There is no dress rehearsal, only life
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Wow. A lot has happened in my life in the past two weeks. These are things that have thrown a monkey wrench in my goal to get fit and lose weight. Before I start, let me say this blog is not to make excuses. It's to shed light on real life-challenges, some that can lead to throwing us off track.
Financially my life has been a mess since my ex left. There's no other nice way to say it but he screwed me over financially before he left. He skipped out on his half of the bills for two months and he totaled my car, which was paid for completely, and now I'm strapped with a car payment for a new car.
In the past month, I've been threatened with eviction, almost had my car repoed (security at my job kicked them off the property so I was saved), had the gas company personally come to my house demanding payment or they were going to shut my gas and been within 24 hours of having my electricity shut off.
Thanks to the generosity of my family and working things out with these various companies, I'm almost back on track. The stress of this has made it hard to sleep and in turn make it hard to work out but I've done it. Then in the past few weeks, I wasn't able to pay my gym membership. This happened right when it was getting cold and exercising outside became difficult. I've had to be creative, like walking at lunch and making sure I get outside on the weekends when I have time. I'll be able to get my gym membership back at the end of the week but in the meantime, I have to really make an effort to exercise during the day. That's difficult because I work a mid-shift and don't get home until after dark.
In the middle of this, I took a little vacation from work and you know how hard it is to not eat like crap on vacation. And, my scale broke but I can't afford a new one. I weigh every day and it provides my daily motivation to stay on track.
The old me would have just said f' it and gone totally off and forgotten about this. Then I realized, THIS IS REAL LIFE! Losing weight is a commitment. It's like a job or a relationship. You can't just walk away when you face challenges. Sometimes you have to hold on until the bad times pass, sometimes you need to change your approach, sometimes you need to solve problems.This stuff is going to happen and I have to push through. Regardless, I was struggling with motivation.
I read Midnight's blog thanking his Sparkies. But he said something about being a role model for others that stuck with me. It was a comment by a friend that gave me the desire to not give up. A woman I've known for about five years who is very fit and never struggled with her weight told me "You have to go to the gym. You are MY motivation to keep going to the gym. You have inspired me." That felt so good coming from someone who runs 5k races on a regular basis. I thought about others who said I've inspired them. My youngest sister started counting calories to lose weight because she saw the success I had. My other friend has started walking because of me and most of all I see this rubbing off on my son.
Now he's never struggled with his weight except for a brief time in fifth-grade when he was going through a massive growth spurt. He's an athlete and in tip-top shape. But I noticed him being better about what he eats. He eats fruits every day, he's stopped complaining about me trying to sneak veggies into my dishes and he doesn't just stuff himself to the point of being uncomfortable. The other night we went to eat at a local chain restaurant and he always wants this certain desert. He refused because "I don't want all that sugar." It was cute but I thought maybe he'll never have to struggle like I have and he's starting a lifetime of good habits.
And so I thought, I'll hold on tight and just wait for this bumpy part of life to be done and in the meantime, I'll keep moving exercising and counting calories the best I can. No giving in and no giving up.