Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween! Gotta say this has never been my favorite holiday and is one of the rare holidays where I don't necessarily miss my son being little as much as I do at other times. lol

Haven't gotten a workout in since Saturday. That was .92/mile walk in 28 minutes. Not fast but I'm pleased that I was able to do it. Foot has been hurting since then but oh well. Didn't have a choice but to make the walk and it was good for my self confidence. tonight I head back to the pool and man have I missed it! Note to self: no more going 5 days without a pool workout! well until I am capable of doing regular workouts. lol

Met with the PA to go over my medicine and meet with my therapist again this week. It's going to be pricey but I'm glad I'm taking care of my mental health. I struggle a lot with beating myself up for having these problems and thinking I'm not as important or worthless because of them. I think I can really see them helping with that as well as helping other areas.

Life has been pretty quiet lately. I'm doing better with my eating but the few days I count calories I'm still going over by quite a bit so need to work on that.

A girlfriend and I have been talking about me feeling lonely; not that I want to get married or even live with someone right now or anytime in the near future!, but it would be nice to have someone to go out with occasionally or to talk/visit with; I live in a very small town where you know everyone and so my dating/friends pool is very very small; anyway she's encouraging me to try online dating sites. She has had several friends that have had really good luck with that. However I'm hesitant in large part because of my weight. I feel like I'm judged for that so much already and I just don't want to risk more rejection because of it. I tried it one time years and years ago (before cell phones were popular..omg I'm old!! bahaha) and felt like once they asked for my photo that was it..wouldn't hear from them again. I'm heavier now and not sure I'm up for that. But girlfriend is telling me I'm making too much of it and it's not as big of an issue for the guys as it is for me, especially once you reach our "mature" age (we just turned 40 this year and she insists on calling us mature...though in some ways we've never grown up! haha). I'm torn..I was hoping that writing it out would clarify my feelings but it hasn't. Guess I'll either make the leap and do it or not.

One thing I do know is that even without this talk of me possibly dating I'm sick and tired of my weight! I felt like a switch has flipped the last week and I'm ready to get serious. I've been thinking back to the last few years and realized I haven't stuck with anything more than a few weeks and most of my attempts have been half-a**ed. Gee no wonder I haven't lost weight!! So time to kick my butt in gear and get serious making changes that will last forever and will make me feel better!

And that's a great note to end this blog on :)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I LOVE this blog! Thank you for sharing!
    I don't really have any advice on the dating thing since I've been married for about a bazillion years, but what could it hurt? Just be yourself and if the guy doesn't like you then it's his loss.
    And as someone slightly more "mature" than you I'd have to say that 40 is young! God willing, you're less than half way through life. You need to enjoy every second of it!
    Although I know you know that tracking your food is a good thing, I would really encourage you to do it. I faithfully log every bite I eat and if it weren't for that I wouldn't be near as successful as I have been. If you have a smartphone, the app is a lifesaver for when you aren't home near a computer. I also carry measuring cups in my purse for when I eat out.
    emoticon emoticon
    2330 days ago
    Michelle, I think you've made really amazing progress through these last few months and you sound ready to move forward. There is no hurry, so take your time thinking things through. I used to tell people that you can't start a new relationship until you've really ended the old one- so if you feel that you've really put that behind you- maybe you are ready. I think you'll know.
    Good luck!
    2332 days ago
    Michelle, I am so happy to see your taking care of your mental health. Now as far as the dating, girl I wish I had some advice in that department. I am horrible at tracking my daily intake when I first joined Spark I was great at, but I'm afraid I'm lazy I've gotten lazy. Remember start with small changes and don't try to conquer every bad habit at the same time. You will just end up getting frustrated. Your Sapphire Sisters are here rooting you on emoticon
    2332 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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