that way. I got up and had the best intentions of doing exercise first thing. I decided to try out my Zumba Fitness 2 game for the Wii. I love to dance so I thought it would be fun.
I picked the lowest intensity for the short class and got through 4 songs before finally giving up in frustration because it was so hard. I couldn't breathe, I was guzzling water (not a bad thing) and I was sweating buckets. I then discovered that because I quit, it didn't count it as having done anything. GRRRR.....so I originally (while frustrated) said that I wouldn't play this again until I'm in shape. Now I think I'll play it but I won't do a class until I'm ready. I'll just do individual songs for as long as I can.
Then after this was all over, I decided to take a break and eat breakfast (not too bad, but not the healthiest). I then started to look up the bus schedule to find out how to get to work in case I didn't have the car. I started having an anxiety attack (not a full blown panic attack but still pretty bad). I was crying and couldn't stop and my heart was racing. So, I called work saying I didn't think I'd make it. I then called Kendra who helped calm me down within about 30 minutes. This all happened like 2 hours before I actually had to leave for work. Mervin then came home and he held me for a bit and made me feel more calm.
Because of all this commotion, I didn't eat much all day because I was nervous/anxious which makes me nauseous. So, I had only eaten a little over 500 calories so far. I tried to eat something but I still wasn't hungry so I ate another 500 calories of snack foods (dried apricots, almonds, etc). Not all of it was healthy, but some of it was. I still had 1300 calories or so left for the day and I went to work.
I made it through my entire shift (though I felt like throwing up a few times). I felt so proud of myself when I was done that I decided to treat myself to Wendy's. I definitely had the calories for it. LOL. So, I ate what I wanted from their menu (Son of Baconator with Just ketchup....ie no mayo....large fries and diet coke). I am still within calories for the day and thus it was a success. Here is the actual list though to see how I did:
1. Do 30 min cardio - did = 1
2. Track food - did = 1
3. Drink 8 cups water - did = 1
4. Brush Teeth - did = 1
5. Go to work - did = 1
1. Do dishes - did not do = 0
2. Relax for 15 min - did = 1
3. Stay within calorie range - did = 1
4. Eat 2 freggies (lowered to try to be more consistent) - did = 1
5. Have a shower - did not do = 0
8/5 = 160% So, I didn't have a bad day in terms of my list.
I just need to work on not panicking so much. I know I can do it. I am on a back to work program by the way. I'm slowly working my way back up to full time (trying to conquer this anxiety). So, I started out with 2 days at 4 hour shifts. I'm now up to 4 days at 5 hour shifts. The next step (in a few weeks probably) is to add another day so I'm working the right amount of days. Then I can add an hour at a time until I'm up to full time. I can do it! I know I can. Here is the list for tomorrow (another work day):
1. Do 30 min strength training -
2. Track food -
3. Drink 8 cups water -
4. Brush Teeth -
5. Go to work -
1. Do dishes -
2. Relax for 15 min -
3. Stay within calorie range -
4. Eat 2 freggies (lowered to try to be more consistent) -
5. Have a shower -
I am going to have a good day. I know I can!