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The Hardest Part

Sunday, November 04, 2012

The hardest part of my goal weight being in sight is that it's so close, yet so far. One of my biggest motivators for losing weight is the pain of overweight. It's those days where I don't like what I see in the mirror, and I feel old and tired. Now, I'm in much better shape, have more energy and like my appearance. Throw in the fast-approaching holiday season and I'm ready to just focus on maintaining my weight.

This weekend, I saw the problem with this way of thinking. In my mind, when I say "maintaining my weight" there's still a part of me that wants to eat without thinking about calories, fat or fiber. Where I just eat with no restraint. Intellectually, I understand that I can't return to that lifestyle, but emotionally, I'm still tempted to do so. Make sense?

Friday and Saturday were two days where I was just eating with nary a thought and no plans to record a thing. Plus, I didn't even get my exercise in. Yes, I was a total slacker and at the time, I was cool with it, but I realized something. Maybe I didn't hurt myself having an "off" day or two, but an "off weekend" can eventually morph into an "off month" that translates to significant weight gain. How do I reconcile the philosophy of a "healthy lifestyle" with "staying on program?" By now, this "healthy lifestyle" should be ingrained into every fiber of my being, because I've been doing this 10 months, right?

But the reality is that I'm still a fat person inside a thinner person's body and no matter how disciplined and focused my eating and exercise can be, I'm still going to have days where I just wanna sit around and eat and not think about anything. The only answer I have is to do what I've been doing this whole journey. Get back on track and spend some time blogging, keeping my food diary and exercising for 10 minutes, just to regain a sense of control.

So here I am, after a weekend of candy, pizza, fried junk and barbecue. Doing some menu planning so I'm not so tempted to just grab stuff and eat it. Stocking my kitchen with the staples that helped me shed 50 pounds and trying to figure out how to freshen up my workout.

One other factor that's helping me regain focus was volunteering this morning to hand out water during a local 5K and 8K race. While at the water station, I got to see the runners in their element and speak with other volunteers who enjoy running. I spoke with one woman about my age who shed 30 pounds and completed a half-marathon earlier this year. I also got to people watch. I estimate that about half of the runners were over age 40. One woman who ran the 8K looked to be well into her 70s. One 10 or 11 year old girl ran the 8K. I also realized something else. I didn't judge the people by how fast or slow they were running, or their time. I admired the spirit of each and every participant for showing up and finishing the race. It was this morning where I set a goal to run at least 3 non-competitive 5K races in 2013.

I don't want to return to the couch. I need to have something compelling on the horizon. I think that continuing to work on getting in shape physically sounds more interesting than losing 17 pounds to reach my weight goal.

So today, I will plan my menus for the week, do my grocery shopping, fit in 10 minutes of exercise and keep pushing.

Onward and downward.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • FITMOM1969
    I love your outlook on things and I completely understand losing weight but still being a fat person inside, therefore it's a daily journey to stay on track. And as long as you get right back up after falling down you're still headed in the right direction. Thank you for sharing, this was very motivating to me. Congrats on your success thus far and the 5k's you have set for next year sounds awesome, emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon versus focusing solely on those last 17 lbs as you said. Keep up the great work :o)
    2009 days ago
    Excellent attitude and reflection!
    You've got this!

    Now work ya mojo.

    2029 days ago
    It's true but I think we just have to pick our battles when it comes to food. I mean, eat the fries but not drink the shake....Eat the burger but you can't have the fries & pizza too. I think it's all in moderation...when I eat normally i don't gain but hey I don't lose either...So you just have to make sure exercise is ALWAYS part of your life in order to have some of the foods we desire...

    God bless,

    2029 days ago
    Onward and downward, indeed. Running can be addictive. I've also found it's easier to run faster at 10 pounds below my initial goal weight than it was at the initial goal weight. It doesn't feel like I'm running faster, but with less weight I do.

    As far as food, I need to track everything and weigh myself every day. The main thing I notice in maintenance is that my calorie needs change, and the most accurate way to tell they've changed is when I see my weight changing. I can usually correlate this with increased or decreased exercise; but I can't quantify it at all well from just looking at the exercise. Go figure.
    2029 days ago
    I really like the part about an off weekend morphing into an off month,etc. that is why I am afraid to miss a workout, for fear it will lead to missing more than just that one time. emoticon
    2029 days ago
  • MPLANE37
    It is a pleasure to read your blogs, because they are so well structured, so fluent, your expressions are so vivid... Congrats both on losing the fat and writing so well.
    2030 days ago
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