ASHAIXIM

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The Old Me

Saturday, November 03, 2012

I spoke with my brother on the phone a couple days ago. We live on opposite sides of the US so don't see each other in person much, which in theory is sad because I love him like crazy and vice versa, but in reality is great because although we love each other and have similar interests in some things we can't be in the same house for more than a day LOL!! He's NOT a loner, I am; he's a dreamer, I'm a pragmatist; he thinks out loud and then says he didn't mean what he said (like I'm going to pain the house type thing - he's THINKING about it, not GOING to do it), I say what I mean. In short, we drive each other crazy.

Anyways, he said to me that I sounded like my old self (not the depressed, in pain, icky life, unhappy person I've been most of the past 2-3 years). I FEEL like I should be like my old self. I WANT to be like my old self. I just can't quite GET to my old self. I feel impotent. Like I'm starting but have a harness keeping me back. I planned on cleaning my kitchen today and I barely got anything done. I keep saying 5 minute intervals! baby steps! but even those just seem like too much. It's frustrating and that makes me more unhappy and I fear slipping back into depression.

Actually, I realized a few minutes ago part of my lack of umph may be that I'm tired from helping my sister out, going to PT, and the elections (we have a millage renewal on the ballot and if it doesn't pass I may not have a job come January - that's enough to put anyone in a state of stasis!!)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MORTICIAADDAMS
    It sounds like your brother thinks you could be close to getting back to the old yo uand I hope he's right. Keep pushing and you will get there.
    2176 days ago
  • FITKIZ
    Making time to carve out enough activity (preferrably outside) is one of the things that really help keep my depression at bay. I hope all is well with your job after these elections. Remember that this journey is about you. We weren't born knowing all the answers and it takes time to build the habits you want, give yourself some slack especially when there's a lot of stress around you. You CAN do this.
    2177 days ago
  • CATHYSFITLIFE
    I'm glad to hear that your brother thinks you sound like the old you. Maybe you are starting to get back to the old you!

    I can also understand feeling like you are in limbo because of your job possibly going away, taking care of your sister & her kids, etc... I can relate to what you are saying. I have a lot of things up in the air too that could impact my life. Just try to hold on to positive thoughts and taking baby steps towards your goal!

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    Cathy

    2178 days ago
  • BECCABOO127
    emoticon to you! I know some, not all, of what you are going through. (I can only live with one of my sisters. The other 2 drive me nutz-lol.)

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope your job stays.
    2178 days ago
  • CANDOK1260
    I AM PLAYING YOUR LEVY PASS
    2178 days ago
  • WOUBBIE
    Sounds like you're another FlyBaby! That 15 minute timer has saved my butt more times than I can count, even when it's only set for 5 minutes!]

    Don't forget that when real babies take babysteps they fall down a lot. The thing that makes babysteps important is that you KEEP GETTING BACK UP!

    You can do it!

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    (On the low carb eating side, make sure you're getting enough good fats - sometimes they can really help with depression.)
    2178 days ago
  • WINNINGBATTLE
    Its always great to have brotherly love. emoticon
    2179 days ago
  • SHEYLANGEL22
    You can get out of it.. emoticon
    did you try having some music on and do the cleaning with some music? Don't let the thoughts of sadness get to you... bring the good energy and only good vibes. emoticon
    2179 days ago
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