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Wasted time...time....time.
...time...and time again.

Sunday, November 04, 2012

When I look back to when I first became a sparks member way back in January 2007, I realize that I have been here for 5 years. Much as I was over the moon about finding this program and so motivated, I look back and see how I have failed myself.

The worst part is, when I first googled diets etc I found a comment by someone on sparks at that time who referred to himself as CHOCOHOLIC (and happy to be). He maintained that he ate a slab of chocolate every day for lunch and drank a soda. He admitted that it wasn't the best place to get his nutrition from, but also refused to give it up. It still took him only 1 yr to lose ALL his weight, by tracking the chocolate and soda in before working out the rest of his eating plan for the day.

I was SO IMPRESSED and joined immediately.......lost 20kgs and then regained every last one. Each year I lose it, and gain it all before the end of the same year. A sad, hollow pattern.

If I'd just stuck with the program, I should be dead from anorexia after 5 yrs right?

Well, people keep saying "don't beat yourself up" ..... maybe its time to beat myself up!
But of course, that can't be done either.

Moving on.....I have restarted and been doing pretty well lately - AGAIN.

In time (after 10kgs loss) I will re-institute some exercise. For the moment, my knee is just too painful for anything serious. I am using a ball to work out on, and I'm walking short distances, such a far cry from my mini extreme challenges I was doing. Sigh.

So....once more....I try again. You never never know which restart will be "the one" that makes it all come together.

Time to drop some unnecessary emotional baggage so that I can do what I need to get done.

Thing is, I so love chatting to the friends I have made here, but this program isn't all about that. It's about finding like minded people and sharing our progress, difficulties etc and LOSING weight. On top of that, ITS FREE. What a waste if I don't make it work. Anywhere else, you'd pay a small fortune for all the information, videos, nutritionists, dietitians etc. We are privileged to get it for nothing.

One fresh start for this old girl.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow, your reflection is the same as mine only I started in October of 2007 not January. It's taken this long for us to realize that this in not a diet, it's a change in mind. It's a matter of deciding to make things better for ourselves. I do have my treats that I enjoy, but I have 1 serving (actual serving size) instead of a serving that is meant for 2 or 3 people. I feel great about the decisions I'm making now, and for me, it helps that my hubby is right beside me walking the same path.

    Wishing you continued success on this journey we call life.

    1974 days ago
    Hi! If you look at my page, you'll see I've been here a long time, too. I just looked back through my weigh-in info and when I joined here in Oct 2006 I weighed 338. I got up to 444 by Oct 2011. Over 100 pounds gained and I'm not much better at 408 now.

    The one thing I have not done regularly (barely at all) in all that time is exercise.

    So, here I am back on Sparkpeople AGAIN and this time I am concentrating on only one thing: doing at least 5 minutes of exercise every single day. My legs are very heavy. I would not be surprised if each leg weighs 100 pounds. It's hard to walk, never mind exercise, but I am doing all I can using chair exercises, and for lower body, I stand behind my couch and put one hand on the back and use my cane in my other hand and do what I can, like slow leg lifts, kicks to the front, kicks to the back, kicks to the side.

    I will do what I can. I hope I have time left, as I will turn 50 next month.

    I have always overwhelmed myself by trying to do everything at once (counting calories, tracking my food, writing down my emotions, exercising, etc etc etc) and then I lose it because I "mess up" one of those things and go back to emotional binge eating.

    I just wanted to share my story and maybe there is one thing that you know you haven't done in all the attempts, one missing piece. If so, maybe focus on that for awhile until you feel like it's becoming a habit.

    You are not alone. I'm cheering for you as loudly as I can.

    No matter what NEVER EVER EVER GIVE UP.

    1987 days ago
    We all do it! every winter I gain - and then come summer and holidays used to be so angry with myself imagining how comfortable I would feel on the beach if I had stuck to it. But no longer get angry - just think well thank goodness I lost the weight before gaining it otherwise I would have been even heavier
    1988 days ago
    I am sorry things have not went well with you lately, but so glad you have come here. I have been here one month, but it took a couple weeks to join the JW's team. Just never put a connection between the two.

    I hope you can stick with this. It is a good place to put down your thoughts on this subject and get your sisters' return thoughts and support. I know I love my sisters, but I just don't think I could ever be the type of person to sit and talk about these matters with them. I'd be to embarrassed to admit that I can't control my weight or my eating. Maybe that will come later. I have only recently admitted it to Spark people.

    Please stay in contact. I'm sure we will get our goals accomplished together if we call on Jehovah for guidance and strength.
    1990 days ago
    Good luck to you Celest!
    You can do it.
    1992 days ago
    On a recent shepherding visit with our CO He shared an account found at 1 Samuel 30. When you have the opportunity to read it understand that when Jehovah views us he takes into account the things we CAN DO not the things we can't. So he views us positively always. We beat ourselves for the things we can't do or haven't done. To stay positive take the small steps and be happy with them, look at the small number 1-2 lbs a week or month even, not the amount we want to lose or where we want to be. Every time you attain that small number you have reason to be happy and you'll be happy about it more often. Losing weight can be like climbing a mountain and yet doing that is just like everything else in life we need to deal with, one step at a time!
    Most who try to take big steps or skip steps either fall or fail to continue. Even with small steps we can fall, but it's easier to get right back up and continue....Celest look at what you've done and smile, be happy with what you do to benefit yourself, family and others. Before you know it you will have reached your goal.. On top of that mountain letting the world know "I DID IT"! emoticon
    1992 days ago
  • MAMADEE016
    Celeste, sister I am so totally with you! :)
    I have been on SP for 6 years and 7 months... I've lost & I've gained back & lost again & so on. Overall I am down almost 60 pounds from my highest weight ever but I'm truly not where I'd thought I'd be at this time. emoticon I really truly do! It's everything you've said it is! And I too love all the friends I've met here. :)
    Time for me to make much better use of all SP has for us!
    You are not alone!
    WE are not alone!
    So, remember this: it's not so much what/who knocks you down that determines success, it's how/when you get back up again. As long as you keep getting back up and going at it again you will be successful! :)
    1992 days ago
    Right there with you Celest emoticon

    Hugs Mary
    1992 days ago
    emoticon Slow progress is STILL Progress. And I know that you have Learned A Lot in your time here. There is No Limit on "Re-Starts" and each time you are moving forward with a little more in your Arsenal.
    emoticon As Bookwerme mentioned you HAVE been dealing with many tough issues - and you are continuing to deal with them. That makes Your Journey Unique. You cannot fall in to the Trap of comparing your journey to others.
    1993 days ago
    emoticon emoticon

    love your butterfly motivator

    here are some more words

    ' nothing tastes as thin feel'

    so you ate junk today -- hows that working for you ??

    I love these little sayings ---they are in my head so I keep walking forward

    here is the best

    I have quit so many times and started over
    so never never quit and never never give up
    then you will never have to start over ...

    I believe if you want it you will do it
    -so want it really bad
    - for your health for you then for your family.

    hugs Jo
    1993 days ago
    It's all free, except for the work it costs us. We have to do our part with what SP gives. Use the reports to find your trends...look for where you went off track each time and started to gain back, so that maybe you can avoid that pitfall this time. If you know what's coming, you should be able to prepare for it, so that you can overcome.
    1993 days ago
    Celeste', you also know (and mentioned) all the OTHER stuff you have had going on in your life...I can't detail all of them..but I know YOU know. Adopting and losing a grandson, the birth of Axel, the family issues whatever all they have been...all of those things generate stress to your mind and body. Some of those things are so stressful that we eat to protect our emotions...I don't know why the connection, but it is there. You are not alone in this dilemma.

    I joined SP in Feb. or 2007 (had to look it up..can't believe it has been five yrs!). I have lost and gained and lost the same pounds over and over. Finally broke the pound barrier a few weeks ago...but it took a change of some kind to get some kind of change in results.

    Try to find some small changes you can make that don't require huge amounts of emotional energy...your family still has an emotional rough road ahead. Emotions can totally sidetrack your efforts in any other area of your life. Look for consistency so you don't keep going up and down. If you can get a few kgs down and hold it there..that is great progress. Then go for one or two more. Exercise with pain is not functional for your knees or whatever...so find other ways to get your heart rate up. Put on the music you love to dance to...and then be the band director...conduct. You get a great cardio workout that way..and you can do it sitting. There are many workouts of folks who need to sit. Surely you can find something you can do for even just one minute at a time...and then do it repeatedly whenever you think of it. For me it was climbing a flight of stairs...about one minute. But then I tried for five in one day..then ten...now my goal is one day to get to 20...though I mostly just get ten a day...but it works. (I am not suggesting stairs for you..just giving it as an example.) Once you get that going, find something else (for me..jogging or stepping in place to a count of 100...reaching for the goal of 100000 steps a day).

    You have the means, the knowledge and the desire...but you also have handicaps of emotional stuff in your life...and more to come. So, you have to find what YOU can manage (never mind what anyone else achieves or strives for.) It doesn't matter how long it takes or how many repeats we do...so long as we don't give up...and we don't let it take us ever higher and higher.

    YOU CAN DO THIS. We love you..and we are all here to help and to cheer you on! Go, Celeste' emoticon
    1993 days ago
    This is my second round also and it takes time to process new changes and really accept them as necessary to reach our goals. I gained all my wight back also. I am really looking hard at my poor habits and slowly but surely finding ways to replace them with healthier behaviors.
    1993 days ago
    Thanks for the emoticon in the pants!
    1993 days ago
  • SUNSHINE102466
    Like you I have lost track several times. I first joined back in 2010 (or it might have been 2009, I forget). I am back again. My eating is still not the greatest but I am doing some kind of exercising 6 days a week. Remember, it is just one step at a time. You can do it!

    1993 days ago
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